Should we cancel this expensive holiday??

[RNBrie]

7 years ago, my brother and his wife moved to New Zealand. They've since had two children I've never met.

They had holidays booked back in the UK a couple of times but everything got cancelled because of covid.

I've never been able to afford to visit him as we have 3 DC, I could have afforded to go alone but didn't want to use up annual leave to go away without my family.

6 months ago I was given an unexpected large bonus from work and DH and I agreed we'd spend it all on a once in a lifetime trip to NZ. It's all booked and paid for, we go at Easter. It's costing a fortune, about the cost of a wedding for flights, accommodation, all in.

I've just found out that a month after we get back, my brother is coming here with his family. My parents are paying for it because they miss them too but don't want to travel there.

My DH and I are discussing cancelling our holiday because the main reason we booked was that I was just desperate to see my DB after all this time. The money is gone, but we checked yesterday and everything is cancellable, there will be a small charge for cancelling the flights.

Our NZ trip is fancy. We stay near my brother for a bit then we have a week at a luxury resort near some other friends we've not see for years, then back to near my db and then home. This is not the sort of holiday we have ever taken and the cost of it is making me uncomfortable, we could save a bit by changing resorts but more than half the cost is the flights.

So what would you do? Go on our fancy holiday, or get our money back? We'd probably spend half of it on a much cheaper but still fancy holiday closer to home...

This for me.

If it’s a trip you would have chosen regardless of your brother being there then still go. If it isn’t, I wouldn’t.

I would not spend £20k on a holiday.

insanity.

Good thing we all like different things, isn’t it?

Cancel and rebook in a few years time

I'd rebook it for the year after. It might be nice to see your DB again, and if you book it now, it will be cheaper than in a year's time.

Genuine question - have you ever lived in another country?

Because I heard this attitude from some Kiwis when I was over there, and honestly, they didn't have a clue what real traffic was. I drove 2500 miles in NZ. I was in traffic twice. Both times, the "traffic" was driving about 20% below the speed limit for ten miles or so. I saw road posters of the National party bitching about the roads and laughed, because sweetie, that's not traffic. Just one example.

I'm not saying that NZ is all perfect. That would be silly. But literally 30% of your country is national parks. I accidentally left my car unlocked with my handbag and keys on display and nothing happened. I stayed at several hostels and hotels where payment issues meant that I struggled to pay for days, and no one seemed to care. The key was left taped to the door, and I paid days later, having been happily waved off by owner, who offered to lend me their boat.

And fuel costs? The cheapest I got was 75p a litre. And this was a little pump, last one for 150k. In those circumstances in the UK, the station would GOUGE you, just because they can. There is no "gouge" culture in NZ. Not compared to the UK.

A visitor coming for a holiday is not going to even notice the things you describe, because they live in an entirely different world to NZ.

I just can’t get passed spending that much on a holiday.ever. So that is clouding anything I can say!
but you all have to be on board with whatever the decision otherwise it will ruin it.
what do they kids think.
I don’t blame the parents.with everything that’s going on. People are thinking what’s important.they must be desperate to see your dh and so just think do it now.

does going to nz really cost that much. Fuck!

Go! You're comfortable and your kids are a perfect age. Once in a lifetime! Your relationship with your brother will be better for it too.

This thread really highlights the two types of people in the world!

@RNBrie

Why on EARTH did your brother decide to suddenly come over here, when you were going there just a month after? I would definitely cancel, and NOT rebook it. I mean unless you're DESPERATE to visit NZ (which is understandable, because it's a EPIC place!!!) What your brother has done would have REALLY pissed me off. I'd cancel (personally.)

My friend's parents moved to South Africa some 3 and a half years ago, and she has only seen them once since they moved. And she hasn't seen them since October 2019. So she gave up her JOB to go and spend 4 months with them this year (Well sort of... she was a temp for a year and they offered her another 2 year contract, and she turned it down so she could go to South Africa for 3 months.)

3 weeks after she turned down the well paid two year job, and they had appointed someone else, her parents announced they were coming to visit in early August for 2 months! So she lost her chance at the job, and lost the money on the flights. She was steaming. More about the job than the money she lost on the flights.

I see from the thread responses that a few people have had this happen to them too. Why do people DO this?

Typo in paragraph 2, it was 3 months she was going to South Africa for.

I assume for the parents

It's £20k not £30k...

Oh, only £20k. That's insane. And your DH gets no in it!

Stay home, watch the Hobbit and the Lord of the Rings again... That's New Zealand done. Visit with your brother and his family when he's here. The end.

*no say in it!

Well that was quite the rant.

It's the OP's PARENTS who want to see him. They can't travel to him and they clearly miss him terribly. They've asked him to come and they're paying his fares fares. Why on earth would he not accept that to make his parents happy?

OP isn't the only member of the family missing him, you know.

Id definitely go! Kids are ideal ages for that kind of trip. I really don’t think you’d regret it. I’ve always wanted to visit NZ!! Please go and have a great time on my behalf 😆

I have lived elsewhere.

And the NZ you describe is not the reality of today. Far far far from it.

Yes we have stunning national parks. No it is not safe to leave your vehicles unlocked. At all. Half the time it's not safe to leave them locked either. Or to park them anywhere. Including a private driveway. Hasn't been for quite a while. But it's worse how than it's ever been. And this has been acknowledged by our govt. Along with the increase in violent crimes. It's our reality right now.

Traffic? I'm not talking traffic. I'm talking huge stretches of the highway so badly damaged with potholes that cars are being damaged driving on them. Bent rims, damaged axles. Etc.

Fuel, while not on the UK scale is high and climbing. And due to jump massively early next year. I would say that a petrol station charging 43c/litre more than 13 other stations all within a 15min drive in any direction is gouging.

Crime is at a high right now. Dangerous crime. Guns. Stabbings. Mall attacks. The road toll is the highest it's been in years and we haven't even got to the worst part of the year yet.

No hostel would ever leave a key taped to the door now. It's no longer safe. Again, hasn't been for a while. The people are still friendly and generous. But not as trusting by a long shot. Businesses are struggling thanks to the rising costs. But also the rising crime.

The reality is NZ has changed. Yes it's still pretty. But it's nowhere near the dreamy vision people still have of it.

And whether people like it or not. NZ is expensive. Very very expensive.

I have travelled a lot. And lived in many places. I would be absolutely gutted to make the trip of a lifetime to a country that is going through a rough patch and is not what I was hoping or expecting it to be.

I've also travelled a lot within NZ. And yes NZ has a lot to offer. But it's not all rosy. Hell it's not even half rosy.

A visitor coming is going to notice because it's happening every day. It's in the news. Online. Newspaper headlines. On the radio. Everywhere you look. People are talking about it constantly. People are experiencing it daily. You cannot miss it. I sincerely wish you could.

I would 100% go, it will be the trip of a lifetime 👍🏻

@MadelineUsher

Stay home, stay home!

we did that for like 2 hours over the pandemic! Lit is for living!

Go!!

Will your brother have enough annual leave to spend plenty of time with you when you visit and also take a trip home a month later, or will he be cancelling time off during your visit as he knows he will be seeing you in a month?

I’d go, if you don’t need the money for saving or other things. New Zealand is amazing-life is short have fun!

I would be tempted to still go but book cheaper accommodation. In a couple of years time it gets more tricky to do big holidays as DC can get stressed being away and not being able to study for their exams.
If I did cancel then I’d use 10k for another great holiday and the other 10k towards something more ‘sensible’.

I'd still go, but I'd totally change the holiday. Cancel the fancy resort, spend less time with your DB because you'll be seeing him in the UK, hire a car and travel round New Zealand.

I would cancel