How did you show yourself up during labour?

[garlicy]

I was off my head on pethidine and obsessed with the fire alarm going off Every time a new member of staff appeared, I would ask if them what would happen if the fire alarm went off, including the surgeon who eventually did my section.

I know to this day that I am known as the Fire Alarm Lady in that hospital

High on pethidine I was convinced I was at soft play and kept talking about how I could see my son waving through the plastic bubble piece. Then I was convinced I was at the cinema watching the Rugrats movie and my husband was reciting all the lines. And THEN I was surrounded by a white light and thought I'd been touched by God. I am not religious at all. All through this I was staring directly in to the eyes of all the doctors on their ward round. 🤣

I wouldn't say I lost control and I wasn't delirious. I did genuinely feel like my bum hole was falling off and in that moment I shouted it at the midwife.

To be fair, @jollyroll , this thread is explicitly about sharing stories of (understandably!) lost control during labour, so it of course gives the impression that this happens to everyone simply because women who were calm, unaffected in any cognitive way by drugs, and generally ‘well behaved’ will have nothing to add.
And even on here plenty of posters (myself included) are just describing things they said or did that might not have been as polite or articulate as they’d usually manage but had nothing to do with drugs or delirium. For what it’s worth, I was an angel on gas and air, and relatively unfiltered on no drugs at all. Oh neither occasion was I confused or delirious. Just the second time I really thought I was doing some sort of huge firey poo (and felt terrible about it!) and, partly I think because I was giving birth without anyone I knew, I panicked and shouted that out.
if this is really freaking you out then maybe what you need to take from this is that you either need to go drug free to retain control or have an epidural which doesn’t seem to cause any ‘party drug’-like effects. But you may also find when you do give birth that you accept some loss of control more easily and you embrace that as part of the bravery and strength women show in labour.

This really made me laugh!

@jollyroll I had “good” labours and “bad” labours. This thread is about the embarrassing stuff and so that’s what you’ll read. It’s not always a case of rolling around on the bed bleating like a billy goat.
My first baby came out on a wave of positive thinking, African music and tediously smug hypno breathing.

Second baby put paid to the hypno-crap. Second baby also put paid to baby led weaning, craft afternoons and “no screens before 2yo” tbh.

I have to say, with my third (AND LAST TYVM!) I almost died and so did she. This isn’t a dramatisation of facts either. Laughing about the embarrassing stuff helps me to process that awful labour. For example, during my epidural, I told the anaesthetist that his mother must be very proud of him. And then I must have been dissatisfied with his response because I insisted he give me her number so that I could personally ring her “when this is all over” and tell her what a lovely young man her son is.

And then…

My husband got told off by the midwife for trying to video me saying this! 😂

And, Jolly, whatever happens, the baby at the end of it is a fucking delight. I sometimes think I could quit my job and just spend my days staring at how beautiful my children are. Cost of living crisis though, ennit.

I was on my side high on gas and air. As baby's head came out I flipped onto my back and screamed "Give me fucking drugs!" 😁

With DC1 I took a massive dump on a birthing stool which I dramatically announced by shouting "I'm pooing!" like I was reciting Shakespear. DH also kept insisting I take regular drinks of Lucozade which I then threw up all over him.
DC2 ended up as an EMCS after premature rupture of the membranes followed by a failed induction. When the medical staff popped outside the room briefly to agree I needed the surgery I insisted DH try the gas and air as it was brilliant fun, then I decided I sounded like Alison Moyet and started belting out "We all need a love revelation, a little divine intervention...." thinking no-one could hear me. Given they were all just on the other side of a flimsy door, they probably could.
DC2 was supposed to be in special care for a minimum of 24 hours, but I am sure he was kicked out after 18 for bad behaviour. He just did not stop crying unless held and it was upsetting the other babies.
Back on the ward with him, an expectant mum asked if she could sniff his head as she thought it might kick start her labour.

With DC1 I took a massive dump on a birthing stool which I dramatically announced by shouting "I'm pooing!" like I was reciting Shakespear.

Yessss, can we just get back to this, please?

No offence to anyone but there's a thousand spaces to angst about labour. This thread with people joyfully recounting shitting on midwives doesn't need to become one of them.

I had pre-eclampsia with 1st baby and taken into hospital 3 weeks early. 5 am, surgeon woke me up with a form to sign so she could perform an emergency C section. I pleaded with her to postpone until the next day as I wanted my baby to be a particular star sign! She rather snappily told me I had to sign or I would die... Bit surprised when baby was shown to me as was expectign a big boy and had an adorable tiny girl. Afterwards the surgeon hugged me and said "Hey, at least you are honeymoon sweet". Still makes DH and I chuckle.
Night before baby 2 was due DH said "at least you won't have another C section, -can't forget the smell". So, Another emergency C section as baby was in distress. I was panicking thinking poor DH would have to go through it again with me, and told him he didn't need to be there, but he insisted. They gave me pethidine and I can distinctly remember trying to flirt with the poor orderly who took me down on the gurney. I actually tried to adjust my disposable hat to a jaunty angle and batted my eyelashes at the poor guy. DH and his "discomfort" was not in my head at all! Oh and I got my big boy this time!

Totally agree. My husband on the other hand…. Told the midwife we didn’t have a name for a girl, and asked her what her name was. When she told him he said ‘let’s hope it’s a boy then’.

I was adamant that I saw an elf when I was high on gas and air and all the other medication I was on

There is always one. I am sure most wouldn't choose drugs unless they really had to.

Yes, me. I had my son in 2018.
I prepped a lot beforehand TBF (lots of reading, hypnobirthing and watching OBEM!) and was quite physically fit (swimming, walking, cycling, yoga and Pilates basically the whole way through) so while there is an element of luck (of course!) I like to think that all the physical and mental ‘training’ beforehand helped a bit.
Pain relief wise I just didn’t feel like I needed anything much (had a hot water bottle, a shower, a birthing ball and a TENS machine but that was all).. I just went into a ‘zone’ mentally and it was all very calm. I just felt like I was following an instruction manual in my head. It’s not that I wasn’t open to having further pain relief but no moment ever came where I felt like I needed more. Due my second in early 2023 and hoping it will be the same!
So don’t read all of this and feel that you will need any/all of these really strong drugs. You might not. I have to say that it doesn’t appeal to me either, at all.

And yet our birth stories are equally valid. Funny that.

Very long labour, pethidine, epidural, gas and air.

Baby delivered safely. Placenta - not so much.

Dr told me that he was "just going to pop my hand up there and remove the placenta manually"

My reply to this is probably unprintable even by MN standards. (spoiler - he got nowhere near me)

Cue entire theatre team being called out at 3am. I am on a trolley in the corner of the theatre being told to "breathe on this, it will help you relax, we'll be as quick as we can"

After 2 minutes I sat up and said "Look, I'm not fucking stupid, this is just oxygen. If you're going to be faffing around much longer maybe I can just pop outside and have a cigarette"

Don't remember a thing after that. I think they anaesthetized me pronto just to make me shut up 😅

Ahhh yes! Whats's with the insistence of keeping our eyes open?! I did the same and they kept asking, can you hear us, so I said yes. Then open your eyes. 🤔🙄 I was thinking: but it's all just bearable if I don't. I just felt like not using up any more energy than absolutely needed right then. 🤷‍♀️

😂😂😂 oh my god

I had an epidural in the end, but tried gas and air to start off with. The former was very effective, doesn't make you feel high but cuts off all feeling below the waist. You also have to have a catheter and constant monitoring. The latter was horrible and made me feel dizzy and sick, like I'd had too much to drink.

I'm hoping to avoid all heavy duty pain relief next time, as it's quite distressing not being able to feel any sensation down there or know what's going on with your body. Every labour and birth is different though, so you shouldn't feel worried about choosing hospital pain relief if you're not coping. Make sure you research all the options, knowledge is power.

No husband. Wasn't allowed then. Nothing for pain but number one came 2 hours after starting to push and number 2 after 15 minutes. I guess I was just lucky. The stitches were unpleasant 2nd time, nasty doctor. 1st time bearable with a lovely doctor. My waters don't break. They had to break them for me. Nasty.

@jollyroll don't worry there are just as many non terrifying/ non funny stories of births. However this thread was about how you'd embarrassed yourself in labour. The intake of drugs is likely to increase the level of embarrassing stories! A lot of people love a 'good' birth story, myself included. Please don't think all births are like these, plenty are and plenty aren't (so I'm told!).

My comment was about your smugness. Not the validity of the birth stories

I had a light dose epidural and I’m quite glad because even though it hurt like a b**ch I could tell when I was eating and I would stop. Not going to lie I requested a light epidural prebirth and part of me was cursing myself for that and I was mashing the button frantically but was glad after the birth. 😂 I was coping very well with just a warm bath until just 20 minutes before the baby was born which was when I switched to gas and air while waiting for the epi. Honestly The baby was born very fast. Not sure if that was because of the lack of drugs or what. I looking back I don’t know how they got the epi to me in time. I wanted a home birth in a pool but couldn’t because of my preeclampsia diagnosis. But I was determined to try to stick as close to my plan as possible in the hospital and I did it. Obviously it was not the medication free experience I hoped for but considering the situation it went as well as it could have.

tearing!!! not eating. Damn phone! 😂

I told the 2 midwives plus my mother and husband "not being funny guys, but my fucking fanny hurts!" I'd also had pethedine which as told by previous posters, does NAFF ALL for pain, but I was asleep between contractions 🤷‍♀️

Epidural slipped out and nobody noticed. Went from no pain to severe agony very quickly. Pain so bad I began to hallucinate. Had a conversation with my mother who was standing beside the bed. Only she wasn't. Then I had a whole conspiracy theory about the anesthatist (sorry can't spell) and how she had a motorbike and a property empire. She was a very beautiful Asian woman and the Jade Goody racism row was in full swing in Celebrity Big Brother and even when I was having hallucinations I kept thinking 'Don't call her Shilpa, Don't call her Shilpa'. Despite having a potty mouth I did not swear. A miracle.