Tom Parker's widow and new boyfriend

[ImJustMadAboutSaffron]

The press have started reporting on Kelsey Parker dating a "convicted killer" 8 months after her husband Tom died. She has two very small children. Is it too soon, is it none of our business?

I wouldn't say it is advisable, but that's my own view only.

Six months after a partner has suddenly died and 6 months after a partner has died from a protracted terminal illness are very different things.

The partner of the person with the terminal illness has had much longer to adjust to the prospect of life without them and - to some degree - move on emotionally and mentally. I know someone who married a few months after his wife died after 2 years of fighting cancer. Raised a few eyebrows. I'm sure he loved his wife but he had had been grieving for over two years not just a few months.

At best, you have to hope that she's vulnerable and making poor decisions at the moment. She left her DC for a month to pursue some "charidee" trek, and clearly left the DC at home when she went on a holiday with friends where she met this lovely specimen. Which is understandable but you do have to think how that's affecting her kids when Dad has already gone.

Her family (and Tom's) are probably frantic with worry. And I wonder if that's how this made the media ...

and clearly you have never walked in her shoes. Her grieving will have started long before he died, his illness and death will have been a living nightmare for her and she will have known the inevitable outcome from the day he got his diagnosis. His death whilst sad, will have likely come as a relief for them all because her life will have been completely on hold for a long time. Whether this is the right relationship with the right person I have no idea. I do know however, that she likely craves what she perceives as normality and warmth and affection.

And yes, I have walked every step in her shoes and until you've been there you don't have a clue

exactly and that's what I've just said in another post. There's no comparison between a sudden death and a long drawn out terminal illness in terms of where you are in your mental state and grieving process in my experience

By all means date who you want and whenever you want

however I don’t think she should be timing it with a tv series highlighting her grief when she’s carrying on with someone else

the two kinda don’t go for me

It’s very distrapectfyl for the family to be milking it on tv then dating someone else

by all means outside of the media yes but she’s getting publicity (and money) from how sad she is yet with someone els e

bizzare!

I saw this and wondered what I'd do in a similar situation and I'm sure what I think, with my lovely living partner, is a far cry from how I imagine I'd be if she died. I don't think any of us can truly say until we're there.

I would not be at all surprised if 'dating' in Daily Fail parlance simply means seen talking to a guy in a pub or some such encounter.

Cue comments on 'serious relationship' and 'bringing a murderer into her children's lives'.

I know someone who married a few months after his wife died after 2 years of fighting cancer. Raised a few eyebrows. I'm sure he loved his wife but he had had been grieving for over two years not just a few months.

Sounds pretty cold to me.

My dad remarried 18 months after my mum died.
They've been very happy together for the past 30 years.
I wish people wouldn't judge.

This thread is full of judgment and gossip. Really unpleasant.

not really bizarre. Grief lives alongside a new life. Your sadness doesn't go just because you have met someone, it's a funny paradox.

Moving on after 6 months is not good imo. Isn’t it strange how replaceable spouses can be. You can’t get another child, sibling, cousin or grandparent. It’s bizarre how quickly people move on. I’m not saying people shouldn’t move on but I find it quite insensitive especially for Toms parents. It may be different for those with terminal illnesses to come to terms with it but Tom died less than 2 years after being diagnosed. I lost a cousin the same age as him and the thought of his wife moving on so quickly upsets me. Even after a few years the pain doesn’t go away. How they manage to move on so quickly puzzles me.

Exactly that.

Unless the show on grief is about how she met someone else and is now happy? But I bet it is not mentioned. So seems disingenuous.

Moving on after 6 months is not good imo. Isn’t it strange how replaceable spouses can be.

I think some people just don't love that deeply. So the grief isn't debilitating for them. But they enjoyed being married all the same so seek that out again as soon as possible.

@Abeachsomewhere
@Dintananadinta

I would have said the same as you until I was suddenly widowed when my child was 2.

Now I know grief doesn't work like that. I will always love, grieve and miss my husband, he will always have a place in my heart. There's no magical point in the future where I'll think "great, I'm ready to move on now". I don't want to be alone forever and I have felt from very early on in my journey that it doesn't matter whether I meet someone after a month or a decade. The love and grief is still there no matter what, it's a case of learning to live a life with its presence.

I don't think anyone should judge. For a start we don't know the details. It could just be someone to have dinner with every so often or a shag. Doesn't mean they're moving in. She is a young woman with two little kids who has suffered a horrendous lost.

Didn't Simon Thomas have a girlfriend fairly quickly too? I once read it's normal for people grieving to seek intimacy so I don't think she's alone.

She's probably just doing her best.

Really? Oh that’s so sad. I do hope she manages to pull herself together and this isn’t what she’s actually like normally. Those poor kids.

It’s none of their business either.

It's not about how deeply you loved your partner as to how you move forward, it's not moving on, it's moving forward. Your spouse lives on in everything you do but you have to live and you can love someone else at the same time as grieving and loving your husband. Grief is not a competition, and nobody, but nobody, knows how they'll react in that situation unless they're in it

From what I've seen people always seem to think the bereaved spouse moves on to fast.

I think outside people forget there may have been months if not years of illness and knowledge of death and then after death the spouse lives it 24-7 there are no breaks from the grief.

My uncle moved in with someone a year after sudden death of Aunt - his kids - late teens were relived as they could then move on with their lives which at time meant moving away from him for better opportunities- wider family were horrified. They've been together 30+ years now in their 80s and seem very happy.

I have no idea about this person and this relationship or person she is dating - but outside is very difficult place to have any real idea of what's going on.

@MissHavishamsMouldyOldCake There are widows on this thread and that's a very cruel thing to say, and totally incorrect. IME experience sometimes it's the widows and widowers who were happiest and loved the most deeply who are the most able to move forward, because they know how valuable and happy a loving relationship is.

Written down it does seem too soon but emotions are weird and complicated, you can grieve and love at the same time.

None of their business to be concerned about the well-being of their Grandchildren? Really? Strange standards you have.

I think sometimes the people with very loving happy marriages do go into a new relationship very quickly. Maybe people who have been in an unhappy relationship are more wary. Don't know as I haven't been in that position.

If she was my friend and wanted to tell me all the factual details and asked for my advice then I might have an opinion. As it is, she's been thrown into the public eye via tragic circumstances and the gutter press are spewing out 'facts' about what is an entirely private matter. I think the Daily Mail are despicable for printing this 'story'. I suppose she may be a money grabbing attention seeker who is capitalising on her dead famous husband and tipping off the paparazzi. I think it's much more likely that she's a real person in distress trying to make the best of her life for herself and her kids and they should be left alone.