Should DH and I plan our honeymoon with or without our 1 y/o son?

[AnaCav]

Hey everyone,

So DH and I had originally planned our big wedding for 2020 (we married in 2019 in a civil, intimate ceremony, but the big religious wedding was planned for 2020). This awful pandemic hit, we postponed it, decided to prioritize having a baby and now have a wonderful baby boy who is 4 months and half. Our wedding is now scheduled for July 2023, and our baby will be exactly 1 year old.

My question is about the honeymoon. DH is so excited about the prospect of traveling alone with me for 10 very romantic days. I, however, am completely torn. It would be the first time I would be apart from my baby. He is such a happy baby, I'm scared that he will somehow be traumatized and feel abandoned. That it will somehow affect his development or personality long term.

On the other hand, my parents live right below DH and me, my son is so used to see them everyday and be with them, they are young grandparents and I know my son will be brilliantly well-taken care of. I also don't want to disappoint my husband. (Of course I would love a romantic trip to Italy as well in normal circumstances).

Still, I know my son will deeply miss us and I'm afraid that if we are apart these many days with him only 1 year old, we will mess him up. And that is a risk I'm not willing to take.

What do you think? Should I go to a romantic honeymoon with DH and leave my boy with my parents for 10 days? Or should our honeymoon include our baby and just travel with him? Am I being ott in my concerns?

TIA for any opinion/advice.

I wouldn’t. Mine had terrible separation anxiety and doesn’t sleep through even now at 18 months. Despite having a great bond with his grandparents he can get inconsolable at night and I couldn’t leave him knowing that. It’s so hard to predict how your baby will be at 1. I’d take them.

Also, you just don’t sound like you want to. And if you don’t want to now, it’s just going to stress you out for the next few months until the trip. Can you start small and build up to a bigger trip when they’re older?

I could never have done that. Can you not do the long holiday exploring Europe with the baby but a weekend break somewhere just the two of you? - spa weekend or something very intense.

As per a PP I found holidays with a baby still could be a lot more romantic than with a toddler. With a toddler they’re maybe dropping the nap, want to be up and doing things constantly and you don’t sit down.

A 12 month year old you still have at least one decent nap, often two naps, and you can push them around in the pram and have a chat.. if you’re on a beach they’re a lot more happy to sit and play in the sand by your feet as you and DH enjoy a drink and a conversation .. with a toddler a beach is NOT relaxing.
I went on wine tours with a 12 month-ish in the sling, it was great. I wouldn’t have wanted to try to contain a 2 year old in a wine cellar though..! Different thing entirely.
At 12 months your holiday is still dictated by you and what you want to do and the baby is happy enough to just tag along.

I've left all my children with grandparents at that age. They were absolutely fine.

Another thought though - do you know how hot Italy is in July? You'll not be able to do that much sightseeing with a 1 year old, it's approaching 40 deg usually by 10am.

Can your parents come with you and stay with your son somewhere nearby? You would still have your romantic time but will see your child

I would suggest 2-3 nights on your own then either a separate week long trip or could your parents join you? Unusual but means you have baby sitters!

Thanks everyone for your feedback! It's been really helpful

Just decided there is no way I will be apart from my baby. We are either bringing him with us or bringing him and my Parents - that way we could sometimes have some hours alone while my Parents take care of him. I know DH is very appreciative of my parents' help since DC's birth.

Just said this to DH and he understood and agreed with my points. He just wants me to not even be anxious about this. He thinks he prefers my parents to come along.

(We didn't get a honeymoon back then because DH was working and had agreed with his boss to take 3 weeks off for our honeymoon in 2020. Effing pandemic. Still, now we have our baby and he is our clear priority.)

I really recommend to have a special honeymoon with your hubby however 10 days to too much to leave your baby. Have a 5 day honeymoon then you get best of both

Hope you had a wonderful wedding and (family?) honeymoon, OP 🥰

I wouldn’t be able to do 10 days. I’m leaving my daughter for 2 nights in 3 weeks and well I’m nervous which again I know she’ll be looked after by my parent but hey! It’s each to their own and although he’s only one you can face time and talk to him etc.