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Original poster

Should DH and I plan our honeymoon with or without our 1 y/o son?

34 replies

AnaCav · 19/11/2022 02:12

Hey everyone,

So DH and I had originally planned our big wedding for 2020 (we married in 2019 in a civil, intimate ceremony, but the big religious wedding was planned for 2020). This awful pandemic hit, we postponed it, decided to prioritize having a baby and now have a wonderful baby boy who is 4 months and half. Our wedding is now scheduled for July 2023, and our baby will be exactly 1 year old.

My question is about the honeymoon. DH is so excited about the prospect of traveling alone with me for 10 very romantic days. I, however, am completely torn. It would be the first time I would be apart from my baby. He is such a happy baby, I'm scared that he will somehow be traumatized and feel abandoned. That it will somehow affect his development or personality long term.

On the other hand, my parents live right below DH and me, my son is so used to see them everyday and be with them, they are young grandparents and I know my son will be brilliantly well-taken care of. I also don't want to disappoint my husband. (Of course I would love a romantic trip to Italy as well in normal circumstances).

Still, I know my son will deeply miss us and I'm afraid that if we are apart these many days with him only 1 year old, we will mess him up. And that is a risk I'm not willing to take.

What do you think? Should I go to a romantic honeymoon with DH and leave my boy with my parents for 10 days? Or should our honeymoon include our baby and just travel with him? Am I being ott in my concerns?

TIA for any opinion/advice.

OP posts:
Palmface · 19/11/2022 02:19

Hi op, can you compromise and do 5 days away? I don't think I'd have wanted to be away from my 1yo for a full 10 days. Either way your dc will be fine, you're unlikely to cause any long lasting abandonment issues particularly if he's with your parents who he knows well.

Palmface · 19/11/2022 02:19

But just to say I think a honeymoon without your dc sounds wonderful and would be well worth it.

romdowa · 19/11/2022 02:22

We took our 1 Yr old dc on our honeymoon. There was never a question about it and my dh definitely wasn't disappointed

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Tippexy · 19/11/2022 02:29

The moment for being deeply romantic has passed.

Original poster
AnaCav · 19/11/2022 02:31

Thanks for the feedback so far!

We can definitely compromise, I know DH will want to do what I think it's best and he is supportive of my decisions. I also know that since we've moved to Europe (my husband is American and during the 2 years we dated while living in NYC), we never traveled alone in Europe. Then we got married in that small ceremony, the pandemic prevented us from doing any traveling and then I got pregnant. I know he has this dream of traveling alone with me and be romantic while getting to know Europe. I, however, want to prioritize our son, travel with my baby and only go to romantic trips and leave my son home with my Parents when he is older.

OP posts:
redtshirt50 · 19/11/2022 02:38

I would compromise, maybe do two honeymoons.

A weekend away in a nice romantic hotel / destination just the two of you, and then a week somewhere else with your baby.

Although, I find travelling with a baby you can still be very romantic - it would be much harder if the baby was a toddler or a child.

redtshirt50 · 19/11/2022 02:40

And you 10000% wont cause abandonment issues leaving the baby with well trusted individuals they know, who will probably shower them with love for the whole 10 days!

AllyCatTown · 19/11/2022 02:50

I was similar to you. My son was 15 months when we went on honeymoon for 3 nights. It was really good to have some time alone and my baby was with his grandparents who he was familiar with. I think ten nights is a lot and so would agree with others to shorten it. Also is he sleeping through the night? We’d booked the honeymoon well in advance and didn’t think he’d still have issues.

Original poster
AnaCav · 19/11/2022 03:01

It's been really good to read your feedback, thank you so much.

I agree with everyone suggesting 2 or 3 days alone with DH, and then a longer stay with the baby. Reading your replies, I'm even toying with this idea: asking my parents and DH's Mom to join us with the baby after 2/3 days, it becomes a family trip and grandparents can in some evenings take care of the baby while DH and i enjoy some time, honeymoon-like time, alone.

It will be more expensive but maybe an interesting to solution to still give DH the intimacy and romance he is craving.

> Baby right now (4 and 1/2 months) is sleeping 8 hours straight, hopefully when he is 1 he is sleeping even longer.

OP posts:
Original poster
AnaCav · 19/11/2022 03:02

AllyCatTown · 19/11/2022 02:50

I was similar to you. My son was 15 months when we went on honeymoon for 3 nights. It was really good to have some time alone and my baby was with his grandparents who he was familiar with. I think ten nights is a lot and so would agree with others to shorten it. Also is he sleeping through the night? We’d booked the honeymoon well in advance and didn’t think he’d still have issues.

Forgot to add in my previous reply - how was your baby sleeping at 15 months?

OP posts:
Snugglemonkey · 19/11/2022 03:06

I would not leave a baby that age for that length of time. Or at all probably, but I know plenty of people see that as ott. I just was not comfortable being away from my DC when v wee.

20viona · 19/11/2022 03:08

Definitely alone but a week not ten days.

StaceySolomonSwash · 19/11/2022 07:14

You'll have been married for 4 years by then. The honeymoon period is long gone. You're having a big party and a holiday. Yes, take your son away, he's part of your family but don't be thinking it's a honeymoon!

Cas112 · 19/11/2022 07:21

Don't take the baby and do 5 nights or a week max

BloodAndFire · 19/11/2022 07:23

I don't thinking bringing his parents and your parents is going to 'give him the intimacy and romance he is craving'.

Tomorrowisalatterday · 19/11/2022 07:24

I really wouldn't take parents and in laws on your honeymoon

I would do a night or two alone and then a holiday with the baby - but I don't have grandparents as involved as yours so maybe a few days would be ok for you. 10 days too long, I think

BetterBee · 19/11/2022 07:31

If you read some of the theory about detachment you’ll see 10 days is not a good idea. Saying that if his bond with his grandparents is as strong as a parental bond then this would be less of an issue. Personally I’d stick to three days maximum apart.

Auntiealie · 19/11/2022 07:37

I have a 1 year old, absolutely no way I could leave them for 10 days. It would be totally unfair on her and I would hate it!

as for the sleep, children’s sleep isn’t linear. Older doesn’t mean longer sleep. Mine slept through 7-7 to she was 6 months and then started night waking, then slept again and then regressed again. All within normal development and your baby might be different and continue to sleep through - but I just wouldn’t book a trip depending on what they sleep now when it can change so much with infants!

Caspianberg · 19/11/2022 07:38

I couldn’t do that with our 2 year old. We had our wedding recently. Ds was with us the whole wedding weekend.
But we don’t have grandparents close he would know, so it seemed mean forcing him to not be with us when it’s his norm

He never slept 8hrs at night though at 4 months. And now at 2 years occasionally sleeps though but illness recently means he usually ends up in our bed at some point and he would be terrified if he woke and dh or I weren’t here.

Waterfallstop · 19/11/2022 07:40

You got a great set up - I would be setting up the foundations for regular long weekends every 3 months or so.

Do a long weekend to see how it goes, a family holiday- and then take it from there.

Did you not have any kind of honeymoon when you married in 2019? It sounds like this holiday is being built up too much and will only end in disappointment.

NotMyDayJob · 19/11/2022 07:47

It's a shame you didn't get your big wedding/honeymoon originally but the pandemic changed a lot of things for a lot of people. You went into people who could do long romantic holidays and then you prioritised having a baby and now you've come out if it with that responsibility.

As other pp have said the time for long romantic holidays has passed. But since you ahve brilliant childcare use that for semi frequent weekends away. I couldn't leave my 1 year old for that one but maybe a couple of nights. There's just no guarantee at such a young age they'll not be ill/ not sleeping etc

sqirrelfriends · 19/11/2022 07:47

I wouldn’t, I actually know someone who went on holiday when the baby was 9 months and the baby they came back to was different to the one they left. It’s almost like he was traumatised by their extended absence.

Margo34 · 19/11/2022 07:52

Did you go away after your 2019 wedding ceremony? Why not then? That was the time for a honeymoon. You said yourself after that plans changed and you prioritised having a baby, so now would be time for family holidays with baby, IMO.

My recently turned 2yo was still waking 3 (occasionally more) times a night at 15m and I don't think that would be fair to put on grandparents, youthful or not. I've learnt that baby sleep is not linear - it gets better then worse then eventually better again and is hard to predict!

Tubbyinthehottub · 19/11/2022 07:57

My baby was 9 months and we did Mon to Fri European city break without him, back home for the weekend then another Mon to Fri European hotel resort break.

Dontaskdontget · 19/11/2022 08:03

With.

Your will not enjoy being away from your baby for that length of time, the honeymoon won’t be fun for you it’ll be an ordeal. Your husband will not feel the same way and will sulk.

Your baby won’t understand and will be distressed. Age 1 is peak separation anxiety.

Don’t be bullied on this.