Just been to visit dh gran in a care home, so depressing

[Wolfscarf]

Really makes you think about life

one person was tryig to escape when we arrived
must have had dementia
sayign have you seen my wife have you touched my wife
and o want to go home

then when we left another lady was trying to escape

dh gran is stuck in her v small room alotnof the time as there’s no carers
to take her downstairs then bring her back as they are short staffed all the time

the staff seem lovely but I feel so so bad for them
I don’t know how they do it

Sometimes care homes really are the best option . I had been looking after my mum for years but her dementia advanced to the stage that she needed to be watched all the time . It was a safe guarding issue . I was recommended a care home that was basic but small . Care fees approximately £550 a week no en-suite in her room just a commode for night time . It is a small home though only 10 residents and the owner also works there so is invested . Most of the staff seem to have been there for a while and mom seems happy and settled . I am still expected to take an active part in her life taking her to drs , chiropodists etc which if we are able to help out we should . I visit often take her for walks , back to mine and sometimes to the shops . We can as a society make our elderly relatives that little bit more bearable . We seem to value the wrong people .
When mom was still in her own home I remember her phoning me up very late at night crying that she didn’t feel wanted . I think people were ignoring her in the street and not being friendly . She only had me really most friends distanced themselves.It still upsets me to think of her feeling like that . At least in the home she is sitting in the lounge and there are always people about .

Antelope, it would need to be on a Voluntary basis. But yes, if that's how you want to put it, killing someone that has requested that for themselves. We aren't talking about just killing off every Fred and Betty, against their blooming consent.

Everybody should have complete control over their own health and body.

Lunathecat and QueenoftheMetaverse, thank you very much xx

Or ending their suffering is how I see it. If I had dementia and lost my mind then I'd be ending my suffering. Or if I was terminally ill and in alot of pain it would be ending my suffering not killing myself.

Killing myself would be if i wasn't in pain or suffering.

You might kill someone with the motivation of ending their suffering. You are still killing them.

Is that what you call vets then - people who kill animals?

Vets heal and kill yes. I am not a fan of euphemisms. Words matter.

Is palliative care ‘killing people’? Would you rather they were pumped with chemo over and over just to see how long life can be extended?

The care in the home industry is full to the brim of millionaire franchise owners and directors.

Such a greedy industry.

So if you had a pet who had to be 'put down' will you be telling people my pet was killed today? Will you be telling people the doctor killed my parent today when they stop trying to save them?

Would he be eligible for continuing healthcare funding? May be worth looking in to xx

Anyone can make an advance decision to refuse treatment or a living will or become involved in advanced care planning. Google any of these terms and you will find charities that help. I have done mine and I'm only in my 30s. Xx

A lack of treatment is not automatically killing someone. What is described as euthanasia is killing someone.
I think people use other terms because they do not want to face up to the fact they are proposing Drs kill people. If you can't even face up to that basic fact, there is no way I can support any proposal to do this.

I've got no problem with calling euthanasia killing someone. My mum used to beg for a gun to shoot herself when she could still talk. If I had said to her would you like me to kill you she would have said yes. Sadly she had to wither away.

Ok then, it’s killing people 🤷🏼‍♀️ Is that supposed to make us change our minds?

So what if it’s killing people. What’s great about a life full of suffering?

@Afterfire and any one else who feels the same we do have a voice,need to lobby MPs about it.
There was a tearful MP on TV the other day saying his dad had a long painful death and it's not right and needs to change.
What you witnessed op I've had experience of from a young age and I know how hit and miss all such places are. .. I would like a legal say now, whilst I'm healthy that if I get to a or b stage I want to go

It will have to be. My generation (yes, I’m a despised boomer) will make it happen. There won’t be that much money to be made from us because, contrary to popular belief, we’re not all rolling in it and it will be far too expensive to keep us all mouldering away in care homes. At the very least we’ll be strongly encouraged to have DNAR status and living wills.

DNAR is fair enough. The success rate once people become elderly is incredibly low.

You do not have to change your mind. Just acknowledge the reality. If people decide ahead of time they want to be killed and have not been pressurised in any way, then fine. But the idea that a Dr should decide when someone's life is no longer worth living horrifies me.
And I want to live as long as I can.

I sincerely hope that by the time I get to that age (maybe 25 years away) that euthanasia is legal in the UK. Otherwise I’d rather kill myself than end up in a care home. We offer our pets more compassion and dignity at the end of their lifespans.

It is depressing. I’d agree that modern medicine is keeping us alive too long. Watching relatives slowly succumb to dementia has been awful. They would be horrified at how they ended up. I’m hoping that euthanasia is a possibility by the time I’m elderly. Quality of life rather than quantity.

Quality of life rather than quantity.

Absolutely. My mum would have been horrified if she’d known ha she’d end up.

Visited FIL in his care home yesterday. First time I had seen him since he had moved in just over a week before. The place was bright, clean and welcoming and the staff were lovely. I've not seen him looking so well and walking (with walker) so well in months. As we left he had beetled off to the dining room and was sitting at a table of ladies, cheerfully tucking in to his lunch. After months of not eating well and sitting alone in his flat apart from when family could visit him he is definitely in the right place now.

That's brilliant @Cyclistmumgrandma - here's hoping that's what it's like for the vast majority and we only read the bad stuff because that's what makes the news / brings headlines!