Just been to visit dh gran in a care home, so depressing

[Wolfscarf]

Really makes you think about life

one person was tryig to escape when we arrived
must have had dementia
sayign have you seen my wife have you touched my wife
and o want to go home

then when we left another lady was trying to escape

dh gran is stuck in her v small room alotnof the time as there’s no carers
to take her downstairs then bring her back as they are short staffed all the time

the staff seem lovely but I feel so so bad for them
I don’t know how they do it

@Tiny2018 I work in care and fully agree with all you just said. We try so hard, every day, all day, all night. But there isn't enough staff, a lot of the staff don't actually want to work in care, and the home is run for money and nothing else. I don't know what the answer is but it's not this.

My df’s family lived the high life on the profits from their care home.
It’s immoral imo.

I felt all the protection of the vulnerable during covid was OTT - my DB got covid in his care home, Parkinson and dementia, and survived with little ill effect.
Not allowing the old and frail and demented to catch a diease that ends their life naturally rather, to keep them alive unnaturally (isolation).

@Tiny2018 great post. I lost my darling mum to wretched dementia six weeks ago. Fortunately she was in an amazing care home were the staff treated us like family and were wonderful to her.. It still broke my heart to visit her every week. Even the staff agreed that once people get to the end stages of dementia something kinder should be done to help them on their way. Even the residents not bedbound would wonder around in distress, it's barbaric as you say.

She was previously in hospital and despite being an 'outstanding trust' the care was appalling.

I agree though that it's a money making exercise for private care home owners, despite the home being wonderful the owner was chasing payment for mum's care when she wasn't even cold yet, it's mercenary.

I would rather be dead than in a care home. I have no wish to be looked after by anyone. For me it's a pointless existence and isn't something I want to happen to me.

Sorry, I haven't properly figured out how to paste usernames, but the OP who mentioned Covid, I completely agree with.
I wasn't working at the time as I was studying for my Masters, but my thoughts are similar to yours.

Residents not allowed the one small relief they get, visits from family members, because the emphasis was placed on, surprise surprise, continuing to sustain their life. These people are valuable to the owners of care homes, keeping them alive turns a profit.

As another poster mentioned, it all went wrong when the ability to privately buy care homes happened. I work with a few carers who used to work in council run homes before they closed and they all speak fondly of them. Peoples lives should not be up to be profited from, but the care home business obviously isn't the only industry we see this happening.

Capitalism has a lot to answer for, these places are basically factory lines for the elderly. My best friend is a Social Worker for vulnerable adults and is often tasked with finding a home for her elderlies, I only recall her mentioning two within our area that she rates as being at all humane. Sad.

The home I work at has a 4 star rating. As another poster said, it's all in the paperwork and behaviour during inspection, not dissimilar to what happens when Ofsted visits a school. Notification is given in advance (granted not much notice, but notice nonetheless) and all staff are of course on their best behaviour, all rules and regs adhered to, all answers prepared in advance.

I will clarify, we have a lovely team of carers who do their absolute best, but they are knackered, undervalued, underpaid, barked at, pulled in every direction. Meanwhile, owners and directors swan in every now and again, unannounced, complaining about empty rooms, which need filling to continue to generate profit, with no regard for the work we do, nor the suffering of the residents.

I've ended up on two projects were the clients had made their money through care homes or 'granny farming' as one referred to it.
The sums they spent on their hobbies - both keen on military vehicles, were eye watering but a drop in the ocean with what they were banking every week. different parts of the country but both were ruthless and unpleasant. The poor carer wages and state support for the low paid are funding these millionaires lifestyles.

My DM was in a room at the end of a corridor in her care home, and usually liked the door left open. When I went to visit her I often heard the staff chatting to her and being really kind - and it can't have been for my benefit as they didn't know when I was going to turn up. It's not as if she was the easiest person to deal with even before she began getting dementia, so all credit to them.

However, they didn't really have much time to spare and, because she largely lost the ability to read and struggled with her hearing, she spent most of her time being dreadfully bored and she often said she just wanted to die. I do agree with posters upthread - I don't think we do the elderly any favours keeping them alive so long, particularly once dementia sets in. One of the saddest things was that when my mother finally died we could only see it as a welcome release for her.

I really think as a society this is a conversation we need to have.

We insist on doing everything to keep people alive even when they have no quality of life left. Stuff that we would not put a dog or a cat through....

I really would want to be given the choice to end it once I know that my independence is gone forever, that my mind is going or if I have a terminal illness. This is definitely what I would want for myself.

I think care for the elderly is very often just a money-making scheme and we also can't let religious views dictate what everyone else should do.

I’m with you. I’ve got a Dying with Dignity plan in place, all legally witnessed and signed so I’m not resuscitated or treated for anything life threatening. ( Dying with Dignity provide free info and forms to anyone who requests them)
I”d also end my life when I choose rather than go into a care home.

fleurdaisy so have I.

Thing is when you're younger and relatively healthy, it's easy to say that you would kill yourself rather than go into a home, but when you're older and already mentally incapacitated due to dementia, I'd imagine it would be pretty hard to follow through.

It would be better if doctors ceased and desisted in their super human efforts to keep elderly people alive. My friends DF had bad pneumonia- she was called up for her goodbyes - but miraculously due to modern medicine, he pulled through only to have to go into a home.

antelope if I want my life to end in a relatively peaceful way, when I decide its the right time...it should be no ones business. You'd euthanize a family dog...or maybe you wouldn't.

Tiny .. Thankyou for what you do.💐

Absolutely!

Some care homes are amazing places, but the reality is they are few and far between. Most are nothing better than factory farms for our elderly and or infirm population, and I'd sooner die younger than end up in one of those places. Eyes 👀 up more pies 🥧 in hopes of quick heart attack!

The gov should have a policy where everyone on reaching 70 must draw up a plan of their preferred care in final years.
this will be useful for family and caretakers when the time comes and ensure people have acknowledged that they will eventually die and how they hope to go. Also where the money will come from for care should they need it.
Also stop them assuming family will step in.

Agreed. My DGran was so ill, for such a long time as her body decayed around her but refusing to give up. She became so emaciated that my DMum refused to let me see her any more - she said she wanted me to remember the happy Gran, not the dying one.

DG was just telling anyone that would listen "I wish I was dead". It was heartbreaking and all we could do was say "I know - I'm sorry". 😥

I think that's an excellent idea. I might just do this anyway. It might not have any standing in law but at least my family would know my wishes, and how I'll be funding them.

That's a great idea @Snnowflake

Whenever I have visited a care home I have become more determined than ever not to end up in one. I hope I will have sufficient funds to pay for care at home if I become seriously infirm.

They should pay the dbs if you stay for a sixth months etc.

I have experience working in care homes and trust me huge profits are being made at the expense of the elderly and vulnerable

^

Who is making this profit? Private owners?

Euthanasia is a nice word for killing someone. If you support killing someone then why not be clear this is what you would be doing?