Do families from other cultures also tie themselves up in knots about celebration days?

[FourChimneys]

I mean this very respectfully, just curious really.

There are so many threads on here about the stresses of Christmas, who is visiting who, who is "allowed" to watch the children open presents etc.

Is it the same for other celebrations? Do families celebrating Diwali or Hanukkah for example get tied up in knots too? Or is it a purely Christian thing?

I think it's a British/Christian thing. We are Muslim with a South Asian cultural background. We only give gifts to the children. We don't have a culture of adults exchanging gifts. Also it can be money or gifts. Plus the emphasis is not on gifts. That's a minor part of of the experience of Eid. The emphasis is more on the social aspect with the wider community and family and food!

chill that sounds lovely. Is everyone quite relaxed about when you see each other? Do you do a lot of food sharing with family and friends?

I'm one of those atheists who turns up with a knife and fork to any celebration going. Eid, Hanukkah, if there's food, I'm eating it.

IIME it's worse because Xmas is a two month long consumerist shitshow forced on us by TV and media. The same isn't true of the other celebrations so there's less pressure.

chilliplant634 I am sorry, I don't know why your name went wrong in my previous post 😕

What Mrs Terry Pratchett said

I'm American, and we have Thanksgiving to help keep Christmas at bay. Also because Thanksgiving is a big family holiday, it takes some of the pressure off who has to be where for Christmas. For example, my son has his children for Thanksgiving this year and his ex-wife will have them at Christmas. Next year it's the reverse. No drama.

DH and I much prefer Thanksgiving and we usually have a low key Christmas, often just the two of us. Also Americans generally don't have the day before or after Christmas off, but the day after Thanksgiving is often a day off work.

I’m Jewish, we have 3 or 4 big celebrations a year, normally about 18 of us. My family and friends don’t worry about it, the more the merrier is the prevailing attitude.

I don’t really understand why xmas seems to send people into such a tizz, it’s meant to be a fun family day. Each to their own I suppose

Yes, definitely. Both dh and me are originally from India and our families live in India but whenever we go back there are a million arguments about where we spend our time, what we do with whom and it's especially bad if there are any festivals at that time. It's so bad that for many years I refused to go to India to visit either of them as I couldn't deal with the stress. I thought to he honest it's worse among Asian families but maybe it's just our families.

Could it be because it happens more often it’s less of an issue?

MrsTerryPratchett I am so with you. Just impressed you find Christmas lasts just 2 months, it always seems longer than that here, a good three months from when all the tat starts appearing in the shops.

StrangerThanFiction2 I feel for you, that sounds very stressful indeed.

We celebrate many festivals given the diversity of our family and Christmas is easy compared to 80 or so people through the house before 12 on the first day of Eid. All of them are catered for and the prep start the evening before with most people only getting a few hours sleep overnight. Two giant pots and willing children no grandchildren take care of the 40kgs of lamb that’s cooked in the garden over huge gas rings in the early hours whilst other people are inside making everything else that’s part of Eid breakfast.

Then there’s Ramadan when 30 or so people at home to break the fast is common. Yes, it’s dates and something to drink to break the fast but there are then lovely meals to follow that a little while later.

Christmas is a doddle compared to that and the most difficult bit is the whole day it takes to put up our 12 foot tree and decorate it but we turn that into a nice family day as well and it’s really enjoyable.

tbf mn is where people stress about stuff - so you’ll get more threads re Christmas on here

I am Hindu and Diwali in India is a very loud, communal affair. We are all in and out of each other's houses with sweets- friends, neighbours, relatives. If they are within travelling distance, someone will always pop in for some celebratory laughter and food.

In South India, there is an expectation for newly-weds to spend their "first" Diwali at the bride's maternal house.

I agree the Xmas excess and angst is probably a British "custom" and not a Christian one. There is a sizeable number of Christians in India and I don't recall family members taking turns to host Xmas this year or the next.

And I have to agree with MrsTP. Where I live the limited Christmas stuff is in the shops for only a few weeks before Christmas and I’m sure it helps. As for EID? It’s not really commercialized at all apart from shopping for the EID breakfast, new clothes for people (3 new outfits for the 3 days even down to undies) and maybe a few a gifts for the children though it’s not something our family does. Most people still prefer to give a small amount of money to children or a larger amount to their granny or old aunty for eg and if it’s made up of brand new notes from the bank then all the better.

it’s all just so simple.

@upfucked it certainly could be but I also think it’s because we don’t try and make it perfect. It seems that so much stress is the result of aspiring to that perfect day, if your aspirations are not for perfection it will probably be more fun.

Lamb you say?

<sidles up with a spoon>

I don't think Christmas used to be like this. I never celebrated it as a child and I don't remember being that left out. Usually was just excused from the last couple of days of school.
It's a bit of a nightmare now. I feel sorry for parents as it must be so much pressure, not to mention the parents of different beliefs that try to navigate it. Every single book my nephew is covering this half term in reception is Christmas based, every 'fun' day is centered around Christmas. Golden time etc. Christmas songs in the playground the day after Halloween. Every single arts thing they're doing is Christmas. It seems very over the top.
I have no problem with it being celebrated but I have no idea how parents have the time, energy and money for all this. It seems hyper consumerised.

No because people in other families tend to not view extended family as tedious irritating people they have to put up with. In my culture we all celebrate together - both sets of in laws and all.

Find the British attitude to extended family totally and utterly bizarre and always have.

Chinese New Year can be very political too. How much to give each child (if you are a married adult). And you need to go to the bank to get 'new' bank notes.

My dad used to keep records of how much each aunt/uncle gave me. in the 1990s, it was in a log book and now it has all been meticulously recorded in Excel. Apparently its quite common. So I know there are a lot of discussions amongst relatives on the correct amount to give, i guess no one wants to look stingy! But in my family, we don't tend to give more than $20-50 per child (there are 15 grandchildren easily on one side of the family). I know that there are families where the aunts and uncles give hundreds to each child and probably not everyone can afford this, so it must get political.

Back in the day when I was a prison governor the lads insisted I join them and share their food at Eid and made an effort to politely include me in their conversation (I did leave them to enjoy the feast after trying a bit of everything they piled on my plate!).

I can't remember which Eid it was, not Eid-al-Fitr as for that we'd have a big do and the guys could invite family members in for the main meal, and bring friends from the wing, it was absolutely all welcome.

One year in another prison where we had some Chinese prisoners their families organised loads of food for Chinese New Year so there was enough for everyone to try something - staff and prisoners (yes, security measures were in place, no hacksaws in the cake).

My family are Muslim so celebrate Eid. Its actually quite a relaxed celebration. As pp have said the emphasis is very much on family and religion.

As I have young kids I do make a big effort at home. I'll decorate overnight, and wrap presents etc so it's all lovely and exciting for them to wake up to on the day. We go to prayer and then do pancakes with all the toppings. Then slowly get dressed up and go over to my in laws house for the rest of the day as that's where the rest of the family (over 50 people) will all gather.

No expectations or obligations on getting gifts etc but between the 2 ends I'll buy stuff for in laws aswel.

Also I think it helps that we don't have father Christmas etc so no stress over that.

I am a Jewish convert but part of what attracted me to the religion is how low key the holidays are. Most of them are relatively faff free except for passover cleaning (and you can get help, plus you need to spring clean your home anyway). They are relatively inexpensive as long as you don't insist on buying kosher for passover groceries (I am not orthodox so I can opt out). But even for my mother in law who is orthodox, her kosher for passover groceries for the week cost £100 this year and apparently the prices have really shot up! Its a snip compared to Christmas.

Yes, I think it's relaxed. Obviously, if you are married then you will normally spend some time with both own parents and inlaws. But I think attitude to family is different overall. Like another PP mentioned they're not considered a pain in arse that have to be put up with. People enjoy getting together with extended family. And if there are any members of the family who make annoying comments we don't get all indignant about it and go NC like you see so often on MN. It's seen as just being part of life. You get on with it and carry on.

I think the big problem with Christmas is that it is so hyped up and commercialised. Like another pp said Christmas songs, Christmas stories, Christmas everything starting months before. Also the community aspect of sharing and giving doesn't seem to be emphasised at all. It's all about the getting and not the giving.

Perhaps it also varies from family to family?

I do sometimes feel that I have been dropped into some kind of alternate world if I happen on to one of the Christmas threads on here. So much angst. I especially find the ones "My child is going to secondary school. Do I tell her that Santa/FC isn't real? I just don't want to spoil the magic." a bit WTF.

Half my family are S Asian.

I don’t think it is a Christian thing, I think it is a British Nuclear Family thing.

There is no way anyone in my S Asian half of the family would think that fewer people was better than more. It is far more expected that multi generations will always be present. There are feuds and huffs but no one considers that a reason to keep party of the family at bay. Kids could well be opening presents in front of family, the neighbours and someone’s cousin or hairdresser who has dropped round uninvited and without warning … and has been warmly welcomed.

For big holiday occasions someone will host a big get together, whether or not they have room in the house, and everyone will contribute to the cooking and food. No one will get precious about whether a dish is compatible with their carefully regulated menu.

Probably some branch of the extended family will have gone to another big gathering, no one gets miffed.

No sense of obligation to go to a lone PILs, because that would never arise.

It can be exasperating and exhausting, but it avoids much of the cats bum mouths and passive aggressive arrangement planning that I see on MN.