Do families from other cultures also tie themselves up in knots about celebration days?

[FourChimneys]

I mean this very respectfully, just curious really.

There are so many threads on here about the stresses of Christmas, who is visiting who, who is "allowed" to watch the children open presents etc.

Is it the same for other celebrations? Do families celebrating Diwali or Hanukkah for example get tied up in knots too? Or is it a purely Christian thing?

For those people saying that Christmas stress is only on MN, my original post was actually prompted by someone in real life telling me about the huge problem she has trying to please all the different parts of her family.

I am really enjoying the replies here. So many fascinating details.

I live in southern Germany and Christmas is quieter. What non Germans call "Christmas markets" are actually advent markets, and outside big cities they're only one weekend - Christmas itself isn't a big party but new year (Sylvester) is.

However confirmations and holy communions are massive family events which are horrendous especially for the mother of traditional families who spends the whole week leading up to the cooking and cleaning day trying to please/ live up to the expectations of everyone in the extended family - children receive ridiculous (competitive) amounts of money (often adding up to multiple thousand euros).

Birthdays can be similar in some families - a huge weight of expectations from extended family to be hosted, which lands on the mother of the family/ wife in traditional families. Or the birthday person is expected to host extended family in a restaurant and pay for everyone.

Presents (outside first communion and confirmation) are less ott but the hosting expectations are staggering. Colleagues complain extensively and regularly but those from traditional, country families cannot imagine breaking the tradition as it'd cause so much affront.

I’m Hindu Punjabi and we have lots of festivals from spring leading up to Diwali. A lot these festivals involve giving small gifts/money and focus on different elements of the family:
Rakhi - brothers & sisters exchange gifts
Navratri - gifts to young girls
Hoi Ma - gifts to young boys
Karva Chauth - gifts to married women
Lohri - celebrating newlyweds and new babies
We don’t have a big emphasis on gifts for Diwali and start preparing for it at the most a week before.

We do celebrate Christmas too and have a tree, decorations, presents from Santa and a special nice meal.

it’s a shame Christmas has become so commercialised and a lot of people don’t actually seem to enjoy it because it’s so stressful & expensive

It’s not as relaxed as chilliplant634 claims. Imagine being the DIL expected to host and cook for the smalls during one of those celebrations, trust me there’s a lot of drama and pressure.

Look at Indian weddings which can’t days multiple days as an example.

Also in the UD Diwali is beginning more popular and is not a public holiday. Target Walmart etc now have sections for Diwali cards, gifts etc similar to Christmas and are also getting bigger and commercialized.

I'm british and never had any drama... I think dramatic people make drama not culture.

My family are all low key socially awkward hermits, we are perfectly happy to stay home alone, in fact its our worst nightmare to get dragged to a big xmas palaver.

It seems to be the hyper social butterflies who cause the issues where there are non, the HAVE to be with other people (regardless of what anyone else wants) and have their way (without compromise) and cant accept some people are just happy to do things simply without dragging everyone out to one spot (infact some of us really do prefer it).

I am orthodox (from am ex-comunist country). As a child, Christmas in our family was usually quiet, we would visit my grandparents or close friends for a special Christmas meal and presents were mostly given to children. There was no drama, no fuss, on the contrary, Christmas used to mean happy times.

Many things have changed since then. People start shopping anxiously for Christmas presents in November and the traffic is a mess. Nobody seems to enjoy it anymore and by the time Christmas arrives, everyone is exhausted.

We celebrate it quietly, our family is scattered all over the country (not UK) so sometimes it's just the two of us, the cats and the dog and obviously no Christmas tree as the other residents in our home would knock it down in a blink of eye. We visit relatives and friends, exchange gifts and spend time together. The same things happen for Easter, but gift exchanging is not so popular.

In my religion, there is less value placed on giving gifts and more on the coming together of community for the duration of each event. It is hard to do things any differently as we live primarily among people of our own faith although as with most places in London, it is becoming more diverse, which has given me some wonderful Hindu and Muslim neighbours.

It’s not a real one. Also, I have high ceilings and tall ladders as well as tall children and grandchildren. It takes a full day from early morning till dinner time to sort it all out but it’s good fun.

I reckon it’s an individual family thing. I’m Muslim my mother would absolutely throw a shit fit if we didn’t go to hers for Eid. She’d be all wow is me and passive aggressive about it.

as a kid we’d all go to my grandmothers for Eid and she’d operate and open door policy so we’d have guests coming and going all day long, to sit and gossip and eat.

It's not a "Christian" thing, it's a consumerism thing. The Christian thing is not about the food or the presents etc.

My family are overseas as I am from another country. DH's sisters have immigrated to Israel and they don't come back for the festivals. MIL is also from another country and she tends to fly back to stay for extended periods of time to care for her dad (DH's sisters tend to meet up with her in her dad's country). We live in the same borough in London as MIL so we see each other every week. MIL tends to celebrate the Jewish holidays in London as it's much easier to buy the supplies here and her community is here..

It's weird but based on my DH's family and mine, we all seem to live in capital/major cities. And it's so far to travel that we tend to celebrate locally with whatever family members are there unless it coincides with a BIG trip.

@MrsThimbles

Sounds amazing, I love lamb.

I've been to Eid celebrations when I lived in the midlands but here I don't know of any Muslims, not very diverse (mores the pity, there's no Indian sweet shops!)

I think a lot of people do go out for their cultural/ religious festivals and days, but Christmas is pushed especially hard by the media so the pressure is on everyone not just the people who want to go all out.
I think celebration days are one of the very best things about being human, but the excessively consumerist element of Christmas now makes it my least favourite holiday. I try to make a big thing of our other celebration days and have a lower key Christmas

Definitely what @MrsTerryPratchett said!

What@MaryBeardsShoes said.

I am Christian and used to live in a Muslim country. It was so nice to celebrate Christmas without all the pressure of a consumer society!

After all we are celebrating someone who was born in poor circumstances and later fled as a refugee.

Like I said, it depends on how your family does things. A lot of families prefer to do a dish each so there isn't such a huge burden on the one hosting. So for example, host does rice and salad. Sibling 1's family make curry, sibling 2, make a side dish, sibling 3 brings dessert. It all works out.

I’m British and Christmas in this family has never been a stress-fest - I do get sick of people saying it’s bound to be, because of all the ‘pressure’. You absolutely do not have to give in to all that - it’s perfectly possible to have lovely Christmases without going completely OTT.

As a side note - I just got some new Christmas decorations delivered and DH is extremely excited about them. Doesn't celebrate Christmas as a religious holiday, but his whole family LOVE the tree and decorating their homes. We've got the Christmas tree with Star of David ornaments and about 4 menorahs mingling with the tinsel.

But sometimes you get Christmas that's a stress-fest whether you want it to be or not. When I was little it was never food/decorations or anything that caused upset but rather family expectations of being invited to stay, or us going to stay with them when my parents didn't want to, expectations about attending church services etc etc. You can't just opt out of your family for that month of the year and see them the rest of the time, so if Christmas sends them a bit mad there's nothing you can do to stop it.

I agree with this.

Expectations cause stress - expectations that adults drag their own children to their parents and behave as though there's nowhere they'd rather be, even though it'd be so much more relaxed in their own home, expectations that the parents of those adults want nothing more than to host their adult children and grandchildren in their quite likely no longer child-appropriate home and spend several days cooking and cleaning and making space, expectations of driving around to visit extended family, expectations that atheists attend (sometimes multiple) religious services to please the hosts - and not least the demand that everyone must be happy and smiling and grateful the entire time, and anything less "ruins Christmas".

Even if all that's achieved, someone is usually offended by not having been visited on the high status "big day" or by not having received expected invitations (even if everyone knew they were being hosted/ had plans).

It's the worst day for inflated expectations, offense and disappointment without even including anything about gifts or food.

Very interesting thread!

Other cultures have the added 'burden' of Xmas as well as their own celebrations ... one Xmas day my Uber driver, a Muslim, said he would be returning home by 6 as his family would be having a turkey dinner, as it was a day when his family would all be able to get together.

Because of work commitments, annual leave, school holidays etc. non-Christian families have to work around Xmas like everyone else - and he said that his adult daughter would be visiting her in-laws, also Muslim, earlier in the day, to keep them happy too!

Depends on what they're like.

My friend's Nan is fucking miserable mood killer. She's the type who will insist on seeing the grandkids at Christmas, won't travel if she can get away with it. So if the GKsnare eventually dragged round there, Nan will just sit in her chair, watching TV and ignores the kids, insisting they're quiet whilst she watches some show like a d old episode of The Bill doesn't buy them gifts, and then sends them home because she's had enough if them if she goes to their house, she sits and complains about it being too noisy, the food is crap, why aren't the kids doing x etc.

That's definitely an endurance!

I think it's a British thing. I'm Dutch and we have Saint Martin on the 11th Nov (carols and parades), then Saint Nicolas with presents for children on the 5-6th Dec finally followed by Christmas and in my family Epiphany. That gives a lots to celebrate so less stress on any one day!

Saint Nicolas is the most intense. He arrives a month before and there are lots of parades, TV shows and activities for children. This year there was uproar because his boat sank in the nightly TV adventures of the Saint! It's nowhere near as commercialised as Christmas in the UK though. Kids don't get a day off school so presents are in the evening and there are no grandparents unless they live nearby. Dinner is simple. That takes the pressure off significantly!

I'm Swedish and our christmas is on the 24th. If the kids are small it starts with a stocking which hangs on their bed when they wake up, then porridge for breakfast for all. The day then consists of watching this particular TV show at 3pm, after that presents, cooking, then it's Christmas dinner and just spending time together. Christmas day is just a day to relax. It is generally less presents I think in Sweden, or at least for my family, and although people do drink, they don't get drunk. It's also usually very much an open house, and the more the merrier.

Christmas for me is 12 days off work winter break- usually at home. I love it. We are not religious.

We have a nice quiet day with kids, other people very welcome. Eat nice food.

I like the tree, cheese & a fancy pudding. Dd2 loves Xmas films & songs. Dd1 loves gifts & food. So we cover all the bases. We will go to a Xmas show and winter wonderland.

My family are abroad & low key so no drama there. I buy for a couple of friends & my kids.

I don't watch advertisements on tv which helps. It's much less stressful if you just say no & focus on what you like.