Do families from other cultures also tie themselves up in knots about celebration days?

[FourChimneys]

I mean this very respectfully, just curious really.

There are so many threads on here about the stresses of Christmas, who is visiting who, who is "allowed" to watch the children open presents etc.

Is it the same for other celebrations? Do families celebrating Diwali or Hanukkah for example get tied up in knots too? Or is it a purely Christian thing?

I feel some pressure with Eid to make it as special as possible but nowhere near the levels faced on the Christmas threads!

There’s the usual pressure of cooking and making sure everything’s out of the oven on time (tbf my dh does most of the food as he’s a better cook but his timekeeping skills are atrocious) and we do like to buy our children, friends, teachers, etc presents so that requires quite a bit of planning in advance. Then there’s the outfits, getting everyone photo ready, so much small talk with so many people which I’m not very good at… but I also really enjoy it and I’m v grateful to have a family to spend it with.

Wow! How do you manage a 12 foot tree?!

I am Russian. We have Orthodox Christmas on 7th of January and it is mostly a quiet religious celebration, believers go to the all-night Christmas service and it is much more about religion, and more personal. The main 'presents and celebrations' day is New Year, and I don't think it is such a stress, people celebrate the way they like, though there are some traditions, of course. Pressure in terms of presents depends on the family, in my family it is fun and relaxed, everyone exchanges small gifts.
From January the 1st to the 10th we have holidays - may be this also makes it more relaxed, because you have plenty of time to visit the extended family, celebrate with friends etc. Some people just relax at home and watch New Year films, some go abroad or to ski resorts in the country, families with children usually spend time in parks having all kinds of winter fun (skating, sledging, skiing, making snowmen etc), visit relatives, go to the theaters and children's winter entertainment programmes. All the major museums, parks and theaters have something in this period. I don't think there's much pressure or stress, at least I don't see it on forums like this or Facebook discussions

I have created a thread asking for advice about a more simplified Christmas and I will remembering this.

I'm finding all of these replies fascinating. I love learning about different traditions.

I think it’s Christmas specific and I’m not sure all countries have the all-singing ££££ fest, either.

I’m Jewish, it’s absolutely the more the merrier and no one would blink an eye at having the next door neighbour’s elderly aunty or whatever joining in for a holiday meal. When I’ve visited Israel close to the holidays I’ve had bus drivers ask if I’ve got anywhere to go! Very serious offers to ring their wives and let them know there’s another guest coming. Hannukah has eight days of presents so you learn to pace yourself and it’s socks, undies and atlases by the end of the week.

I still go all in on xmas cheese and chocs though. Part of my assimilation into British culture 😁

Another Jew here.

We've just come out of a month of festivals (Rosh Hashana/New Year, Yom Kippur, Sukkot & Simchat Torah) and are a month away from Hanukkah. We have quite frequent holidays so it would be exhausting to pour all our energy into just one.

Pesach is actually our big one, where families get together. There can be some heightened emotion as to who goes to Seder where, but one of the points of the festival is to welcome strangers, to remind us of being exiled in Egypt. So it's the more the merrier.

And since gift-giving isn't really the main point of any festivals (except charitable giving, and food parcels at Purim) there aren't the arguments about who gave what.

May I ask, do those of you from other cultures in the UK tend to live near extended family? Because one issue we (and many of our friends) face is that families are scattered - one friend has one set of parents on the Isle of Skye and the in-laws on the Isle of Wight, so they really can't see them on the same day (!), and would need to stay a couple of nights at both (as they don't live near either), which does need at least some planning. A bit tricky to drop in for a couple of hours....

We live all round the UK but always come together for celebrations.

I'm British but my DH is not and I have found I increasingly prefer his approach to family and celebrations. Very much the more the merrier, non commercialised and the emphasis is on spending time together rather than perfect tablescapes or what dessert goes with what main. There's lots of food and often people will be standing around holding a plate and no one cares, it's very chill. Parents and Inlaws are cherished, there is absolutely no concern over them trying to "steal" precious memories or trying to get one up on the parents by buying something the dc want.
I've increasingly found Christmas to be quite a sad time, when I was young (I'm an 80s child) we had big extended family Christmases and I loved having my dgps, cousins, aunts and uncles around on the day. My family have now largely become a "just us" family and no one wants to host anyone. If I don't invite everyone we wouldn't see each other.

I've always wondered when children from other cultures get most of their toys. Is it birthdays or do you just get stuff as and when?

As for christmas, there's no angst in my extended family. We just go wherever is most practical and everyone is fine with that. We see everyone at some point over the festive season. I think you only get the major dramas on MN.

@MrsTerryPratchett it's open house for Eid at my mums with lamb curry, roast chicken, korma, biryaani and all the trimmings!

No, both of our families are in other countries. I’d imagine if they were in the UK but far apart the pressure to visit both on Eid would be much higher though!
Some years we’ll fly over to them (alternating families) depending on their plans, but mostly we’ll stay at home and invite friends and others from our community. There’s a lot of people who have converted to Islam who don’t have a family to spend Eid with so it’s very much an open door thing for us, my non-Muslim friends will come and spend some time with us - and I go to theirs to celebrate their holidays with them too when invited.

Another Jew here, I converted to Judaism many years ago and lived in an orthodox community in Israel for 7 years, although I am no longer involved and don't live near any community now.

Anyway, every week was Shabbat, we would either have Friday night and Saturday lunch at someone else house or have guests over. I would spend Thursday evening and all day Friday cooking and preparing so it was as much of a faff every week as Christmas is once a year.
I think because people in the UK aren't really used to having lots of guests and having to cook a big meal, it becomes more of a stress and a minefield and people put expectations of perfection on themselves.

Chanukah can't really be compared to Christmas at all, although it is 8 days and yes is in winter, the focus isn't really on presents except as small gifts for children. At least, it wasn't the case in the communities I have been in in, either in Israel or in the UK.

Most Jewish festivals revolve around food and family, the more the merrier and nobody would be left alone, there was always room for an extra chair or plate.

We are Sikh and its pretty much open house for all and any occasions, vasakhi, diwali, and we even get together over the Xmas holidays... The more the merrier! There is joy in communal prayer, sharing food and being with the community.
With our festivals there isn't a huge angst over gifts so that takes a lot of stress away.
Last Xmas a local friend dropped round unannounced, but its no bother as we were home anyway and enjoyed seeing her.
A lot of Asian families believe no one should ever leave your house without being fed and watered, even if it's just a small snack and a glass of juice, so its strange to me to see on some threads here that people don't offer drinks or food to guests.
As for friends I visit my Muslim friend when she comes home after Eid at her mums, we share a cuppa and I give her a little gift, it's not me appropriating her festival, but just showing her love at an important time. My hindu friend invites my daughters to partake in a cultural event at the local mandir, we are always welcomed.

@FourChimneys I’m married to someone Jewish (I’m culturally Christian but not a believer) and in most of my DP’s extended family and family friends, there seems to be a bit of wrangling once you’re married about whether you spend the big holidays with your parents or in laws and whose ‘turn’ it is. Especially once you’ve got kids.

As we’re mixed we shouldn’t get this because it should be a given that we’ll spend Passover how DP wants to (with the in laws) and Christmas how I want to (ideally just us and the kiddos). DP’s family never really made a big deal out of Christmas and just do a roast dinner but no tree and presents at Hanukkah instead so the PILs are fine for us to spend Christmas just us. However for the last couple of years SIL who is Jewish and married to a Jewish guy has started making a huge fuss over the fact that we want to spend Christmas just us and throws huge tantrums about how we’re running her perfect fairytale Christmas by not all spending it all together at her parents, how selfish we are to keep our kiddo from her, how she just wants everything to be perfect (for her).

So it seems that even if you’re culturally not Christian and have no family tradition of Christmas you can still turn Christmas into a huge drama and insist it’s done your way 🙃

One thing that we did years ago was to limit present giving to children only (17 and under).

I'm Jewish and a thousand times yes in my extended family.

Most are ok but Pesach/Passover is a nightmare.

Who is hosting, how many nights, who is coming?
Are we doing it the way the most or least religious persons wants to (v v wide range in my family) or some awkward compromise?

Are we eating only extremely kosher food? What about my relative who won't eat anything manufactured in Israel for political reasons? What about my cousin who won't eat sugar and my aunt who is on a diet?

What time is in acceptable for the kids to go to bed and please can we finish the ceremonies before 2am this year? What tune are we singing for the songs?

Who is providing the kids with a present (part of the ceremonies), and how big is it and should the other side of the family reciprocate and can we stop doing that but once the 'kids' in question have their own kids?

I don't really enjoy it!

Chanukah is good. Relaxed and a bit like Christmas spread over eight nights.

We also do Christmas with my husband's family so I have that drama on the other side too! But generally I enjoy Christmas more than any of the Jewish festivals as we do it just for fun in an entirely secular way.

My in laws are Indian. There are a lot of festivities and a lot of family politics/dramas at these times!

I’m a Jew but my family are a nightmare and filled with many awful people, so our holidays were still a mire of stress and shouting.
Plus we’re British so did Christmas anyway. Sod Jesus, it’s all about Santa. And mum getting drunk while Dad had a tantrum. That’s Christmas!

Oh plus I grew up abroad so even MORE opportunities for tantrums because of travel arrangements.

I think it’s more about the people than anything else, difficult people will make big events difficult because they are involved

Christmas. The time when people spend more than they can afford on things that nobody could possibly want for people they don’t even like.

Yes, I don't think the average person worries as much.
Also, obviously Christmas is a bigger deal for parents than for the rest of us.

DH is part of a massive Jewish Family, and while they can be a bit drama laden, it's very much "the more the merrier". Also, there are loads of Jewish Holidays and most of them aren't just one day - so there are plenty of opportunities to get together or host.