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Original poster

Lo! The ultimate cheeky fucker has been found

318 replies

learieonthewildmoor · 28/10/2022 15:04

A friend of mine died suddenly a few weeks ago. He had separated from his wife last year and had made a will.
He had been invited to a wedding next year. The mother of the bride texted his ex-wife asking that money from his estate be used to buy a gift for the couple.

Everyone who knew and loved him is still reeling from his death. But the important thing for this woman is her daughter still gets a gift from him. How in the name of all that is good and holy would you ask that?
My friend, God love him, was a tight bastard and would have been buying the cheapest thing on the registry; which makes it even worse somehow.

OP posts:
CarolShields · 28/10/2022 23:37

Shutuplouis · 28/10/2022 19:35

I know a situation where person A left their house an a substantial amount of money & shares in Trust to allow their disabled adult son to stay in the house and be looked after. When the son dies the house & any money left goes to a charity. The charity were informed when A died as the charity will be a beneficiary in the end. The charity writes to the trustees asking for share valuations every year. Son could live for a long time yet.

Gosh this is just awful. The deceased would have carried sadness and worry all of their lives about what was going to happen to their disabled child on their own death.
They probably thought they were doing the right thing by ultimately leaving money to charity.

And yet the charity cannot or will not honour the deceased’s memory by showing the same respect and generosity that they’ve given the charity, to the poor disabled child.
Horrendous.

Rather than saying “I hope they never get their hands on the money” which was my first reaction, I’ll say I wonder whether the beneficiaries of the specific charity know how the money is obtained? And whether they’d feel distaste for the sheer callousness.

i don’t know whether you’re in a position to shutuplouis but you could consider putting forward DPMismyfavouritecolour to the executors? That is, making a report to the charities commission.

Sorry for your loss learieonthewildmoor I don’t have any trouble believing you. There are plenty of examples on this thread of how horrible people can be.

LaGioconda · 29/10/2022 00:25

learieonthewildmoor · 28/10/2022 15:22

And she did it by text! His ex- wife hasn’t replied: what on earth would you say to that?

"I've spent it all already, tough luck"

Razzle5 · 29/10/2022 05:23

Shutuplouis · 28/10/2022 19:35

I know a situation where person A left their house an a substantial amount of money & shares in Trust to allow their disabled adult son to stay in the house and be looked after. When the son dies the house & any money left goes to a charity. The charity were informed when A died as the charity will be a beneficiary in the end. The charity writes to the trustees asking for share valuations every year. Son could live for a long time yet.

They have to. By law. Annually do this.

Razzle5 · 29/10/2022 05:29

BigglyBee · 28/10/2022 20:48

Bloody hell, @BigglyBee , what on earth made them think your house belonged to their mother? Did your husband intervene?

The farm had originally belonged to FIL, but the house had been condemned, so he gave it all to DH, who built (literally, with his own hands) another one, worked the land and cared for each of his parents when they became ill, as well as fishing in the North Sea, so he was a bit busy for a few years, and he could never be sure that his dad had told his arsehole brothers.

He did intervene when one of them threatened me. I'm not sure exactly what happened because I'd taken the dog out of the way, but when I came back, each brother was sulking in his room and my frying pan had a dent in it! Land does funny things to people and CF-ery of this level is not unusual in farming families in my area.

So presumably all very straightforward to sort. You just show the stack of papers confirming transfer of ownership from your FIL to your DH

Razzle5 · 29/10/2022 05:34

All I will say on the charity issue is that having done some legal work of a small charity in the past - you would be dumbfounded how utterly horrifying some families respond to the news that their late love one has given money to charity (instead of them) and make it as DIFFICULT as possible for the charity to obtain what the deceased actually wanted to happen. It was utterly depressing to witness how angry and pissed off so many were when they knew they money of the deceased would be going to charity and not them

Razzle5 · 29/10/2022 05:36

CarolShields · 28/10/2022 23:37

Gosh this is just awful. The deceased would have carried sadness and worry all of their lives about what was going to happen to their disabled child on their own death.
They probably thought they were doing the right thing by ultimately leaving money to charity.

And yet the charity cannot or will not honour the deceased’s memory by showing the same respect and generosity that they’ve given the charity, to the poor disabled child.
Horrendous.

Rather than saying “I hope they never get their hands on the money” which was my first reaction, I’ll say I wonder whether the beneficiaries of the specific charity know how the money is obtained? And whether they’d feel distaste for the sheer callousness.

i don’t know whether you’re in a position to shutuplouis but you could consider putting forward DPMismyfavouritecolour to the executors? That is, making a report to the charities commission.

Sorry for your loss learieonthewildmoor I don’t have any trouble believing you. There are plenty of examples on this thread of how horrible people can be.

Show quote history

The trustees wrote annually asking for a valuation because they are LEGALLY obliged to report in their annual returns

Razzle5 · 29/10/2022 05:38

CarolShields · 28/10/2022 23:37

Gosh this is just awful. The deceased would have carried sadness and worry all of their lives about what was going to happen to their disabled child on their own death.
They probably thought they were doing the right thing by ultimately leaving money to charity.

And yet the charity cannot or will not honour the deceased’s memory by showing the same respect and generosity that they’ve given the charity, to the poor disabled child.
Horrendous.

Rather than saying “I hope they never get their hands on the money” which was my first reaction, I’ll say I wonder whether the beneficiaries of the specific charity know how the money is obtained? And whether they’d feel distaste for the sheer callousness.

i don’t know whether you’re in a position to shutuplouis but you could consider putting forward DPMismyfavouritecolour to the executors? That is, making a report to the charities commission.

Sorry for your loss learieonthewildmoor I don’t have any trouble believing you. There are plenty of examples on this thread of how horrible people can be.

Show quote history

So if they put a report to the Cc complaining about being asked to provide an annual valuation

the CC will respond back with one line in all likelihood

“The Trustees are performing their legal obligations in respect of annual reporting requirements”

thebellagio · 29/10/2022 09:01

@glassfully we had a similar experience selling the stuff within the property - we felt under so much pressure to get as much as possible for the furniture/belongings because our probate solicitor had warned that Cancer Research Uk would do exactly the same thing if they deemed that we hadn’t sold items for enough money.

we had a valuer visit the property and value absolutely everything and we had to try and meet those valuations.

in the end we managed it, but it definitely added to the stress of trying to clear the house.

I do understand it because obviously the charities want to get as much as possible but it just showed me why you should only ever leave a set amount to charity not a proportion of an estate

NippyWoowoo · 29/10/2022 10:11

No way, no one would do this

CarolShields · 29/10/2022 10:51

This reply has been withdrawn

This message has been withdrawn at the poster's request

Razzle5 · 29/10/2022 11:07

This reply has been deleted

This message has been withdrawn at the poster's request

Good grief!

Rogue1001MNer · 29/10/2022 11:18

I've enjoyed your posts on here @Razzle5 🤷‍♀️

Razzle5 · 29/10/2022 11:20

Rogue1001MNer · 29/10/2022 11:18

I've enjoyed your posts on here @Razzle5 🤷‍♀️

@CarolShields clearly hasn’t 😂

redbigbananafeet · 29/10/2022 11:48

In his Ex Wife's case I would definitely without hesitation forward the message to the bride. She will likely be horrified. That's the best punishment for this CF.

KimberleyClark · 29/10/2022 11:52

Remainiac · 28/10/2022 15:35

How about a miniature urn containing a spoonful of his ashes, bit like the cricket Ashes?

That would be brilliant. “ Seeing as my ex husband was sadly unable to attend the wedding in person we thought the next best thing would be this lasting memento of him”.

WomanStanleyWoman2 · 29/10/2022 12:04

Rogue1001MNer · 29/10/2022 11:18

I've enjoyed your posts on here @Razzle5 🤷‍♀️

Me too - but I suspect for different reasons. It’s not often you get someone who manages to both troll hunt the OP AND tell anyone who’s experienced anything similar why they’re completely wrong to be upset 🙄

Newtrix · 29/10/2022 12:06

My jaw literally dropped!!!

Razzle5 · 29/10/2022 12:18

WomanStanleyWoman2 · 29/10/2022 12:04

Me too - but I suspect for different reasons. It’s not often you get someone who manages to both troll hunt the OP AND tell anyone who’s experienced anything similar why they’re completely wrong to be upset 🙄

Show quote history

Pleased you enjoyed

WeBuiltThisBuffetOnSausageRoll · 29/10/2022 12:45

Ooo a voucher for the least amount possible from Iceland frozen foods.

One of those rather frightening Lewis Capaldi pizzas - and don't leave it in the freezer either, let it get all drippy and defrosty everywhere!

I've always been wary about Comic Relief, but the above experience is horrifying. If somebody had given them the brief to discredit the whole concept of charitable giving and really turn anybody off wanting to support charity, they couldn't have achieved it any better. Apart from anything else, as has been said, notice that they never seem to think that the hefty legal fees should come out of their share, even if it's the lion's share.

Weren't CR the ones who were caught investing in extremely 'unsuitable' things in the developing world? Maybe, to some charities, the helping people aspect is kind of important to them, but a very clear second to getting in the maximum money they possibly can - even if they actually end up hurting the people they're meant to be helping in the process.

It's shocking that so many people think that somebody dying = you have a right to your share of free stuff (even if you weren't actually close to them) and the grief and sadness of the conclusion of a life and the loss of a loved one doesn't even enter into their minds as at all relevant.

WeBuiltThisBuffetOnSausageRoll · 29/10/2022 12:48

but when I came back, each brother was sulking in his room and my frying pan had a dent in it!

This has really left me Muttleying!! I never realised that the stuff of Bottom actually happened in real life Grin

PriamFarrl · 29/10/2022 12:49

This reply has been deleted

This message has been withdrawn at the poster's request

Bloody hell, who pissed on your cornflakes.
All Razzle has done is point out the legalities of it

Think about it this way. Uncle Jim dies. Tom and Dave thought they were going to inherit but Uncle Jim has left it all to charity. But Tom is the one who has to sell everything. So he sells Uncle Jim’s stuff to Dave for tuppence who then goes on to sell it for the real value and split the profits with Tom. Is that what Uncle Dave wanted? No.

And that last paragraph about Razzle’s personality based on fuck all is plain nasty.

uncomfortablydumb53 · 29/10/2022 13:00

I'm sorry for the loss of your friend
What is she thinking?!
I think I'd reply " I'll pass your request onto his executors"
Then bloody the grabby bitch

uncomfortablydumb53 · 29/10/2022 13:10

Block... bloody would get you into trouble!

WomanStanleyWoman2 · 29/10/2022 15:38

And that last paragraph about Razzle’s personality based on fuck all is plain nasty.

It was based on her attitude across several posts, as far as I can see.

Razzle5 · 29/10/2022 15:45

WomanStanleyWoman2 · 29/10/2022 15:38

And that last paragraph about Razzle’s personality based on fuck all is plain nasty.

It was based on her attitude across several posts, as far as I can see.

I asked some questions.

I outlined the legal situation

what posts are you referring to out of interest?