This is going to be controversial but...

[rosesarered95]

I genuinely don't understand the concept of charging your children "rent" to live in their own home. Wouldn't you rather help them by allowing them to save as much money as possible (especially in this current economy) instead of taking money from them which may reduce the amount that they can save each month, resulting in it taking them a bit longer to move out?

I bought my own property on my own aged 25 and would have never been able to achieve this if I wasn't allowed to stay at home rent free and save as much of my salary as I could. Can I just add, I contributed to the household in other ways e.g cooking for the family weekly, cleaning etc.

I totally understand charging your children rent if you are on a lower income and genuinely need the money, but if this is not the case for you, why do you charge your children rent?

There are different types of independence though, and the ultimate goal is the adult DC living fully independently in their own home (rented or owned).

Charging an adult DC rent prolongs the time they are dependent on you for housing even if it is only a token amount.

So I don’t agree that it’s “facilitating their dependence on you for the rest of their lives” as it’s literally building their savings up the fastest possibly way so they can move out as fully independent adults that much sooner.

Charging rent also potentially makes you, the parent, dependent on your child to help cover the costs of your housing and utilities. Your spending and lifestyle is likely to grow as you have more money to work with. This can cause shocks when they do move out as a pp has said and I have a few friends that are actually trying to “forbid” their DC from moving out as they don’t want to have to downsize and move which they’d have to do as they cannot afford to keep their home without the DCs’ contributions.

Of course, the paragraph above does not apply if you’re not using the money but putting it into a savings account to give to them later- all in the name of teaching a life lesson on how to pay bills and a taste of the real world etc etc. But I think this is a blunt tool and a lesson that should be have been taught much earlier. All my DC had online subscriptions by age 13 that were ‘bills’ they had to track and pay. At 18, they all took over their phone contracts and got their first credit cards- so had these bills to track and pay. The ones at Uni signed their own tenancy agreements/paid their rent and set up their own utility bills/paid them. If one of my DC were to move back home after Uni, they know all these lessons already. So far one has graduated and he’s not moved back. The other two are in Uni and my youngest is in sixth form.

We have two living with us and they pay roughly a quarter of monthly bills (mortgage free). I buy food and household items and pay things like vet bills, house maintenance costs. They pay for Netflix, Prime etc and we get to use them, but we're light users compared to them.

When they were younger, it was a nominal amount, but it's become very obvious that they will spend rather than save any spare cash, so I don't feel bad about asking them to contribute. Their brother and sister have their own homes and families, and they have much less in the way of disposable income after bills.

I don't see the logic in 2 or one adult scrimping and saving and going without to support a fully functioning adult with their entire wages to themselves........this thread is ridiculously naive.

Paying rent/mortgage is part of being an adult though.

All adult should contribute to the costs of existing in the house they live in. My parents charged me rent (not market rate) and it helped me learn to manage money. But even if I could already do so - there is no necessity for an adult who can work to have a free ride. I’ll be charging my kids rent too, based on what they earn, not market rate.

These threads always go the same way.

Some people use the term 'charge rent' this is deemed unacceptable or to quote @BlueKaftan ' a huge betrayal'
Asking your children to 'chip in' for bills and food is however fine.
Call it rent, board, digs, chipping in, contribution - call it what you want - it's all the same thing.

I don't understand why people are unable to see that.
My 18 year old who has just got a job at Tesco will be 'chipping in' £250 a month.
We had a sensible, adult conversation about what it costs to run the house, including the vast amount of food he eats.
He will still have around £800 a month to do what he wants with, which is far more disposable income than I have and enough for him to save and spend on whatever he wants.

@Artygirlghost asking my son for a contribution to the household expenditure does not mean I have taken on a lodger, I am not subletting - I think you have set some unnecessary hares running here
@Discovereads if you are really worried about this suggestion I suggest you get some independent advice on this. If you are claiming benefits which includes elements for your DC then that obviously has an impact.
Rent is a commercial transaction - I really can't see that your DC chipping in to the food bill is a commercial transction which suddenly makes them a tenant. But don't take my word for that - get proper advice to put your mind at rest.

Even if I was a billionaire I would be charging my children rent. It’s preparing them on how to live in the real world, be functioning adults and not be one of these entitled young adults that are so rampant now.

It's not so much about making them pay "rent" to you to make you better off as their parent. It's 2 things:

As a functioning adult, earning money, contributing to the costs of running the household they live in and the amenities they consume (light, heat, water, food etc). It is only fair that they contribute to those costs, incurred by them, once they are earning money as you have supported them through childhood into that point of adulthood.

As a functioning adult, getting them prepared to leave the nest at some point and the realities they will face then of contributing to the full costs involved in running their own household (as a single person, in a house-share, as part of a couple or family etc).

In our extended family, we have a DC who never left home and inherited it on the death of their parents (while other DCs had moved out to different family situations) - but the DC who never left home had contributed to the family budget from the time they started earning. (As did all DCs who were earning before they left the home). The DPs were a SAHM and retired for almost 30 years respectively when they died. So additional funds beyond their pensions were needed to cover the costs of the household and the ongoing maintenance of the house. But it was a LOT cheaper than the DC getting a separate house/flat for themselves, which they appreciated often and vocally.

That's how I think a lot of families operate, I would not have trusted one of my children to save herself!

DS would not have got a job if we'd let him live with us for free.
He would have spent every penny he earned if we didn't charge him board.

Your theory only works if you have nice responsible adult children who are fully mature at 18.

Adult children who go to university learn about budgeting, how much things cost and how to manage their money. Should adult children who stay with their parents not learn these things too?

By your rationale, where is the cut off point where you're no longer prepared to continue to pay for your adult child? Or isn't there one?

But no-one is charging market rent. They are asking for a contribution to upkeep to cover costs. Someone working full time can still save a fortune paying only £300 a month. If DD's living wage PT restaurant job was FT she'd be taking home about £1,200 - £1,300 a month after tax. So she would be left with at least £900 to herself, and could save £500+ a month if she wanted to, which is loads.

I paid rent as an adult. Its a life skill. Once your an adult your parents are under no obligation to house you. Also it costs a lot to have multiple adults at home so i dont see why you wouldn't charge rent. Usually most people who charge adult children rent charge well under market value so theres still plenty to save if you are savvy with money, again another life skill.

I clearly stated in my OP that I understand why some families may have to charge their DC rent, or did you skip that part?

Op then if you clearly understand perhaps you should make your question clearer. "Why do some people charge their adult working children rent when they can afford not to"

This topic was on a thread not long ago and it's the same replies.

Those who can afford to don't,
Those who can't afford to do.
Some can afford but see it as teaching their child responsibility so do charge rent even if token amount.
Some don't think it's necessary life skill and they will learn when they need to.

However what you might call rent - others may see it as rent, laundry, food, cooking, cleaning, heating, use of car, petrol, responsibilities and the list goes on.

Each family to their own I think.

I think it is odd to allow working adults to be blissfully unaware of the fact that their accommodation and lifestyle cost money.

Surely the easiest way to reinforce that is to charge them an amount for it?

What do you if DC doesn't want to move out because of the cushy lifestyle you've given them? Will they still be living there rent free at 40?

Also, there is a point about how much disposable income a young adult gets once they are working, and how that compares with the disposable income their parent has available to them (both compared to the DC at the same age, and particularly now as an older adult).

Is it fair that a parent who is funding a household would have a very small amount of discretionary money to enjoy their life, while a young person in the same house may have a huge amount of discretionary money to spend and may also have huge expectations that the service they received as a child (warm clean comfortable house, clean clothes, hot water for showers, power for devices, hot tasty food, etc) continues at no extra cost to them?

Yes it is when they have no mortgage and he is having to buy his own food, etc.

I can't imagine he uses £370 of extra electricity and gas a month. He's at my house half the week for a start.

Once your an adult your parents are under no obligation to house you.

Why even bother having kids? My mum thought like this, it made me and my siblings feel like we were a community service order she had to do.

My PIL don’t charge anything for my BIL to live at home. He’s now 31, been there for 10 years, has a decent job and no plans to move out. MIL waits on him hand and foot and he’s treated like a teenager basically. Maybe he’s saving a lot, but he goes on a lot of holidays, has a nice car and clothes, eats out several times a week and generally has a great lifestyle.

I would want my own DC to be more independent personally, and absolutely they’d be welcome to return home while saving for a deposit or starting out in a job and I wouldn’t charge them rent for a set period if we could afford not to, but no I wouldn’t fund an additional adult living in my household for years and years not contributing even though they can afford to!

That may not happen in his own country but in this country I think the majority of parents want their children to become responsible adults, capable of managing their own affairs. I suppose it's akin to my not understanding how an adult male should be expected to subsidise his parents retirement, at the expense of his own family's lifestyle, as happens in other cultures.

I couldn't be bothered to read the whole thread but to respond to OP - each family has their own processes and standards and I don't really understand why this is hard for YOU to understand. Some need the money. Some want to teach their children responsibility. Some want to encourage their children to actually move out...

@Headabovetheparakeet we bought in 2019 on the south coast where house prices are high. It was hard for us to get on the property ladder and we saved for years. We had to stretch to our absolute maximum in the end to be able to get anything.

I'm grateful for my parents for letting us live with them as I fully understand if we had to rent a property, we wouldn't have been able to save for a deposit at all. I'm just saying charging rent to adult DD/DS who earn full time is a principle I agree with when it's small amounts. And I know the property market is even worse now than 2019, I do not envy first time buyers.

My Mum charged me rent when I lived at home. She then secretly saved it all up, and gave it to me as a lump sum to help me out when I left home.

Obviously there is a cut off point. Of course it's completely unreasonable for a 40 year old to be living at home rent free. My post is in reference to young adults, trying to save for a deposit.

@JudgeJ

Well his kids aren't doing too badly - he has a doctor, an engineer and a lecturer, none of whom he charged rent and they're all pretty good with money.

When I moved back for a bit, she lost her single person council tax allowance and
I was using a lot more power than just her. Not to mention food!

She was a young widow on a secretary's wage. It seemed fair enough to charge me.