This is going to be controversial but...

[rosesarered95]

I genuinely don't understand the concept of charging your children "rent" to live in their own home. Wouldn't you rather help them by allowing them to save as much money as possible (especially in this current economy) instead of taking money from them which may reduce the amount that they can save each month, resulting in it taking them a bit longer to move out?

I bought my own property on my own aged 25 and would have never been able to achieve this if I wasn't allowed to stay at home rent free and save as much of my salary as I could. Can I just add, I contributed to the household in other ways e.g cooking for the family weekly, cleaning etc.

I totally understand charging your children rent if you are on a lower income and genuinely need the money, but if this is not the case for you, why do you charge your children rent?

This is exactly what I plan to do for mine. Charge a certain amount in line with what they earn, save it all up for them and give it back when they have a big expense (wedding, house purchase etc.) If they decide to save up some of their own money too, even better! It's a good lesson in paying your way so it's not a shock when they do move out and suddenly have bills

Same here.

I rent my home myself (though it is SH) so of course I charge working adult DS rent. When he was jobless through covid I didn't. But now he's earning then yes he should contribute and he feels the same way. We came to an agreement we both felt fair. It's still far far less than he'd be paying at market rates (we live in London). Plus includes all utilities, internet etc. He has a great deal! And it helps me. I do work for a slightly above average wage, but not megabucks.

Him paying me rent means I can put more in my savings. IF, the time comes that he's looking at a house deposit, I can help then, but that certainly wouldn't be in London. He might not want to buy, he was living abroad pre covid and he might go back. He might decide to move elsewhere in the UK. If I drop dead tomorrow he would automatically inherit my tenancy (I don't have a partner). I know I'll get flamed for that but that's the situation. So he wouldn't be homeless.

Not everyone wants the marriage, house, kids route anyway. Or if they do, it doesn't mean they'll get it. I have a couple of single friends (all in our 50s) who went without for years to manage a mortgage alone. One of them said to me the other day "what was it all for? I don't even have anyone to leave it to". Point being, living at home doesn't need to be about "saving for a deposit". Maybe it just suits some families, in which case, why not charge rent?

We don’t, but the one at home is saving for a course and a rental deposit. As long as she’s saving we are ok financially to cover her, and she showed me her savings and things, we discuss it and advise her etc But I think people financially have to sometimes and it’s good for them to either learn to pay their way, or to take the opportunity to save so they can pay for education or housing.

I was charged rent. I was happy to pay it - got me in habit of good budgeting and didn't give false expectations of housing costs. I still saved up. Friends who weren't charged rent tended to be much more blasé with money than I was and didn't save as much. But I guess it's how it's approached.

My colleague is a single mum who hasn't had a penny from her son's dad in years. He's just turned 19 and has left full-time education so her benefits stopped this month. How is she supposed to pay her rent and skyrocketing bills? With magic beans?

I really struggle to see why it is unreasonable at 40 but not at 25 tbh?

At what point do you start charging them?

For the 1000th time, this post is not aimed at people who cannot afford to not charge rent!

This. I paid digs off my first job age 15, a third of my earnings. A house doesn't run for free. I remember feeling loaded when I had my first proper job c£1K take home in the nineties :). I bought a bus pass £30 gave my mum £300 and the rest I pissed up against the wall. Clothes, booze, going out; lots of fun was had. It would of been unreasonable to expect my Mum to clothe/ feed me and let me live there for free to the detriment of my younger sibling and herself.

What if she ignored your request, spent every last penny she earnt on clothes to go clubbing in that she wore once, and started begging you for money on a weekly basis?

What an odd take.

We charged child living at home rent because they had a good job and were well able to pay their own way. Really don’t understand why any parent should feel obliged to subsidise an adult who is earning well. As PP have said - at what age does that stop? 30? 40? As it happened we charged well below market rate but we still charged.

What we did with that money was then up to us.

After child moved out we chose to share it between both children. So both got the same contribution to their living costs. One was not subsidising the other.

My husbands parents didn’t charge him rent and despite earning very well at the time, he was in debt! It taught him absolutely zero about responsibility and he drank and clubbed most of his salary away.

as a parent it’s our job to teach our children how to survive - not all children will save for example.

i intend to charge rent for responsibility’s sake, and hope to be able to give it all back as a lump sum when they move out but it really does depend on our circumstances at the time (and theirs).

for example if I am working full time as well, and they can’t be bothered to cook a meal, leave mess everywhere or put a washload on (strongly suspect my youngest will be in this camp) then I am not sure why as a friend adult they should live with us for free and not contribute in other ways too.

OP you're coming across as very naive here. What exactly is the cut off between people who cannot afford to not charge rent and those who can? Who decides that?

And for the 1000th time, it still reads as pretty shitty towards those that do. Heck, I moved out at 18 and have paid for my own housing ever since. I now pay for my mother's as well so it's not even like I have the same circumstances as those asking for controbutions from their childen and even I can see this thread is a bit 'obviously if you're too poor to do what's best for your children...'

Surely, the answer to this is: everyone does what they thinks is right for their family, based on their own specific circumstances and beliefs?

DD and I earn about the same as each other. I pay the council tax, gas and electricity, water, home insurance, all car expenses as she doesn't drive etc etc etc. She pays me £250 per month and it barely makes a dent in what she costs me! We also do a big shop once per fortnight and take it in turns to pay for that.

She already has a lot more disposable income than me, if she paid me nothing she'd be living the life of riley and I would starve!

What is it about mn that makes so many people unable to comprehend that different people live their lives differently and that's ok...

My DC came home for a year because of Covid. We did not charge them and as they were earning well remotely they were able to save enough to buy a flat outright with some help from us. With the current mortgage issues I am hugely relieved that we were able to help them in this way, though I very much understand that not all families are able to offer such help.

"I think it is odd to allow working adults to be blissfully unaware of the fact that their accommodation and lifestyle cost money".

I think it's odd that you think the only way to make our offspring aware of things like bills, rent, utilities etc is to physically take money off them, especially when the sums involved are not remotely close to the costs associated with living independently. Fortunately, there are various ways to impart knowledge without simulations or demonstrations. Just as well or there would be some really worrying threads on teaching our children about adult relationships and safe sex.

I paid a quarter to my mum once I had an income. When my, at that time future DH, and I started saving to buy she said to save it instead, which I did.

I never thought it was unreasonable to contribute to household expenses.

I paid my parents £80 per month when I had my first job in 1980. It wasn't called rent, it was understood to be a contribution to the household expenses. I saved up a lot of my remaining money towards a deposit on a house which I bought in 1982 aged 22.
Once my 2 children were earning a regular wage they paid me £40 per week towards the household expenses. That included all food and bills. Again not rent as such. This was between 2012 and 2019. Both of them saved up; and were able to because their income was sufficient to do so after giving me their contribution. They bought their own homes in 2017 and 2019. I have been a widow on a single wage since my children were aged 11 and 18. I could not have managed without their contributions to the household costs.

I genuinely don't understand the concept of charging your children "rent" to live in their own home

We charged DS 20% of everything while he lived at home, including UC when he wasn’t working. It got him into the habit of not having all his cash left for life and fripperies.

He still saved into a Help to Buy ISA which we match funded until he bought his own place this year age 25. The ‘rent’ (about £6k in the end) was kept by us and is going to be used to increase his workplace pension contributions until the money runs out.

But you do you.

@rosesarered95

i would charge rent If they were earning

why on earth not?!

in fact though I wouldn’t be encouraging them to stay at home I would be encouraging them to live in a houseshare or with mates. So that they get that experience rather than just living with mummy and daddy for years before saving enough to buy their own place.

what are your views on house sharing and that kind of thing op?

Depends on your circumstances. What can you afford, what is needed to keep the household going and I know of those that have no option but to have help / a contribution to household costs, those that take 'rent' but actually put it aside to help their child later but teach them that nothing is free, those that would struggle to survive unless multiple incomes contribute to the pot, including asking their adult children to work part-time whilst studying. I was never asked to pay rent, but choose to pay, as I believed in contributing and it helped me managed my money going forward. I now work supporting families in social housing and they need all the money they can get to keep afloat and particularly at this moment in time, when earnings no longer get anyway near outgoings!

We're not there yet, kids are younger, but we've talked about letting them move into our flat, which is rented out currently, and letting them share that and rent it from us at a heavily discounted rate. So they get the benefit of living in their own place without the pressure of having to spend every penny they earn on it. We'll see when we get there I suppose, they may not want to. If they carry on living at home we won't charge rent.

I'd charge rent based on principle once a child was no longer a student and working full time- it's about learning about responsibility and money-management.

It's a bit strange to try to balance out circumstances between siblings that have made different life choices and make one pay to alleviate financial burden on their sibling.

@NeedAHoliday2021

My son has done his own washing since he was about 15 or 16. I wanted him to know how to use the washing machine, take responsibility for changing his bedding, ensuring that if he wants a particular item clean he need to sort it out, and as part of him understanding that women are not there to wait on him hand and foot.
Of course our stuff gets mixed together now and again, but he usually has a full load of darks etc each week, as do I, so it fine for him to do his own.