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Original poster

This is going to be controversial but...

543 replies

rosesarered95 · 27/10/2022 10:12

I genuinely don't understand the concept of charging your children "rent" to live in their own home. Wouldn't you rather help them by allowing them to save as much money as possible (especially in this current economy) instead of taking money from them which may reduce the amount that they can save each month, resulting in it taking them a bit longer to move out?

I bought my own property on my own aged 25 and would have never been able to achieve this if I wasn't allowed to stay at home rent free and save as much of my salary as I could. Can I just add, I contributed to the household in other ways e.g cooking for the family weekly, cleaning etc.

I totally understand charging your children rent if you are on a lower income and genuinely need the money, but if this is not the case for you, why do you charge your children rent?

OP posts:
Discovereads · 27/10/2022 12:01

Headabovetheparakeet · 27/10/2022 11:55

@Randlehandle

My point is that a lot of posters are quick to call op ignorant of the needs and experiences of people on low incomes but not all people on low incomes charge their kids for living at home so it's not that clear cut.

I agree. We are on a low household income and would not charge rent (I’m disabled and cannot work, and DH can only work PT as he is my carer). So we have one PT wage coming in plus benefits and some disability insurance.

MavisChunch29 · 27/10/2022 12:02

IMHO there is no right or wrong.

I disagree. I think it's a fundamental failure of parenting not to encourage your offspring to be as independent as they are physically capable of being, and by not charging a full time adult worker living with you any money towards their upkeep you are potentially facilitating their dependence on you for the rest of their lives.

Selttan · 27/10/2022 12:02

My parents charged me board - even though they had no mortgage it still cost them for me to live there - utilities, food etc.

It was a hell of a lot less than renting somewhere.

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HarrietSchulenberg · 27/10/2022 12:02

No, it's not shit parenting. It's helping your adult offspring to become fiscally responsible, a bit like giving chores to younger children in return for pocket money or some kind of reward. The "rent" you set doesn't need to be market rate, but more of a contribution towards the household expenses.
If you can afford it you could always save it up and give it back when they get a place of their own.

ThreeRingCircus · 27/10/2022 12:05

EatenDorky · 27/10/2022 11:47

My mum charged me a nominal amount (eg £100 pcm 15 years ago) and then gave it all (or some, I don’t remember) back to me when I moved out. I would do the same I think.

So would I. Once earning and living at home I'd charge them a nominal amount for rent/bills/food and then save it for them without their knowledge and put it towards a deposit for them when they moved out.

My view is clouded though by the fact I moved out at 18 and found very quickly that I needed to learn how to budget and pay bills. My DB lived at home rent free, apparently saving up for a deposit and then it turned out when my parents asked SEVEN years later how his savings were coming along he hadn't been saving at all and had just spent everything.

NKFell · 27/10/2022 12:05

@rosesarered95 You should've began with "I totally understand charging your children rent if you are on a lower income and genuinely need the money, but if this is not the case for you, why do you charge your children rent?"

I agree with you unless you're on a lower income and are unable to support an adult.

I think the value of money can be taught in a different way. My eldest is only 13 but he still gets taught how to manage money.

Nottogetapenny · 27/10/2022 12:06

Also my parents didn’t charge my sister and I rent, so it never crossed my mind to charge my children.

Crikeyalmighty · 27/10/2022 12:07

I charged my son rent at a modest cost for 18 months and then paid his deposit and first months rent when he moved out to houseshare - the idea they will all save it all towards flat/house deposits is not always the case- better I think they get a dose of realism quite early on

Thurst · 27/10/2022 12:07

You sound like you were a mature young person who didn’t need a lesson in responsibility. When you see some of these 30 year olds that have never saved a penny and spend all their time on their x-box then I makes me think that maybe someone should have forced them to live in the real world.

ineedakickupthe · 27/10/2022 12:07

My 19 year old nephew has very little left to show for working full time all year and having no rent or utilities to pay. His parents have virtually no disposable income. I would have put a proportion of my wages away from the start. You might say he's young and had a year of fun and will get serious. Maybe he will, maybe he won't.

My parents would never have dreamed of charging me rent. I did as you did and cleaned, shopped, cooked etc and would have done even if I had paid rent because that's adulting. My sister was not like that and others aren't like that. I think families where they have the choice need to do what they think is best. It's rarely even the equivalent of renting a room privately.

I'd like to say without a doubt I wouldn't do it but my kids are on the young side and I don't know what my situation will be or what they will be like. I hope when they are older I don't need to do it but I might do it if it seems like they would fritter it away.

Also, if I'd stayed home 18-25 and put away 90% of my income for a deposit (basing that on what I earned fully time after uni) I would still not have been able to get a mortgage on a flat anywhere near where I grew up.

RuthW · 27/10/2022 12:08

I agree with two exceptions.

You need the money to feed them/ extra council tax

They are taking advantage and doing nothing to help out.

Nottogetapenny · 27/10/2022 12:08

“My children don’t live with us, but our house is still and always will be their home”

NKFell · 27/10/2022 12:10

EatenDorky · 27/10/2022 11:47

My mum charged me a nominal amount (eg £100 pcm 15 years ago) and then gave it all (or some, I don’t remember) back to me when I moved out. I would do the same I think.

I love this. I'm going to do this and not tell my DC.

Headabovetheparakeet · 27/10/2022 12:10

Randlehandle · 27/10/2022 11:57

Again, you are basing your view on culture. The fact that your father is not rich, is irrelevant.

You seem determined to not understand so I'm not going to bother trying to explain it again.

healthadvice123 · 27/10/2022 12:11

At what age is ok then , what about if still live at home at 30 ? What if they don't save so your just basically keeping them why they waste money
What if your income is low
Some people take it and save
So many variables and its whats right for that family and not for others to judge
I will charge mine rent when he comes back from uni and hopefully if alble save it for him but who knows then what our finances will be
He had a gap year and worked and we never charged then as he was saving for uni and properly saving so that made sense
But people do it for many reasons each individual to their own circumstances

Headabovetheparakeet · 27/10/2022 12:12

How dare parents want the money to buy shopping, pay towards the mortgage etc.

Why on earth should your kids be paying for your mortgage? What a piss take.

QuebecBagnet · 27/10/2022 12:12

I agree. Obviously if the money is needed as parents are struggling then fair enough.

So dd's bf has just got his first job, he's desperate to save and buy a house. His parents are loaded - own 3 houses, go on cruises, etc.

He has to buy all his own food and stuff like toothpaste (had to do this even when he was a student). Now he's earning they're charging £370 a month rent and he's not allowed to sue the dishwasher for his stuff unless he pays extra.

They don't need the money, they're not even just covering extra electricity - they're properly making a profit on him.

Mulhollandmagoo · 27/10/2022 12:12

So... my parents charged me rent - relevant to what I was earning at the time.
It taught me that in the real world you have bills to pay, the money you're earning isn't just for fun!

Same here, when I moved out, budgeting and paying bills didn't come as a huge shock to me, I'm quite grateful that they did it to be honest

Original poster
rosesarered95 · 27/10/2022 12:12

I think a lot of people are missing the point of this post. It is not aimed at those who are unable to afford not to charge rent. It's aimed at those who don't necessarily need the money and are financially comfortable.

I didn't pay rent at home and have had my own property for over a year now. It certainly wasn't a "shock" for me that I had to pay bills. Everybody knows you have to pay bills!

I also disagree with the notion that if you don't pay rent at home, you won't have good money/budgeting skills. The money that I would have given my parents in rent was being put away in a savings account that I couldn't touch so I still learnt budgeting skills, as a big proportion of my salary was going into my savings account, while also paying for my car, car insurance, phone etc.

OP posts:
Meadowbreeze · 27/10/2022 12:13

The rules around spare rooms mean that the most disadvantaged in society are often the ones paying rent as soon as they finish school as their parents just can't afford the rent without a housing benefit top up.
I don't think many people who don't have to, charge rent. There are a lot of kids who have lifestyle expectations and wouldn't necessarily save the money that they aren't paying. A lot of parents 'charge' rent but actually save that money and gift it to their kids when they move out. I think that's a good way of gently introducing bills and responsibilities.
I don't agree with charging rent just for the sake of it though, especially if you don't need the money.

healthadvice123 · 27/10/2022 12:13

Also everyone I know calls it keep as opposed to rent or just a contribution to household expenses

NeedAHoliday2021 · 27/10/2022 12:13

My brother and I paid 10% of our monthly takehome towards our keep post education (after uni). I paid for 2 years before moving out and my parents have paid way more than that to me in covering most of my wedding, giving us £10k recently when dm received an inheritance (I’m 40) and other smaller amounts over the years. It was about getting used to managing finances rather than my parents fleecing me. Your post doesn’t come across well. If you can’t understand other people parent differently to you then there’s not much anyone can say as you come across as superior in your parenting approach.

Nosleepforthismum · 27/10/2022 12:13

I think it teaches them responsibility with their money and the realities of how much it costs to live. There is a danger, of course, that charging them a high rent will mean they struggle to save a deposit and live at home for longer than anticipated. Equally, if you charge them nothing, then your home and the facilities you provide for free may be taken for granted (or enjoyed so much they never want to leave 😅).

I think there is a balance that depends on each individual situation. If you have a hard working kid that’s desperate to get their own property and you’re sure they are saving properly then charging rent is probably a bit mean. However if you have a mainly useless teenager who has a job but eats you out of house and home, spends hundreds of pounds on designer trainers, nights out and four holidays a year with their mates then you’ll probably get pissed off pretty quick and start to charge rent.

MavisChunch29 · 27/10/2022 12:14

£370 a month is not making a profit on someone, though I wouldn't make them buy their own food on top.

NeedAHoliday2021 · 27/10/2022 12:15

Mind you I don’t get parents who make their dc do their own washing. Don’t you just shove in all the darks etc and put the machine on. Separate washes is odd to me.