This is going to be controversial but...

[rosesarered95]

I genuinely don't understand the concept of charging your children "rent" to live in their own home. Wouldn't you rather help them by allowing them to save as much money as possible (especially in this current economy) instead of taking money from them which may reduce the amount that they can save each month, resulting in it taking them a bit longer to move out?

I bought my own property on my own aged 25 and would have never been able to achieve this if I wasn't allowed to stay at home rent free and save as much of my salary as I could. Can I just add, I contributed to the household in other ways e.g cooking for the family weekly, cleaning etc.

I totally understand charging your children rent if you are on a lower income and genuinely need the money, but if this is not the case for you, why do you charge your children rent?

Rich mumsnetters living in fucking cuckoo land or just zero common sense.

Child benefit stops.
CSA payments stop if applicable.

If is hardly controversial that different families do things differently.

My parents took dig money from me even when I was a student (when we had bursaries). The alternative would have been I had more disposable income than the other adults in the house. I had no issue with and preferred paying my own way even if it was only in reality a token.

Still saved some (pissed away a lot!) and got my first flat once I was working.

ds(18) is at Uni, this year he is working PT instead of getting a maintenance loan and I am happy to support him through his education, but as soon as he starts earning FT he will be paying his way.

So did I, but that was 20 odd years ago. Within a year our house almost doubled in value. For most younger people to stand a chance of buying at a reasonable age, they need to be living cheaply with parents and saving.

It’s ok to charge them if you need it. Taking their money that you don’t need so you can have a holiday is disgusting. They are starting out in the world and could use that to save for a house deposit.

That's good for you but this wouldn't be possible for most people.

I was charged 1/4 of my wage - although that covered all food (mum cooked family meals still) and my laundry etc.

I moved out at 25. Brothers were similar age.

Could my parents have managed without it? Probably, although would have had to make cutbacks. However: I was a grown up with a full time wage so it's only right I contributed.

I'll do the same with my kids. Once they're earning full time wages, if they are still at home, I will be asking for 1/4 of their wage.

Only if you have lots of rules and restrictions maybe. My son is enjoying life at home. He’s got friends staying this week, other than a couple of meals, we haven’t seen much of them as they’re doing their own thing. He comes and goes as he pleases, has people over and to stay when he wants, it’s his home, he’s an adult. And it’s cheaper than a house share.

I don't think the majority of parents do charge their adult children rent. Those who do rarely charge the full market rent. This link is quite old (and predates the pandemic when more children moved back in with their parents) but I think the OP is over estimating the number of adult children whose parents choose to ask them to pay rent:

www.lovemoney.com/news/79071/should-you-charge-your-kids-rent-and-if-so-how-much

It's great that the OP was good at budgeting and saved what she would have spent on rent. Other people find it really hard when they do move out from their parents' house because they are used to having a higher disposable income for clothes, entertainment, holidays etc. when they didn't have to think about rent and other bills.

I think there are many more reasons why so many young people can't afford to move out and buy their own home than being charged rent by their parents. These include the price of houses and the number of young people in jobs paying not much more than the National Living Wage.

OP has said this isn’t directed at parents who need to charge as they’re on lower incomes or genuinely need the money to cover the bills.

My daughter paid a nominal amount to cover food and bills once she was working. She also paid a 'rent' which went into her save to buy account. We had put awsy £20 a month for her since she was born and she used to save half and spend half of her Christmas and birthday money. She was able to put down a decent deposit when she purchased her first home.

The working adults (my dc) who still live at home contribute financially towards the household. Because they live here and use things in it, such as internet, electric, water, food etc. Its not about 'rent' its about making a contribution as an earning adult to the things you use and not having someone else fund you. My DC still have much more disposable income than me a month and are still able to save because they are not paying extortionate private rent on top of regular bills.

I don't see why they shouldn't contribute. I am trying to raise decent young adults who do not think it ok to sponge off anyone for things they use, including their parent. And in fact both of mine (both under 20) actually offered the contribution before I had brought it up with them, so I think I have done a pretty good job of achieving that. Mine are looking at ways to move out in the course of the next few years and be fully independent, which in todays climate is pretty expensive, but they do not want to live with their mother well into adulthood

I do have friends who do not charge their dc rent, and the majority of those do not have as much saved as mine do, and appear in no rush to live independantly.
I don't know if it has anything to do with the fact that most who don't charge 'rent' also do pretty much everything for their dc and they don't help out much apparently (which my friends moan about).

It does depend heavily on everyones individual circumstances and also depends on the DC and whether they want to save/move out. But it does seem that those dc not encouraged to contribute in any way, do tend to stay at home much longer.

I also know of 5 different men in their 30's and one in his 40's who still live at home and do not pay anything, even though they are on good salarys. Not surprisingly, they all have parents who do all their cooking/washing/cleaning still.

I think there needs to be a balance. OP mentioned her parents were financially well off and she was encouraged to put away a sum each month where she couldn't touch it and was fortunate in that respect that she was able to save by her parents allowing her to live rent free. I'm sure we'd all love to be able to help our dc like that. But she has the right attitude in the first place. OP was independent thinking and did things at home to help out. And actively wanted to move out and independant. There are definitely some (alot?) of young adults who are not like this, and if they are not, then perhaps charging them a contribute to their living may steer those ones in the direction a bit more that life is not full of handouts and helps those ones to grow up a bit.

I do not know when mine will move out, or when they can afford it, but I do know they are thankfully not of the mindset that their life is free and cushy at home that they want to stay forever!

OK rethink it a bit, in my case my costs have gone up about £300 a month due to my dd coming home including increase in council tax, food, energy etc. So you expect me to cover that increase rather than my dd covering her costs, over a year that is the cost of a holiday so should I give up my holiday to subsidise a working adult who is earning far more than an average salary?

I don't call it rent. Food bill for ds and his share of the electricity bill. He is often on the ps4 despite working plus electric shower washing etc. I wd never charge him rent as I have no mortgage or rent.

Nice that some parents can afford to keep it and then give it back! I was so jealous of friends who were from more well off families.

I had to pay my DM rent and also buy food, bus fares to my part-time work and friends (I got free travel to college as low income, but zones didn't cover my job or meetings friends), clothes etc. The £30 weekly EMA from the government was a huge help. Such a shame for teens from poorer families that it doesn't exist now!

I always paid rent or 'keep' as my mum called it and never resented it. When I got a pay rise so did my mum!

Are folk actually incapable of reading properly? The OP has already stated that she is talking about those who can afford to subsidise their children and that she understands if someone charges rent if they are struggling themselves. Yet lo and behold, people up in arms that they can't afford to let their children live with them rent free and how dare the OP say such a thing.

I was charged rent and won't be charging DC.
It's reasonable to say they have to contribute towards food or something token towards bills in my opinion, but in my experience the parents who take money from their children claiming it 'teaches the value of money' tend to have questionable approaches to their own money and spending.

@Ugzbugz
“Rich mumsnetters living in fucking cuckoo land or just zero common sense.
Child benefit stops. CSA payments stop if applicable.”

I dunno, I’m on a low income of disability benefits plus 1 PT wage coming in for both my carer DH and I.

I think it’s lack of common sense to not plan ahead for when a DC turns 18 and leaves education and CB and if applicable CSA stops? You have 18yrs advance warning after all. So you need to plan ahead and I think it’s cloud cuckoo land to go “meh no worries I’ll just take money off my DC” instead of consciously adjusting your outgoings to be that much below income such that the end of CB and CSA if applicable can be absorbed.

It’s hardly a shock.

I bought my flat at 23. Different days. It means fuck all now. Young people have it a million times harder than we did.

Most people aren't charging their child "rent" it is "keep".

A contribution to bills, expenses, council tax etc. If you can afford not to take anything and your child is saving hard great but it doesn't do any harm for them to start paying toward their keep, especially if it isn't too onerous amount.

Regardless of whether I need the money, I’ll expect my adult DC to contribute towards the running of the house when the time comes. They will be adults, responsible for their own lives which includes financial responsibility. The house costs money to run which of course rests with me while they are children but part of the transition to an adult-adult relationship is meeting their own living costs as far as possible.

And no, I won’t be saving it in an account for them, it’ll go on their (reasonable) proportion of the household costs. It’s part of being an adult to pay your way and having experience of this while you have a safety net of parent support is no bad thing.

I feel like some on this thread don't understand that having adults living at home costs money! Is that really so hard to grasp?

I'm on gas/electric prepay meters (here when I moved in and I prefer them). DD has gone off to Uni and my electric use has dropped by a third! I myself was a bit surprised at the difference. I would get the single persons CT discount, but with DS working I can't. That adds £500 per year to my CT. Thames water have been bugging me to arrange a meter fitting. Another thing that will be cost per use.

Could I "afford" these things alone? Yes, and I did when I had 2DC at home not working. That's not the situation any more. Luckily I have a DS keen to pay his way. If he hadn't been he would have been told he was welcome to try and find somewhere cheaper!

I bet your food costs drop somewhat when you only have yourself to feed too @Fuwari

Plus if it was just you and things got really tight, you'd be able to move to a 1 bed flat, with cheaper mortgage/rent, lower council tax and cheaper utilities. But if you're maintaining a family sized home, with family sized bills, then it's only fair that costs are shared amongst all the working adults in the household.

Your low income must have been higher than my mums full time wages then? She had a low salary and both siblings always contributed and were happy to. And life happens, I've just had to spend 500 on a tooth repair. Plus need more. My car died. Boiler died etc.

Some people have ZERO spare money ever.

I earn okay now but it's not guaranteed for life job.

@FlixingTheNet

i think early to mid twenties is good for a house share

when you say they can have fun living at home they can have a lot more fun living with their pals obviously!