Page 14 | This is going to be controversial but...

autumn1610 · 27/10/2022 14:26

I got charged rent and they took a bit to cover bills and then saved the rest and gave it back to me when I needed it

LuckySantangelo35 · 27/10/2022 14:27

rosesarered95 · 27/10/2022 14:18

@LuckySantangelo35 the purpose of having your kids pay you rent is not so you and your husband can afford to have a nice holiday! How will you pay for holidays when they move out?!

@rosesarered95

it won’t be an issue when they move out cos our electric will go down, food bills will do down, water, gas, etc
we can use that money to pay for a holiday

antelopevalley · 27/10/2022 14:27

And some young adults living at home are earning more than their parent.

Original poster

rosesarered95 · 27/10/2022 14:28

@Fuwari So I can never go on holiday while my DS pays me rent?? Reading your OP I thought you were naive, now I think you're just ignorant.

Not sure how you came to this conclusion I was just saying I don't think your child's rent money should be used to fund a holiday.

OP posts:

LuckySantangelo35 · 27/10/2022 14:29

Perfectpeace · 27/10/2022 14:14

Using your children’s earnings to book yourself a holiday is despicable. You are shameless

Show quote history

@Perfectpeace

what if having them live with me means that my bills go up to the extent I can no longer afford a holiday?

should I just go without?

a previous poster mentions that her dd who lives with her has gone abroad and doesn’t pay her mum rent but she hasn’t been abroad for ten years. in that situation I would have happily paid some money to my mum for my keep

HelloDaisy · 27/10/2022 14:30

I charge ds rent as feel it helps him to learn more about budgeting rather than having a lot of disposable income that he will fritter away. However, I am saving it for him and will give it back to him further down the line or when he’s ready to move out.

I'm sure there are pros and cons for this but it works for us..

annonymousse · 27/10/2022 14:30

I believe as a parent it's your job to raise your children to become confident and independent. In the real world they will have bills and rent to pay. If they are cushioned at home it's going to come as a huge shock when they set up on their own or move in with a partner.

Fuwari · 27/10/2022 14:32

It's not though, that's the point. The rent money is used for a portion of the rent of the house (I don't own), gas, electric, internet, sundries like loo roll, washing powder. We each buy our own food, cook for ourselves. Presently DS pays approx a third of the above combined expenses while I pay two thirds. He's saving to go on holiday next year, why shouldn't I?

Comefromaway · 27/10/2022 14:33

As parents you also have to look you your own future in other ways. About 5 years ago dh was taken ill and was off work for over 6 months. We thought he might never work again and had to go private to get a diagnosis/treatment that enabled him to get back to work.

So I always want a cushion for us now as you never know what will happen in the future.

Chippy1234 · 27/10/2022 14:33

Working part time during school or university is different but my youngest son is always expected to take a summer job. They really dont do any work during this time and I he shouldnt be hanging around the house and getting up at midday (like some of his friends!)

Of course it gives you a useful life skill if you are working full time and still living at home. Why wouldnt it?

PhillySub · 27/10/2022 14:35

The way that you are looking at it doesn't allow for the child having no money sense and the parent charging rent which is put aside for the child later in life?

Perfectpeace · 27/10/2022 14:37

LuckySantangelo35 · 27/10/2022 14:29

@Perfectpeace

what if having them live with me means that my bills go up to the extent I can no longer afford a holiday?

should I just go without?

a previous poster mentions that her dd who lives with her has gone abroad and doesn’t pay her mum rent but she hasn’t been abroad for ten years. in that situation I would have happily paid some money to my mum for my keep

Show quote history

No, the previous poster didn’t. She clearly stated her daughter lives in London, away from home. And you stated you don’t need your child’s money but take it anyway to book a holiday. That’s despicable. As has been repeatedly said in this thread, the question was why do people who don’t need the money charge their children rent. You do it because you want a holiday. As I said, shameless. There is however, no problem at all taking money if it is needed to pay towards bills.

So yes, like everyone else who can’t afford a holiday, you go without. You don’t get your children to pay for them

reesewithoutaspoon · 27/10/2022 14:37

Why shouldn't you ask an adult who is earning to contribute to the costs they are adding to. When my kids moved out my energy bills dropped by a third, my food bills dropped by 2/3rds and my water went from 42 to 19 a month. I was miles better financially once they left home.
Why should I have those additional expenses, meanwhile they get to keep all of their wage as disposable income. even on NMW that would be around £1200 a month.

Mosik · 27/10/2022 14:38

rosesarered95 · 27/10/2022 13:34

I think the happy medium here is charging rent but saving it to give as a lump sum later on (IF you can afford to, of course).

I think this is a mistake. They are adults, you should teach them financial management, how to invest, not do it for them.
I'm with you though on not charging if you can afford it. Both of mine came home for a while after uni and I didn't charge them a penny. One bought a house at 24 and the other is in the process.
Obviously if living at home was more than a year or two while saving up I would reconsider.

It's true that it might be uneven if one stays at home longer than another but you can even things out in other ways. We paid for some work done at ChildA's house while child B lived at home for longer.

As for holidays I paid for my DC (and girl /boyfriends) to come on nice holidays with us until they were in early 20s. They still come away with us at least once a year and we pay for everything.
They have always been very appreciative of our help.

LuckySantangelo35 · 27/10/2022 14:42

Perfectpeace · 27/10/2022 14:37

No, the previous poster didn’t. She clearly stated her daughter lives in London, away from home. And you stated you don’t need your child’s money but take it anyway to book a holiday. That’s despicable. As has been repeatedly said in this thread, the question was why do people who don’t need the money charge their children rent. You do it because you want a holiday. As I said, shameless. There is however, no problem at all taking money if it is needed to pay towards bills.

So yes, like everyone else who can’t afford a holiday, you go without. You don’t get your children to pay for them

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@Perfectpeace

why does it matter what I spend the money on

is it only ok to charge your working adult offspring if you’re going to spend it on “worthy things”?

Kateandherbush · 27/10/2022 14:42

Honestly..

You genuinely don’t understand…

You sound incredibly privileged and ignorant.

chocolateoranges33 · 27/10/2022 14:46

Ive got one due to finish education in the summer and I will be charging rent.

We don't need the money, but we need him to understand that he will have to pay towards bills now he is an adult, and that you need to focus on getting the best job you can manage as it will impact what sort of life you have as you grow older.

He's not trying particularly hard at college, isn't fussed if he passes his a levels or not, doesn't want to go to uni or think about what job to do when he finishes. He's quite happy with his lot in life as he works part time, earns enough to spend it on what he likes but has no motivation to do anything more.

He knows that he is expected to pay 'keep' as soon as he finishes education, regardless of whether he is working full time or not and this will motivate him to get out there and get the best job he can, earn as much as he can and do as well as he can as otherwise he probably wouldn't bother as he has a lovely life at home.

Its all well and good other parents not wanting to do this, but that wont work for us as he would be genuinely not be fussed about his future and wouldn't be saving to move out

Paying rent is the main motivator for him doing the best he can, getting a good job and striving for more than we've got now. The more he earns, the more he will have for himself as we will charge the same amount regardless of his salary and the nicer stuff he can have. Win all round.

GreenShadow · 27/10/2022 14:47

We don't charge 'Rent' as such, just a minimum amount to cover costs we won't have had if he hadn't moved back home - basically food and bit of heating.

TheHouseonHauntedHill · 27/10/2022 14:48

I think we would also ask for an amount depending on our circumstances and theirs at the time.

If we were really cushioned financially I think I would ask for a token amount, and give it back to them when they move out..

If we needed it then we could come to an agreement that suits both parties eg , enough to help but not so much that they cant save.

hamstersarse · 27/10/2022 14:50

Used to call it 'keep' back in the day

Of course working adults should contribute to their living costs. It is insane to think they shouldn't and be brought up to think bills are optional.

FlixingTheNet · 27/10/2022 14:50

LuckySantangelo35 · 27/10/2022 14:10

@rosesarered95

this!

plus they can be independent by moving into a house share

I don’t get all this staying at your parents house until you can buy your own place

why Can’t they rough it a bit in a houseshare?!

Show quote history

How old are your kids? And how old will they be when you think they should move into a house share? If your kids are young, you may change your thinking.

Even in a house share here, they wouldn’t be able to save that quickly here the way prices are. I want my kids to have a few years of an easier life, living cheaply at home if they want to, to have some fun and be able to save before all the stresses of like hit them.

2bazookas · 27/10/2022 14:51

@rosesarered95
I bought my own property on my own aged 25 and would have never been able to achieve this if I wasn't allowed to stay at home rent free and save as much of my salary as I could.

As soon as I left highschool I left home, without a penny of parental support because continued dependence on her never occurred to either my mother, or me. I was brought up with a strong work ethic. I bought my first property at 23 with a 25 % deposit earned by me.

TambourineOfRepentance · 27/10/2022 14:52

I paid rent at home from when I left 6th form and started working full time (August born, so from just before I turned 18).
I was a very sensible teenager who was unlikely to waste it all and was already pretty clued up about how much food and bills were, so I don't think my mum could really claim it was necessary for me to learn to budget. It was just fair. We were now both working full time and Child Benefit had stopped.

It was less than I would have been paying had I moved out, even if I was just renting a room in a house.

My mum spent 18 years raising me on her own and was pretty brilliant throughout. She didn't go on holiday with what I gave her (utterly petrified if flying) but I hope she managed to have some fun with it.

Popgoestheweaselagain · 27/10/2022 14:56

Normally 'rent' is really an agreed sum to cover costs of water, heating and food bills to house an extra person. Got to get used to paying that some time.

2bazookas · 27/10/2022 14:57

@FlixingTheNet

Even in a house share here, they wouldn’t be able to save that quickly here the way prices are. I want my kids to have a few years of an easier life, living cheaply at home if they want to, to have some fun

Trust me, kids have far more fun living with their housemates, away from home/parents.

This is going to be controversial but...

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