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Original poster

This is going to be controversial but...

543 replies

rosesarered95 · 27/10/2022 10:12

I genuinely don't understand the concept of charging your children "rent" to live in their own home. Wouldn't you rather help them by allowing them to save as much money as possible (especially in this current economy) instead of taking money from them which may reduce the amount that they can save each month, resulting in it taking them a bit longer to move out?

I bought my own property on my own aged 25 and would have never been able to achieve this if I wasn't allowed to stay at home rent free and save as much of my salary as I could. Can I just add, I contributed to the household in other ways e.g cooking for the family weekly, cleaning etc.

I totally understand charging your children rent if you are on a lower income and genuinely need the money, but if this is not the case for you, why do you charge your children rent?

OP posts:
Citycentre3 · 27/10/2022 14:05

Comefromaway · 27/10/2022 13:34

The irony is if they did not choose to charge rent then their children would probably be more independent far quicker.

Out of the people I know the ones who did not charge their kids rent had them living at home for far, far longer than the ones who did.

If you explain to your children that your not going to charge rent, but expect them not to waste their money, then that would be a happy medium I think. That way you are creating the opportunity for them to advance themselves.

Comefromaway · 27/10/2022 14:05

rosesarered95 · 27/10/2022 14:01

@LuckySantangelo35 you would take money from your kids to go on a 'nice holiday'? If you're charging rent, shouldn't it be going towards household bills or a savings account, rather than frittering it away on holidays?

I would. Why not.

My daughter just spent a lovely week away in Holland visiting Rotterdam and the Hague etc. I haven't been abroad for almost 10 years.

Original poster
rosesarered95 · 27/10/2022 14:06

Completely disagree that you won't learn budgeting skills if you don't pay rent at home! Assuming parents are not paying for absolutely everything, young adults living at home will still have to budget for things like clothes, travel, car payments, petrol, phone etc plus any money regularly going into savings accounts!

OP posts:

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Original poster
rosesarered95 · 27/10/2022 14:08

@Comefromaway well it's not really your daughters problem that you haven't been abroad for 10 years nor should she have to pay for it. Odd post

OP posts:
LuckySantangelo35 · 27/10/2022 14:08

rosesarered95 · 27/10/2022 14:01

@LuckySantangelo35 you would take money from your kids to go on a 'nice holiday'? If you're charging rent, shouldn't it be going towards household bills or a savings account, rather than frittering it away on holidays?

@rosesarered95

i sure would!

cost of living is increasing etc and if I didn’t take rent I might not be able to afford a holiday

I don’t see spending money on holidays as “frittering”

i see holidays as very important for my mental health, me and my husband work v hard and appreciate the opportunity to get aware and recharge. It’s not gonna leave my kids destitute to charge them rent so why not?!

what do you think is the issue with that?

antelopevalley · 27/10/2022 14:08

You are assuming all parents are well off. I know people who have to get a lodger in when their adult child leaves home so they can pay the bills.

Citycentre3 · 27/10/2022 14:09

Lol @Fireballxl5 are you running a church? They usually charge their parishioners 20% of their earnings.

LuckySantangelo35 · 27/10/2022 14:10

bloodyeverlastinghell · 27/10/2022 13:36

Surely your expenses are less when the dc move out though. Food, energy, might get a ct discount. You could also downsize to a cheaper/ smaller place if necessary.

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@rosesarered95

this!

plus they can be independent by moving into a house share

I don’t get all this staying at your parents house until you can buy your own place

why Can’t they rough it a bit in a houseshare?!

Perfectpeace · 27/10/2022 14:12

alongtimeagoandfaraway · 27/10/2022 12:33

What an odd take.

We charged child living at home rent because they had a good job and were well able to pay their own way. Really don’t understand why any parent should feel obliged to subsidise an adult who is earning well. As PP have said - at what age does that stop? 30? 40? As it happened we charged well below market rate but we still charged.

What we did with that money was then up to us.

After child moved out we chose to share it between both children. So both got the same contribution to their living costs. One was not subsidising the other.

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Of course they did!! You took money off the one living at home and gave half of it to the one living away. So you made one child give some of their earnings to the other. That’s not an odd take, it’s exactly what happened.

Original poster
rosesarered95 · 27/10/2022 14:13

antelopevalley · 27/10/2022 14:08

You are assuming all parents are well off. I know people who have to get a lodger in when their adult child leaves home so they can pay the bills.

I'm not assuming that. I've said in my OP and many other posts that I know some families are on a lower income and need the money.

OP posts:
Theydoyaknow · 27/10/2022 14:14

rosesarered95 · 27/10/2022 14:06

Completely disagree that you won't learn budgeting skills if you don't pay rent at home! Assuming parents are not paying for absolutely everything, young adults living at home will still have to budget for things like clothes, travel, car payments, petrol, phone etc plus any money regularly going into savings accounts!

Clothes, travel, car payments, petrol, phone are what every young person needs to budget for whether they live at home or not. Rent is another payment on top of that, you know... like a mortgage. Life skills. Being an adult, Not being subsidised by the bank of Mum and Dad. Living in the real world. Nothing comes free in the real world. You learn to budget, you learn to make sacrifices, you grow up. Mollycoddling and paying your child's deposit for a house is teaching them nothing.

Perfectpeace · 27/10/2022 14:14

LuckySantangelo35 · 27/10/2022 14:08

@rosesarered95

i sure would!

cost of living is increasing etc and if I didn’t take rent I might not be able to afford a holiday

I don’t see spending money on holidays as “frittering”

i see holidays as very important for my mental health, me and my husband work v hard and appreciate the opportunity to get aware and recharge. It’s not gonna leave my kids destitute to charge them rent so why not?!

what do you think is the issue with that?

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Using your children’s earnings to book yourself a holiday is despicable. You are shameless

feistymumma · 27/10/2022 14:15

I completely agree with you OP

Comefromaway · 27/10/2022 14:16

rosesarered95 · 27/10/2022 14:08

@Comefromaway well it's not really your daughters problem that you haven't been abroad for 10 years nor should she have to pay for it. Odd post

Actually it is as she asked us to pay for her to go to a private performing arts college then fund a postgrad in London but I would never hold that against her. I also willingly funded and will also fund next year if he is offered a place significant fees for ds to do a residential with NYMT.

My point is that she is an adult (she doesn't live at home she chose to stay in London but that's beside the point) but if she was living at home she would have to contribute to the household.

Fuwari · 27/10/2022 14:17

rosesarered95 · 27/10/2022 13:35

I said some parents, not all.

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If DS moves out again, I will do what I did last time. Get a lodger. I can rent out a room for over double what DS pays me. I got £600 p/m from my last lodger and he told me it was the cheapest by far he'd found. That's going back nearly 6 years now.

Original poster
rosesarered95 · 27/10/2022 14:18

@LuckySantangelo35 the purpose of having your kids pay you rent is not so you and your husband can afford to have a nice holiday! How will you pay for holidays when they move out?!

OP posts:
dextrek · 27/10/2022 14:20

Haven't read all the responses so sorry if this has already been said, but there is a world of difference between "charging rent" (ie. making a profit by allowing someone to live in your property), and asking for a contribution towards the extra money you have to spend on food, electricity etc.

My adult (22) DD lives at home and contributes £200 a month, we are NOT making a profit off her or taking the piss or anything like that, she is just covering what we pay out for her share of the food and energy bills. I recall this subject coming up a couple of years ago and I got absolutely ripped to bits for asking my DD to help out financially, even though she could afford to do so. One poster actually said it was my LEGAL responsibility to financially support my children at least until age 25!! Not sure what law that was....
Some people live very sheltered lives if they simply cannot conceive that a low- or even medium-income family just can't afford to support another adult free of charge. Those who take keep but "save it" to give back as a house deposit etc, are immensely privileged to be able to do so. We are not well off even with two parents working - we count every penny of our budget and couldn't get by without DD's contribution. It's a lot less than she'd be paying in rent and other bills if she lived away from home!

Comefromaway · 27/10/2022 14:20

I imagine it would be paid for by the fact the household bills would be much lower. Our bills and food costs are at least £200 per month less since the kids moved out. Probably more.

Fuwari · 27/10/2022 14:21

well it's not really your daughters problem that you haven't been abroad for 10 years nor should she have to pay for it

Are you really saying that the "child" should have all their money to spend as they please, while the parents pay for everything, because for the parents to then go on holiday the child is "paying for it"??? No they're not. They're paying their own living costs. If that then means the parent has enough money left after their own living costs to afford a holiday, good for them!

So I can never go on holiday while my DS pays me rent?? Reading your OP I thought you were naive, now I think you're just ignorant.

Wetblanket78 · 27/10/2022 14:21

Depends on what they're salary is. Plus if there's another working adult in the house would they pay they're share of council tax? Which would increase. I had to pay £10 a week rent even when I was on YTS and only recieving £29.50 a week. My mum still got child benefit for me but she still expected a contribution.

When I got a PT job at the restaurant where I had my YTS placement I had to pay £20 a week out of my £70 a week wage's. Which was the extra cost of what her council tax. Even though I was out most the time with friends. I had lunch provided at work so only had the odd evening meal at home.

Comefromaway · 27/10/2022 14:21

Also people of the age of having adult kids also need to be looking towards their retirement. Higher household costs often mean less savings for retirement.

Original poster
rosesarered95 · 27/10/2022 14:23

@Theydoyaknow the amount I was putting away in savings is the same amount I would have been paying in rent if I didn't live at home though, which I'm assuming would be the same for any other person wanting to save a decent deposit. That is how I learnt my budgeting skills.

OP posts:
FlixingTheNet · 27/10/2022 14:24

LuckySantangelo35 · 27/10/2022 14:08

@rosesarered95

i sure would!

cost of living is increasing etc and if I didn’t take rent I might not be able to afford a holiday

I don’t see spending money on holidays as “frittering”

i see holidays as very important for my mental health, me and my husband work v hard and appreciate the opportunity to get aware and recharge. It’s not gonna leave my kids destitute to charge them rent so why not?!

what do you think is the issue with that?

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How old are your children? Just wondering if you’re already doing this or your kids are younger and it’s something you plan on doing.

Comefromaway · 27/10/2022 14:24

Some young people have no intention of saving for a deposit.

BaronessEllarawrosaurus · 27/10/2022 14:24

rosesarered95 · 27/10/2022 13:20

@glassfully Not being naive at all. Obviously people's finances decide that. If you can barely afford to get by, then yes, charge your children rent. However, if you're financially well off and very comfortable, then do you really need to charge rent? I just think in this case the money is better off going in a savings account for your dc's future, instead of pocketing extra money you don't need.

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Thing is my dd is a high earner, yes she is saving a deposit but still has a lot of disposable income, she also needs to eat, uses water, uses electric why shouldn't she cover those costs?

You use the word rent but the fact is her being here costs me money, yes I could cover it but actually why should I? An adult should cover their own costs if able to.