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Original poster

This is going to be controversial but...

543 replies

rosesarered95 · 27/10/2022 10:12

I genuinely don't understand the concept of charging your children "rent" to live in their own home. Wouldn't you rather help them by allowing them to save as much money as possible (especially in this current economy) instead of taking money from them which may reduce the amount that they can save each month, resulting in it taking them a bit longer to move out?

I bought my own property on my own aged 25 and would have never been able to achieve this if I wasn't allowed to stay at home rent free and save as much of my salary as I could. Can I just add, I contributed to the household in other ways e.g cooking for the family weekly, cleaning etc.

I totally understand charging your children rent if you are on a lower income and genuinely need the money, but if this is not the case for you, why do you charge your children rent?

OP posts:
Zone2NorthLondon · 27/10/2022 13:23

Paying rent, contribution for food is a useful and necessary act for most young people
It makes them value the utilities,the food,the accommodation as commodities they use. Yes they should contribute. Understand the relationship between cost and consumption
Much like the allocation of chores and tasks and expectation they contribute according to age and ability

Ivecomeoutoflurking · 27/10/2022 13:23

Haven't RTFT but on the other side, my parents didn't charge me rent and boy do I curse them for it now. I've never been able to save in my life (even though they asked me to) and struggle with money. Had they charged me a decent monthly rent (even if they just saved it up for me) I may have been better equipped to deal with living in the real world. My children will be charged rent and I am going to put it aside for them to use towards a deposit in their futures.

MavisChunch29 · 27/10/2022 13:24

OP is asking why people who don’t need to charge rent as they’re in a good position financially, do charge rent

And people have answered - because they can do so at a rate which allows them to save but also have some self-respect and contribute to the household, and ensure that at some point they will be fully independent and not still sat there in their bedrooms, in their underpants playing Call of Duty when they are 40 years old.

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dworky · 27/10/2022 13:25

Disagree. Firstly, for many working class families, it is a necessity but more importantly it's teaching adults that they are no longer children, are now responsible for themselves & so have to pay their way.
In fact, many parents who fail to instruct their offspring of the real world are selfishly refusing to accept their children are adults.

Citycentre3 · 27/10/2022 13:25

I agree with you 100%. Parents that do this are not only doing themselves a disservice, but they are actively holding their children back from progressing in life. I know they won't see it that way, but that is what it amounts to. Instead of helping, they are causing problems. The irony is if they did not choose to charge rent then their children would probably be more independent far quicker.

Original poster
rosesarered95 · 27/10/2022 13:29

Citycentre3 · 27/10/2022 13:25

I agree with you 100%. Parents that do this are not only doing themselves a disservice, but they are actively holding their children back from progressing in life. I know they won't see it that way, but that is what it amounts to. Instead of helping, they are causing problems. The irony is if they did not choose to charge rent then their children would probably be more independent far quicker.

This is exactly what I think! Surely wouldn't the preferred option be for them to save up as much money as they can so they can be independent sooner?

Also, I think some parents become reliant on the rent they're taking from their children which may cause problems when they move out!

OP posts:
FlixingTheNet · 27/10/2022 13:29

MavisChunch29 · 27/10/2022 13:24

OP is asking why people who don’t need to charge rent as they’re in a good position financially, do charge rent

And people have answered - because they can do so at a rate which allows them to save but also have some self-respect and contribute to the household, and ensure that at some point they will be fully independent and not still sat there in their bedrooms, in their underpants playing Call of Duty when they are 40 years old.

And that’s a valid reply, even though it’s different to what we will do.

But many posters are saying it’s because they can’t afford not to, when the OP has said the question wasn’t aimed at those people. The question was about people that could afford not to.

Comefromaway · 27/10/2022 13:33

Also, I think some parents become reliant on the rent they're taking from their children which may cause problems when they move out!

My bills have massively gone down since my kids moved out.

Original poster
rosesarered95 · 27/10/2022 13:34

I think the happy medium here is charging rent but saving it to give as a lump sum later on (IF you can afford to, of course).

OP posts:
Comefromaway · 27/10/2022 13:34

The irony is if they did not choose to charge rent then their children would probably be more independent far quicker.

Out of the people I know the ones who did not charge their kids rent had them living at home for far, far longer than the ones who did.

Original poster
rosesarered95 · 27/10/2022 13:35

Comefromaway · 27/10/2022 13:33

Also, I think some parents become reliant on the rent they're taking from their children which may cause problems when they move out!

My bills have massively gone down since my kids moved out.

I said some parents, not all.

OP posts:
Fink · 27/10/2022 13:35

I guess it depends on the age and the financial circumstances of all concerned, as well as whether there are any caring responsibilites for parents or others. I'm back living with my parents in my 40s following a divorce, I don't expect them to put me up for free just because they're my parents.

bloodyeverlastinghell · 27/10/2022 13:36

rosesarered95 · 27/10/2022 13:29

This is exactly what I think! Surely wouldn't the preferred option be for them to save up as much money as they can so they can be independent sooner?

Also, I think some parents become reliant on the rent they're taking from their children which may cause problems when they move out!

Show quote history

Surely your expenses are less when the dc move out though. Food, energy, might get a ct discount. You could also downsize to a cheaper/ smaller place if necessary.

Fireballxl5 · 27/10/2022 13:36

Citycentre3 · 27/10/2022 13:25

I agree with you 100%. Parents that do this are not only doing themselves a disservice, but they are actively holding their children back from progressing in life. I know they won't see it that way, but that is what it amounts to. Instead of helping, they are causing problems. The irony is if they did not choose to charge rent then their children would probably be more independent far quicker.

How are they holding their dc back?

You do your dc a disservice by not introducing them to the real world where budgeting is necessary.

I charged both my adult dc 20% of their earnings after they finished university and got full time jobs.
During university I paid all of their rent for university accommodation so that they could study without money worries.
The least they could do is pay towards my household bills once they got a job. Especially bearing in mind the amount of devices turned on, long showers, lots of food, friends round who also ate the food, borrowing the car and masses of laundry.

My dd’s face the first time I told her to pay for her own dental check up was a picture.

Both my dc now have their own homes and manage their money very well.

Snozzlemaid · 27/10/2022 13:36

We don't charge ds (25) as he's saving for a deposit so he can hopefully buy a house at some point.

If he was bad at saving and spent his money on rubbish I would charge him.

We don't have thousands saved up to contribute towards a deposit for him so this is our way of helping.

Calmdown14 · 27/10/2022 13:40

Perhaps those who can afford it should also consider their impact in setting societal norms.

I personally prefer the save it and don't tell them option. That way they are on par with their peers that are likely to be paying rent either at home or in a house share.

Understanding what things cost and how expensive running a household is should be a life skill

Fireballxl5 · 27/10/2022 13:40

@rosesarered95
Also, I think some parents become reliant on the rent they're taking from their children which may cause problems when they move out!

My dc certainly cost more than any rent they paid.
With energy prices I think more d parents will be charging rent now.

Tiredalwaystired · 27/10/2022 13:40

Not read whole thread so others may have said similar but I absolutely intend to charge a degree of rent if mine come home after studies and get a job.

The money will go into a savings account (unknown to them - or at least the first one to move out!) and when they DO move out they will get it as a lump sum to get them started

That way, they live in the real world from the off and it’s not a nasty shock to suddenly be responsible for bills and living expenses.

LuckySantangelo35 · 27/10/2022 13:54

Tabitha888 · 27/10/2022 12:49

Some people are taking this to heart... if you don't need to don't charge your kids, if you need to charge them.

@Tabitha888

what do you class as “need to”

i would change my kids and use that money for a nice holiday for me and my DH

so yeah I don’t need their rent money for food or anything but the extra money would be nice, so 🤷‍♀️

LuckySantangelo35 · 27/10/2022 13:56

@rosesarered95

nah not sure why they should be gifted it back to be honest

that’s not a happy medium

bringincrazyback · 27/10/2022 13:58

I totally understand charging your children rent if you are on a lower income and genuinely need the money, but if this is not the case for you, why do you charge your children rent?

I suspect you've answered the question here in terms of why most people do it.

But also, to help them learn to budget while they're still somewhat cushioned from hard reality, i.e. if they blow all their money they won't be facing potential homelessness.

The option of charging them but putting into savings to give back to them, as suggested by pps, is a nice one if the parent of the adult child doesn't need the money, but it isn't unreasonable to expect a contribution from working adult offspring.

Chippy1234 · 27/10/2022 14:00

Definitely charge rent. It doesnt need to be the market rate but fgs. What is it teaching them that they can live for free and become very comfortable doing it!

Most young adults who are working will get very used to NOT paying rent and spending on all sorts. In fact I dont know any young adult who is paying PIN money to live at home and isnt getting very used to ordering designer this and that.

As others said - how are they going to learn to budget if they havent been used to paying the biggest element of living?

I have a friend whose son is moving back home after a relationship break up and she is very fearful he might never move out again. He is nearly 30...she does his ironing and washing even when he was living away from home.

Sometimes I despair of us teaching them this sort of thing

Original poster
rosesarered95 · 27/10/2022 14:01

@LuckySantangelo35 you would take money from your kids to go on a 'nice holiday'? If you're charging rent, shouldn't it be going towards household bills or a savings account, rather than frittering it away on holidays?

OP posts:
BritAirwaysgirl · 27/10/2022 14:02

I have never charged my 3 children rent.

CaronPoivre · 27/10/2022 14:04

I would never charge mine but I'm fortunate not to need to. Its different if you've lost income because they've turned 18. It's also different if they're sitting around doing nothing whilst a parent keeps a roof over their head.

Does it give a useful ife skill? No, that is twaddle to justify taking or controlling their money. Far better support them not to have to work in part- time jobs whilst studying in 6th form so they can maximise their grades and have wider choices. Same as university. It would depend on amount of studying needed but on a demanding course, far better support them to succeed as bills are far easier to pay with a good salary than with experience of having money from a tiny income taken away 'for their own good'.

Ours seem to have learned about paying mortgages and bills without us helping by insisting they subsidise us.