Child being given sweets then getting upset when I say they can't have them.

[GhastlyBoo]

Anyone else facing this problem?

My dc are constantly being given sweets from family, friends, school & clubs. I don't like them having sweets as they have a few dental issues and I find lollipops a choking hazard.

I'm always the bad guy when they bring home sweets and I have to say no you can't eat them.

I do allow them the occasional treat but I like to limit it and know when they've eaten them.

How can I explain to people not to give my dc sweets without my consent? I've tried telling a few of them but they don't seem to take me seriously.

How old are they?

Don’t know how to stop it but I really dislike people giving my kids sweets too. Always seems to happen immediately before a meal.

I let my kid have sweets fairly often. Teeth cleaning gets done. Diet is good. They're not overweight.

I agree though that other people - presumably relatives? are doing this, they should ask first. Just tell them that they can't offer sweets without checking with you. I don't let little kids have lollipops either.

We put them in a box in the cupboard and they can have them as a treat from time to time. Could that work as a middle ground?

Sorry but I do think that is mean to take gifted sweets from your DC and bin them.

Besides fruit, fruit juice, tomato sauce and pasta cause more tooth decay than do sweets. Yes sugar is bad but acid erosion and sticky foods like pasta are actually worse.

So school age?

your attitude is more likely to lead to secret scoffing of them! The odd packet of sweets isn’t going to do any harm with good oral hygiene.

it's astonishing how much access they have to sugar and crap in your average day, i thought i was really laid back about this stuff but even i have to step in on occasion

i think in the UK, just like a lot of cultures, we associate love and affection with sweet treats

i was in a medical setting the other week and my DC were offered a "little snack" 3 x during a 30min wait - the first time i let them take from a plate offered (who doesn't like a bonus biscuit!), with a load of cooing and attention from staff - but shift changes happened and DC were offered 2 more choc biscuits in the time we were waiting.. they meant well but it's amazing how much sugar we offer them, despite medical advice/dentists etc saying the exact opposite!

don't even get me started on a cafe recently who couldn't understand a child that doesn't like fruit juice - the kids menu options were fruit shoot, juices or soda.. DC don't drink any of them (we're not fussed by them so we don't buy them and they just sort of adopted that too) and just asked for a glass of milk.. staff didn't know how to input that into the computer as a standalone mini glass not for an adult... bizarre!

The occasional treat won’t hurt them and neither will them getting ‘upset’ when you say no.

It’s really annoying isn’t it, it means you can hardly ever be the one buying them too.

Our last school, everyone brought sweets in when it was their birthday, plus the school have our sweets fairly regularly. I was quite pleased when we moved.

You could maybe message the main culprits, eg school and see if that helps. And mention to relatives that you are awash?

Any sweets go straight in the bin.

Make a sweet jar, where they have to put all the sweets they are given and then they can get one out each day. That won't rot their teeth overnight and it has to be at the time you say.

God that's so mean @drpet49

I feel the same @GhastlyBoo . Sweets given out for birthdays, end of term, parties, play dates etc. I hate it. Sweets as an occasional treat are fine, but its definitely more than occasional. And I'm the mean parent saying no all the time..

I’ve found that lately a lot of sweets seem to be coming home from school for people’s birthdays so I’ll let DD have them then occasionally but if there’s more than one or it’s been quite a few times that week she puts it in her sweet box which is also where most sweets from family members go and it’s for a weekend treat

Can't they have them at meal times?

You do need to be careful to not be the parent who refuses sweets then when they get to parties they gorge on sweet stuff & spend their teenage years buying sugary stuff.

A few sweets after a meal is fine. It's when they're constantly snacking on them during the day that dental issues arise. I'd put all sweets in a jar and then they can pick a few to have after dinner a few times a week. Snacks between meals should be tooth-friendly - apple, cheese, veg sticks, plain yoghurt, nuts etc. Be careful of peanut butter (a favourite here!) as it can stick to teeth. Plain milk chocolate (for instance, a small animal bar) is better than sweets, cake and biscuits if you want to give them something sweet.

@GhastlyBoo

I think you need to relax. Put the sweets into a jar. Allow one after a meal, followed by tooth brushing

Your children are going to be too old for you to police what they eat in a few years, or they will learn to gobble sweets as soon as they receive them, and you'll be none the wiser.

Forbidden fruit is always incredibly tempting. Be careful that you're not turning sweets into a highly desirable thing in your children's lives.

Sweets are available everywhere and other children have access to them. Other parents don't respond the way you have to problem posed to teeth. Be careful that you're not inadvertently alienating them from you, causing them to hide things from you, and lie.

Learning to moderate sweet consumption is a far more useful lesson than abstinence as its something they have a chance of successfully recreating themselves as teens and beyond. All sweets into a jar as per pp suggestion, then every other day or so they can choose something. Plus you can remove things from the jar when nobody is looking!

Why should OP be forced to give her child a sweet every day? Sweets are supposed to be a rare treat - she shouldn’t be role-modelling them to be part of a daily diet. And OP’s kid has fragile teeth.

OP you’ve tried being polite, it’s time to get annoyed and be blunt to the people causing the problem. Eg

”Dear Auntie Lynda, I’ve just had to manage DD in floods of tears and tantrums because you’ve given her sweets that she isn’t allowed to eat. I’ve spoken to you about this before, and you know that she has very fragile tooth enamel, so I’m upset that you’re still doing it. Please can you stop giving DD junk food: she will not be allowed to eat it and will just end up in tears.”

Seperately give DD a lesson, with videos, about what sugar does to teeth and what fat does to the heart. When she understands that you’re wisely protecting her and that the others are stupid, she make take it better. My DD gets given junk food by school as “prize” or “treat” quite regularly, she brings it to me and we check the ingredients together and usually agree to throw it away. DD was particularly shocked to learn that red food colouring isn’t food at all, it’s made out of coal tar and proven to cause attention problems in children. She was also startled to learn about the E171 additive (makes sugar look whiter) and how it contains traces of arsenic and lead.

Im sorry but i think its quite mean. The odd sweet with good dental hygiene isn't going to hurt!
There's going to be 100s of occasions, school parties, Xmas gifts, even sweets from teachers at xmas with their card.
Clubs etc.

Choose your battles.

No one's saying go to Costco and buy 1kg of haribo for a weekend but an odd lolly or pack of sweets isnt the end of the world!

Far better to teach about a balanced diet and good oral care in my experience rather than being overly strict
My kids are grown up now but have no fillings but we always enjoyed sweets

Totally off subject and I'm sorry to hijack but pasta?

What a waste,
If you really don't want your DC to have them, why not just give them to someone else? Foodbanks will take "treats".