Child being given sweets then getting upset when I say they can't have them.

[GhastlyBoo]

Anyone else facing this problem?

My dc are constantly being given sweets from family, friends, school & clubs. I don't like them having sweets as they have a few dental issues and I find lollipops a choking hazard.

I'm always the bad guy when they bring home sweets and I have to say no you can't eat them.

I do allow them the occasional treat but I like to limit it and know when they've eaten them.

How can I explain to people not to give my dc sweets without my consent? I've tried telling a few of them but they don't seem to take me seriously.

A lot of posters have suggested a treat jar that gifted sweets can replenish. This worked for us too and allowed a more structured approach to treats. You don’t have to be the bad guy, just the designer of a process that works for your family. A very limited portion after a meal followed by toothbrushing seems pretty sensible - you may even find that on occasion the sweet isn’t worth the bother to them (result!)

I know the feeling, my kids seem to bring them home from school, parties, hairdresser, visits to grandparents, etc. and if I let them eat them all they'd be eating sweets every day. Instead, we have a sweet tin in our house. All sweets go into there and DC are allowed to pick a treat once a week from the tin. Spare chocolate is often melted down into crispie cakes, we never have to buy stuff in for trick or treaters and DC are happy with this arrangement.

I feel sorry for your children. You are cruel

To respond to the idea that restricting sugar intake will cause them to binge as they get older (someone mentioned uni/adulthood!)… children on the whole get way more excited about sugar, have little to no real understanding of health and diet and lack impulse control. We make LOADS of decisions for our DC that they wouldn’t make for themselves if given the opportunity… I really don’t think limiting sweets will damage a child. My son asks for sweets when he sees them. The less he sees them, the less he asks. The OP is entirely reasonable.

Also I was given home made pudding every day as a child but never sweets. Nowadays I really don’t like sweets and I love home made pudding.

You're only teaching them to hide it. I say this from my childhood experience. I wasn't allowed anything sweet so when I was old enough to buy my own I did and hid wrappers etc. Hiding eating is never healthy.

I am not convinced by the argument that restricting now could cause them to binge later on. I was restricted as a child and I don’t have a sweet tooth at all. All of DH family eat a lot of sweet things now and he was never told no to sweet things as a child.

DS is only 2 and are starting to find him being given sweets more and more. I think there is a balance. I’m ok with sweets for a birthday or celebration but not just because it is Auntie visiting on a Friday. That is unnecessary.

There is a massive difference between sensibly restricting (“we will save them for after tea” or “let’s put them in the treat tub for later”) and throwing them in the bin and banning them all together though!

i doubt many would suggest open access with no limits to any thing like that is good but that doesn’t mean ban it all together

Why not take it as a learning opportunity

Take all the sweets (Halloween is a tricky time to limit!)

Lay them out for your children and ask them which half they would like to donate to the food bank for children that get no sweets, and which they would like to save for their treats

Lollipops go to food bank - non negotiable

@AlmostOver22 which prob has a lot if sugar in too
And yes many will say restriction too much can make it worse
Kids walk too school passed shops as young teenagers so its not later in life necessarily
Its all about everything in moderation really
I know people who have no sweets but feed other sugary things as they deem them healthy and don't moderate
As healthy

@whattodo2019 a 10 p freddo compared to a £2 magazine
You know many can afford that treat
If it was only when you visited what harm would a little freddo do
And gosh Macdonalds is your child still in therapy ?
People having good foods / bad foods rather than learning about moderation and how to have a healthy diet , its no wonder we have so many food issues
Its like I know people with overweight kids who don't have sweets or bad food , inly good healthy food but the portion sizes are crazy so that kid is. No healthier as such than the child who has a sensible meal and then a treat after or once in a while

@healthadvice123 yes that was my point. Being denied something sweet doesn’t necessarily make you crave it. In my case I was denied sweets and never crave them. I was given a lot of pudding and it’s still my weakness in adulthood.

Exactly. I've never restricted sweets or banned anything. My children have a healthy relationship with food, don't crave sweets and have no fillings as teenagers.

I think this is a little ott but indo know where your coming from.

My bug bear was the after school " snacks" sweets parent's bought in then all DC want one and kind mum's bring extras!.
So lovely and generous but my DC got used to treat every day after school and it's hard to say no when one DC is munching away and they are still playing!

@Clymene we have used sAme approach and again have healthy young adults , no fillings etc
I have one who has a limited diet due to other reasons but still is not a big sweet/ chocolate eater and neither of my kids like cake

I used to have this problem and I found no easy answer.

Another one whose parents policed how many sweets and chocolate I had and now I am an adult with food issues

If your child has enamel problems you are advised to choose certain sweets, and mainly not chewy ones like drumstick lollies.
Unfortunately a lot of those big sweet packs that are handed out contain a lot of chewy stuff.

”Dear Auntie Lynda, I’ve just had to manage DD in floods of tears and tantrums because you’ve given her sweets that she isn’t allowed to eat. I’ve spoken to you about this before, and you know that she has very fragile tooth enamel, so I’m upset that you’re still doing it. Please can you stop giving DD junk food: she will not be allowed to eat it and will just end up in tears.”

If I got a letter like that, it would be the end of me buying anything at all for your child. Birthday, Christmas presents, nothing. 'Fragile tooth enamel' is pure nonsense. No-one's tooth enamel is fragile.

I was much happier for my kids to be given chocolate (grandparents always gave the tiny Kinder eggs) than sweets. My oldest didn't even like sweets (lucky me) but loved chocolate.

I think, with chocolate, the sweetness is in contact with the teeth for a much shorter time.

My DC are now in their 30s and not overweight. Neither has any fillings.

My parents made chocolate the reward for eating your dinner (especially if you weren't keen on it). Not a good idea and I have fillings.

Making food into a big issue is not a healthy attitude to give children.

Let them have a few and then put the test somewhere for later.

That’s what we’ve done. There are sweets for months in the fridge that get forgotten.

I agree with @Avidreader69 , If I received a note like that I'd be groaning so much. If a kid is in floods of tears and tantrums because they can't have a sweet they are given then I would be thinking it's the kids behaviour or the parenting that is out of line. (Assuming no SEN obv).

My mum would definitely agree with the posters saying I was mean.
As a child I could eat sweets all day If I wanted too. I probably did some days too!

As an adult I still crave sweet food and eat it very frequently. I have a mouth full of fillings and a few extractions.

So it's not always a case of forbidden fruit.

I do not want my dc suffering as I have.

So they see you eating it but they're not allowed?

Come on.

@ParentallyUnprepared
What makes you think I eat it in front of them?

Agreed that would be extremely mean and selfish.