Child being given sweets then getting upset when I say they can't have them.

[GhastlyBoo]

Anyone else facing this problem?

My dc are constantly being given sweets from family, friends, school & clubs. I don't like them having sweets as they have a few dental issues and I find lollipops a choking hazard.

I'm always the bad guy when they bring home sweets and I have to say no you can't eat them.

I do allow them the occasional treat but I like to limit it and know when they've eaten them.

How can I explain to people not to give my dc sweets without my consent? I've tried telling a few of them but they don't seem to take me seriously.

I now really want to hear the McDonald’s story 😆

I have this, but allergy related.

Party bags, birthday hand outs, prizes at clubs, or just relatives that don't understand. I feel like I'm constantly upsetting her by taking away 'gifts'

I’m with you. It’s exhausting. I don’t buy that rubbish about turning your child into a secret sweet binge eater either. A treat isn’t something you have every day. If you have it every day, or a few times a week, it’s part of your regular diet. When you count amount of birthdays they go to in a given year, family birthdays, and then add special occasions like Christmas, Easter etc. Plus relaxing the rules when on holiday, that’s plenty. My kids still give me a hard time about it. “There’s never any treats in this house.” Yeah, no.

I was brought up with sweets being tightly regulated and neither my brother nor I have any eating disorders or issues with food. It's not inevitable! Neither of us like particularly sweet food, maybe because we didn't develop a taste for it in childhood.

my dd had a friend who was not allowed any sweet stuff.
I found this out when she dropped her off at a birthday party aged 4 - Oh by the way she doesn't eat anything with sugar.
Nightmare, and I didn't even know why (allergies? didn't like it? parent preference?)

They remained friends all through primary school, and at her house it was lovely, snakc time was always strawberries and slices of nice fruit. No cakes, biscuits, sweets or anything made with sugar. Mum was very proud of the fact that they didn't like chocolate or sweets.

I often gave that girl a lift to/from parties. If I did pick up, I would watch in the rear view mirror as she went through the party bag, found the sweets and the cake with icing and stuffed her face as quickly as she could before we got to her house, then 'lost' the wrappers etc so the bag looked normal when she got home.

Not a healthy attitude at all.

sorry, I meant to say - the sweet jar can be very effective. Nice treat, occasionally. I know a dentist who allows sweets after dinner only. So a few sweets after dinner, and then bedtime and teeth brushing.
You can also remove any really hard chewy sweets which are more damaging

Personally I would let them have the treats but at set times . After lunch or tea is the time the dentist I worked with recommended .
I eat lots of chocolate and have no fillings but I don’t eat sweets or sticky things like toffee and haven’t eaten sweets since the age of 17.

Why on earth would everyone's teeth be the same any more than skin, hair or any other part is exactly the same?

Two of mine inherited their father's hard as nails teeth (and nails) - I think I could have painted their teeth in sugar syrup every night with limited damage. The others inherited my less robust teeth and had to be really careful. Same warning from different dentists, just like the OP's dentist.

We used the sweet box method for holding sweets and then having them out at particular times/days. It worked fine, all four adults have a healthy relationship with food, no weight problems and decent teeth. None went chasing after sweets or begging for them, just as PPs have described from their experience. Eating disorders come from more than not being allowed sweets usually.

I find the idea that its "mean" not to allow kids to have unlimited sweets when given ridiculous amounts quite odd. Possibly some PPs haven't experienced insane over giving of sweets to children by adults who confuse sweets with affection.

My kids weren't allowed sweets - period.
I had 2 packets a day as a child / grandad - and loads of fillings.
I gave up sweets and sugar in tea at 14 and not a single filling since.
My children never had sweets AND never had any fillings - AT ALL.
I didn't care what any one said.
I wish my mum had been as strict.
There is nothing nutritious in sweets.
And I did let have as much crips and chocolate- within reason, as they wanted.
Chocolate does contain iron, protein and (calcium) after all
And we had a good teeth cleanings routine - made it a game when they were little

Also all the kids have a healthy relationship with food.

Find sweets you both agree on (maybe choc biscuits?) And swap with the children

Crisps are just as bad as sweets for teeth

@BungleandGeorge
Really??
Genuine question
I eat loads of crips so ti be fair I can only go in my experience.
Sweets 100 percent sugar.
Crips 0.5 grams a bag.
Lot of salt though

Yes dentists say that crisps are bad for teeth, theee is an explanation here and it makes sense! www.advanceddental.co.uk/blog/what-are-the-best-worst-foods-drinks-for-your-teeth-oral-health/

A lot of it comes down to personality with children, my eldest two got very little sweet stuff when small and the eldest is still quite disciplined as an adult, but the next eldest is absolutely addicted to sugary shite. I was a bit more relaxed with the younger ones, one is always looking for sweets/chocolate, the other isn't bothered though she loves homemade cakes and biscuits. I do think if sugar is totally banned they can go a bit mad for it at parties and playdates, but it makes sense to at least monitor how much they are having. My dc all have great teeth though, no fillings and the eldest is 32. I think there is a bit of luck involved there but i was always fussy about their oral hygiene.

The state of your teeth is mostly genetic. So it’s luck if your kids haven’t had fillings … not your wonderful parenting excluding them from the odd sweet or cake 🤦‍♀️

I'd like to hear that from a dentist, while I'm sure that's true to a certain extent of you have really good oral hygiene I'm not sure you can blame fillings on genetics.

Looking forward to hearing back in a few years when you're looking for advice on dealing with older children hiding sweets away from you because you take them away all the time.

How often is it really happening?

For us it's parties, classmates birthdays and the end of term at their extra curricular clubs.

With the after school/clubs sweets then I let them eat them in the car on the way home. It's never anything big and they've just spent hours busy anyway.

Parties are special occasions so I let those slide.

When they are gifted lots of sugary stuff (Christmas/party bags/Easter etc) then they each have a treat drawer and some days they'll ask for sometime from them as dessert. If they've not had other sweets that day then generally I say yes.

Neither gorge themselves with sweets any given chance and aren't the kids hoovering up all the sweets at party buffets etc. So I think it's working as a tactic so far.

Each child has a little tin and extra sweets go in there for occasional pudding. If it's eaten with dinner the dental impact is minimal. If the children don't ask for them, there's less of an upset by saying yes, at an appropriate time. Then they are likely to be forgotten.

Sweets to me equals chocolate. Why do you classify them separately?

To be honest, i took my ds friend to a play date and we had pizza and a soft drink, plus a sweet snack. The parents knew about it.honestly i never saw someone drinking a bottle of Ribena so fast. I thought he was going to be sick l. He said he doesn't drink soft drinks usually at home. He asked for another one but i didnt give him, i was worried. I mean, honestly, moderation is key. This kid will binge eat everything he wasn't allowed once he grows older. My son has sweet treats everyday,and he is very reasonable, never has more than a couple biscuits, or sweets. He never argues or cries for treats either.

Erm no, fruit and pasta is not worse than sweets in causing decay

Sweets should be given straight after a meal as a pudding, not as a snack.

This type of parenting method does more harm than good. I will never demonise a food group and as a result my 5 year old daughter often chooses water/milk over juice or fruit over sweets. This was only achieved by being laid back and calm around food consumption, and not stressing when she had the odd day of eating too many sweets.

How did you even find this zombie?