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Original poster

Child being given sweets then getting upset when I say they can't have them.

155 replies

GhastlyBoo · 25/10/2022 16:28

Anyone else facing this problem?

My dc are constantly being given sweets from family, friends, school & clubs. I don't like them having sweets as they have a few dental issues and I find lollipops a choking hazard.

I'm always the bad guy when they bring home sweets and I have to say no you can't eat them.

I do allow them the occasional treat but I like to limit it and know when they've eaten them.

How can I explain to people not to give my dc sweets without my consent? I've tried telling a few of them but they don't seem to take me seriously.

OP posts:
forestsmurf · 25/10/2022 22:42

Discovereads · 25/10/2022 16:33

Sorry but I do think that is mean to take gifted sweets from your DC and bin them.

Besides fruit, fruit juice, tomato sauce and pasta cause more tooth decay than do sweets. Yes sugar is bad but acid erosion and sticky foods like pasta are actually worse.

Hmm sorry but pasta is not worse for your teeth than sweets and lollipops!!!! from a dental professional here!

ItsNotReallyChaos · 25/10/2022 23:33

My mil’s favourite pa game is to bring the dc a giant bag of chocolate and simper about how mum probably won’t allow them to have them.

I can't stand this. This is what happens at one of DD's friend's house when she goes there to play. When I pick her up afterwards the mum does loads of faux over-the-top apologies for having handed DD a pretty much constant stream of sweet stuff.

Original poster
GhastlyBoo · 26/10/2022 07:38

Last night I had a conversation with their auntie about this.

It didn't go well and I was made to feel like I'm being too fussy when all I'm doing is trying to teach my children healthy eating.

Auntie always visits on a Friday and I politely asked her not to bring any sweets around. She was annoyed as she had 'extra' due to it being Halloween soon!

Her words were that I was being mean not letting them have it and she had gone to a lot of effort with these sweets. ( she is someone who knows about dc problematic teeth, I have actually been crying over the phone to her once about it ) .

She concluded that she will bring the sweets and I can decide what to do with them.

No doubt she will wave them in dc faces first of all.

OP posts:

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C8H10N4O2 · 26/10/2022 08:00

GhastlyBoo · 26/10/2022 07:38

Last night I had a conversation with their auntie about this.

It didn't go well and I was made to feel like I'm being too fussy when all I'm doing is trying to teach my children healthy eating.

Auntie always visits on a Friday and I politely asked her not to bring any sweets around. She was annoyed as she had 'extra' due to it being Halloween soon!

Her words were that I was being mean not letting them have it and she had gone to a lot of effort with these sweets. ( she is someone who knows about dc problematic teeth, I have actually been crying over the phone to her once about it ) .

She concluded that she will bring the sweets and I can decide what to do with them.

No doubt she will wave them in dc faces first of all.

When my DC were at primary school there was a bit of an escalation from birthday sweets (large bag of small sweets) to endless bags of sweets going into school for every possible excuse (swimming badges!). They implemented a policy of sweets just for birthdays. Birthday sweets were amalgamated and shared with the class on Friday afternoon just before home time. That seemed a compromise which most parents could work with. It also reduced the overall quantity.

For family - if a close relative who knows about DC teeth is waving sweets under their nose then I'd assume they were an arse or just thick. Ask what is "kind" about subjecting children to fillings and problems in the future.

Stick everything in a box in the cupboard for weekends/whenever and if some get lost along the way to reduce the total then so be it.

I suspect most PPs have not experienced families who go mad buying sweets. I would have responded the same before seeing the body weight of sugar my SiL's kids used to receive on a weekly basis - she used to chuck a lot out, I'd have done the same.

AnnapurnaSanctuary · 26/10/2022 08:05

Be careful OP. My mum used to give away chocolates I was given (even though it didn't happen very often in the 1970s/80s) and as an adult I have a poor relationship with food, including eating in secret etc.

BigSandyBalls2015 · 26/10/2022 08:12

I was like this with my DDs. As soon as they hit year 6 and started walking to school via the newsagents they went mad and started buying all sorts of sugary crap.

I wish I’d been a bit more chilled to be honest.

Original poster
GhastlyBoo · 26/10/2022 08:14

For everyone saying I will cause food issues in later life, if people didn't keep handing my dc sweets then I wouldn't need to refuse them having them.

They don't ever actually ask for sweets. It's only when they are given them and I have to say no then they get upset.

Like I said before, no child needs sweets multiple times a week!

I do allow my dc some sweets. Not often but they are allowed some.

OP posts:
gogohmm · 26/10/2022 08:33

@ArseInTheCoOpWindow

It's not the sweets that is causing obesity, it's the rubbish diets people (who should know better and can afford better) feed their children, but often feed themselves separate better food!

Jarred pasta sauce for instance is loaded with sugar

Cantanka · 26/10/2022 08:34

GhastlyBoo · 26/10/2022 07:38

Last night I had a conversation with their auntie about this.

It didn't go well and I was made to feel like I'm being too fussy when all I'm doing is trying to teach my children healthy eating.

Auntie always visits on a Friday and I politely asked her not to bring any sweets around. She was annoyed as she had 'extra' due to it being Halloween soon!

Her words were that I was being mean not letting them have it and she had gone to a lot of effort with these sweets. ( she is someone who knows about dc problematic teeth, I have actually been crying over the phone to her once about it ) .

She concluded that she will bring the sweets and I can decide what to do with them.

No doubt she will wave them in dc faces first of all.

Well she’s clearly unreasonable to ignore you’re request, but she’s right. You are being mean.

Like I said before, no child needs sweets multiple times a week! I do allow my dc some sweets. Not often but they are allowed some

This just sounds so joyless. Children don’t “need” sweets in the sense of surviving, but they enjoy them. If they were overweight or only eating sweets, yes that is a problem but regular treats is fine and part of being a child. Stop being such a stickler.

user1471505356 · 26/10/2022 08:43

My grandchildren now refuse sweets etc at times, because their mother has set a limit the youngest who complies is five.

Sniffypete · 26/10/2022 08:45

GhastlyBoo · 26/10/2022 08:14

For everyone saying I will cause food issues in later life, if people didn't keep handing my dc sweets then I wouldn't need to refuse them having them.

They don't ever actually ask for sweets. It's only when they are given them and I have to say no then they get upset.

Like I said before, no child needs sweets multiple times a week!

I do allow my dc some sweets. Not often but they are allowed some.

You will cause problems by saying no. The kids will want them more as "forbidden fruit" always tastes better.

Just let them have a couple of sweets when they want. We always have a huge bowel of sweets (most are from last Halloween and Xmas!) that my dd barely touches as they are always there. However when her cousins come over who aren't allowed any at home they eat so many!

ArseInTheCoOpWindow · 26/10/2022 08:47

I don’t think jarred pasta sauce is the source of all evil.

GiltEdges · 26/10/2022 08:53

I think it’s fine to have boundaries around sweets, but you also need to be realistic. I don’t allow hard boiled sweets/lollies, toffees or hard chew type sweets, as I don’t want DS to damage his teeth, so if he brings any of these home they’re disposed of and swapped for something more appropriate that I’ve bought for him.

PriamFarrl · 26/10/2022 08:55

littlefireseverywhere · 25/10/2022 17:27

You do need to be careful to not be the parent who refuses sweets then when they get to parties they gorge on sweet stuff & spend their teenage years buying sugary stuff.

Hello.
That was me. That still is me. My mother wouldn’t let me have anything. No cakes, no biscuits, no sweets. We lived rurally so it wasn’t until I was older and could drive that I could get to shops by myself. As soon as I could I would drive into town and buy all the crap I could find. Not long after that I left home and then there was nothing to stop me.
I still buy food in secret, I still hide food.

My mother thought that the worst thing a woman could do was be over weight. I’m a huge disappointment to her.

whattodo2019 · 26/10/2022 08:55

I totally agree. I used to go mad when i found out my father was go j go my son a freddo frog every morning when they went went to buy the news papers (when we visited). My father saw it as a treat,
i saw it as encouraging an addiction to sugar.... I used to ask my
dad to buy him a kids magazine and sit with him and read it. That's a treat and a bonding experience...
I wish here jn the UK we didn't use and see food as a treats/ rewards.

Dont get me started about when my
parents took my kids
to McDonalds...

BananaCocktails · 26/10/2022 08:56

you sound like the dentist from Charlie and the chocolate factory ..they are not gonna die and the teeth are going to fall out Couple it’s quite mean to take the sweets off them and then you say they can’t have them my gosh they would remember that as they get older

BananaCocktails · 26/10/2022 08:57

Meant to say the teeth are not going to fall out

ArseInTheCoOpWindow · 26/10/2022 08:57

Wow, a Freddie Frog once a day for a few days.

What a crime.

ArseInTheCoOpWindow · 26/10/2022 08:58

So so many future eating disorders being created on this thread.

BananaCocktails · 26/10/2022 08:59

But why do they have problematic teeth to begin with? Do you know things like yoghurts juices and fruit can cause just as much damage to teeth? Everything in moderation

APurpleSquirrel · 26/10/2022 09:00

@whattodo2019 - why? What happened at McDonalds?

BlueWalnut · 26/10/2022 09:06

In the spirit of trying to solve your problem, can you ask relatives to provide an alternative if they want to treat your children to something they will love. Something collectible, easily available and inexpensive such as those stickers you buy in newsagents and supermarkets? My DS is older but used to collect mini Lego figures…so something like that.

If the children are given sweets, keep them to one side and offer them straight after a meal. My understanding is that eating them this way causes the least harm to teeth. Then they can brush their teeth afterwards.

But I do feel other posters have a point. If you make sweets into forbidden fruit it will be counter productive and potentially harmful. My kids were desperate to eat at fast food chains. I hate the food quality, but took them occasionally to avoid this problem. Now they are older they don’t bother with them.

Goldbar · 26/10/2022 09:07

Dont get me started about when my
parents took my kids
to McDonalds...

😂. Why? Did they not stop at corrupting them with happy meals but did they...whisper it...stretch to a mcflurry as well?

Iknowforsure1 · 26/10/2022 09:09

OP I have no advice but I sympathise.
honestly, parents can’t do right. My child had some tooth decay (although the other child’s teeth are strong and decay free) and had a patronising speech from the dentist. There is also an epidemic of childhood obesity, although thankfully my children are healthy weight. However every time you try to limit sugar intake, there’s always someone with a lollipop or “occasional” treat and a sodding cake sale every week. Don’t get me wrong, occasional treat is fine and we are nowhere near denying our children that. However it is not bloody occasional when it’s offered so often in the week, and it leaves zero space for us to have a treat as a family together. It will be one ice cream too often. I NEVER offer my friends children sweets, ever. I offer fruits, and although I know fruits also cause decay, it’s more acceptable of a treat in my book and more healthy.

TootMootZoot · 26/10/2022 09:09

My kids are adults and still, roughly, adhere to the 'one sweet thing a day' rule. I drummed it into
My kids when they were little that they had to monitor their own sweet treat consumption and could choose what to have. The rule was one sweet treat a day and that they had to clean there teeth afterwards.

I know one sweet treat a day is probably more than others would want but it's what we did.
They always enjoyed their sweet treat and being given the 'power' of choosing it themselves made sure they didn't aimlessly eat sweets.
Other people won't do what's best for your kids and you aren't always there so they need to do it themselves.
If we were at my in-laws and they got offered coke for example they would all refuse and ask for water.
It's funny that they still do it as adults. None have any food, weight or teeth issues even though they all still enjoy sweets