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Original poster

Friend called: panic attack driving with her DC in lightning

148 replies

Eastie77Returns · 23/10/2022 17:50

Not sure WTF to do. We went away on a trip for DS’ birthday together with a friend and her 2 DC. We left the birthday venue earlier this afternoon to drive back to London in our separate cars (roughly 3 hr drive). I drove straight home but friend stopped off for lunch. She has called me screaming hysterically that she is still many miles from home and cannot drive because of the lightning which is terrifying her. She has stopped at a service station and is experiencing a panic attack. Her DH is away for work. I don’t know what to do as I think she wants me to drive and get them but she is about 2 hours away. I’ve told her to wait until the lightning stops but she is crying, her DC are crying and I feel terrible!

OP posts:
CornishTiger · 23/10/2022 19:50

If she is screaming hysterically I doubt it was a panic attack. I can barely breathe let alone talk when this happens. I’d also be physically exhausted afterwards and be clinging into that hotel bed

moonypadfootprongs · 23/10/2022 19:52

Where exactly is she @Eastie77Returns? I'm guessing Watford gap or ok the m1 somewhere?
Can you talk her into driving from services to services and staying on the line with her hands free?
There's more choice of hotels at either Northampton or Milton Keynes if she isn't managing driving

HappyHappyHermit · 23/10/2022 19:55

She needs to ask for the first aider at the service station and sit with them for a while. They will most probably help to calm her and her children down. It is awful to feel that scared but she needs to be the adult and help herself a little too. Speaking with the first aider will likely help and the storm will have passed on in no time.

Tiredalwaystired · 23/10/2022 19:55

TheOrigRights · 23/10/2022 19:15

If she has such crippling anxiety about lightening I don't why she's on the roads today. It's been forecast.
That said, she can't sit and wait for you on the verge of panic for 2 hrs.
If she is unable to help herself (and really, if she has kids with her, you'd think the instinct to get her kids out of the car, in the warm and car would kick in) then can you call someone at the Services to help her? There must be some sort of assistance there?

She was on her way home from a weekend away. I imagine they hadn’t got an extra night booked.

oakleaffy · 23/10/2022 20:02

bercan · 23/10/2022 17:59

tbh we were just out in it & it was like something out of movie.

It would be impractical for you to ''Go ands get her''
A grown adult being scared of storms is one thing, but making a crying fuss just will scare her children and really isn't fair on them, at all.

She needs to park up somewhere safe, and wait it out, then drive onward.

Storms on a motorway can be frightening.

The most scared I've been in a car was on a dark section of the M4 at night in a tiny Ford Fiesta years ago, with violent winds and torrential rain, and visibility was almost 2 metres.
Juggernauts and Artics throwing up huge arcs of spray centimetres from us.

We were with a 'Newly qualified' driver.
I must admit to quietly praying.
Driver did brilliantly.

OP, your friend will likely be home now.

ShippingForecastMeditator · 23/10/2022 20:07

She’d already done the right thing by pulling into a service station but it’s a shame her anxiety meant she didn’t realise she was already in the safest place (and that storms nearly always pass quickly). Her poor kids too! Time to seek help, definitely.

oakleaffy · 23/10/2022 20:08

Summerfun54321 · 23/10/2022 19:26

I was feeling sorry for her before she asked your DH to drive and get her. She isn’t a damsel in distress, she’s a grown woman and a parent and for the sake of her kids she either needs to book into the hotel or drive home.

I agree...Sometimes facing your fears is the best thing.
The storm has stopped, driving by night isn't great, but what will the husband do?
Will he tow her home? It's impractical!
What will happen to her car?

NeverDropYourMooncup · 23/10/2022 20:08

Eastie77Returns · 23/10/2022 19:20

I cannot find a number for the Days Inn or any way to book on her behalf and she doesn’t really want to stay there anyway as she said it looks rough and like a Norman Bates motel(!)

Her husband called to see if DP would be able to get her when he finishes work although it would be at least 9pm before he got to her. I have been advising her re the breathing etc. The lightning has completely stopped thankfully, @2ManyPjs thank you for that map - very useful. I think she will just have to drive home as there is very little realistically that can be done. She did call the RAC but obviously they will not come out as she has not broken down.

Beggars can't be choosers. If she can act as a hotel inspector, she's more than capable of driving home now.

AllThatFancyPaintsAsFair · 23/10/2022 20:13

Hooverphobe · 23/10/2022 18:44

@AllThatFancyPaintsAsFair how big are the bottles YOU buy? 🙄

Same size as everyone else's I guess - 750ml

HavfrueDenizKisi · 23/10/2022 20:14

Yes sorry but I agree this whole thing is bonkers.

She may well have anxiety, but she has kids in the car and she really needs to get control of herself. Of course she can walk into the services and calm down/have a cuppa.

If she really cannot and is in such a bad state then she needs help - medical or police. Which sounds awful considering how stretched these services are.

You or your husband driving 2 hours there and 2 hours back is, quite frankly, ridiculous.

There are times in life when we all have to pull our big girl pants on and do shit we are afraid of.

Then once home she needs to get control over this.

Poor kids.

Hawkins001 · 23/10/2022 20:15

I can understand her perspectives, although as far as I'm aware lightening just passed safely off the car due to the rubber tires I believe ?

HeadNorth · 23/10/2022 20:17

She doesn’t sound that beside herself with fear if she can turn her nose up at the hotel. Don’t drag your DH into this, she is a grown up who needs to handle her own shit. She can get a coffee then drive home or spend the night in a hotel - no white knight required.

PinkyandtheBrainBrainBrainBrainBrain · 23/10/2022 20:28

Urgh I hate it when people make shit like this your problem. Her husband phoning to pile it on too. Fuck off with that.

i have a friend who is a mother of three who cannot even phone herself a taxi, such is her level of helplessness. I must admit my patience with that nonsense is waning rapidly.

ilukp · 23/10/2022 20:31

The expectation that you drive to get her, in the storm, or that your DP drives to get her is ridiculous. Why should either of you drive 4 hours in the same storm to pick her up? And someone will have to take her back tomorrow to collect her car.
Sorry, but no. Her DH shouldn't be asking your DP to go and get her either but should instead be talking to her and trying to calm her down enough to get her to either go and sit in the service station and get something to eat until the storm passes or book into the hotel.
I know that panic attacks and phobias can be terrible but as you say the lightning has now stopped she really does need to get a grip on herself and decide what she is going to do.
One of you driving there to pick her up is not an option so what else could she do instead. Give her a few suggestions but keep saying that you can't drive there to pick her up.

thecatsthecats · 23/10/2022 20:54

If she's able to turn her nose up at the hotel, then she's not really in need of rescuing.

She just really wants someone else to sort it out for her, otherwise she'd make do with the hotel. Don't get roped in - panic attacks are awful, I have them myself, but I also manage the situations and aftermath. Because I'm not a child.

PollyPurpose · 23/10/2022 21:11

Todays driving conditions were the worst I’ve ever driven in. I was concerned and consider myself a very confident driver

muchprefersummer · 23/10/2022 21:19

So scared she is having a full on panic attack in front of her kids yet still able enough to turn her nose up at the hotel. Na, fuck that shit. She needs to calm down, have a hot sugary cup of something and drive home or get over herself and stay in the hotel. Bloody ridiculous to ask your DP to get her especially when she has her own DH.

PurplePixies · 24/10/2022 09:39

@Eastie77Returns

Presumably she drove herself home eventually last night?

britneyisfree · 24/10/2022 09:40

I reckon she's still there by the side of the road.

Redrry · 24/10/2022 09:59

I was driving in it and it was quite full on . I knew from the weather forecast that it was highly likely though and I don't have a phobia! Why would you not have taken heed of the forecast if you were that scared! Her poor kids

landyland · 24/10/2022 10:08

Did she drive home in the end?

Why couldn't the husband leave wherever he was for work and go and get her?

I can't believe what a ridiculous fuss they made. If you get stuck in extreme driving conditions (which were forecast), you pull into a services, park up and wait for it to clear. These things never last for long. Why the hell did she stop for lunch?

TheOnlyLivingBoyInNewCross · 24/10/2022 10:14

Those poor kids. Completely unreasonable to expose them to her fear like that. We’ve all been scared as parents but we know our one job is to not communicate that to the children. Up to us to manage it like the adults we are.

OctopusBreath · 24/10/2022 10:26

Lots of misunderstanding of phobias on this thread. I agree that she needs therapy and that it's not good for the kids- But I've had therapy for my phobia, it takes a hell of a long time and a lot of hard work to make any sort of dent in it. It's a physical response, not just an emotional one. And she'll be feeling absolutely horrible for putting her children through that horrible situation.

I was faced with the object of my phobia recently, and my friend, who knows me very well, was shocked by how physical the reaction was. Full on shakes, tears streaming. I was so ashamed, but for me it's like trying to stop a cut from bleeding- I have no control.

thecatsthecats · 24/10/2022 11:28

OctopusBreath · 24/10/2022 10:26

Lots of misunderstanding of phobias on this thread. I agree that she needs therapy and that it's not good for the kids- But I've had therapy for my phobia, it takes a hell of a long time and a lot of hard work to make any sort of dent in it. It's a physical response, not just an emotional one. And she'll be feeling absolutely horrible for putting her children through that horrible situation.

I was faced with the object of my phobia recently, and my friend, who knows me very well, was shocked by how physical the reaction was. Full on shakes, tears streaming. I was so ashamed, but for me it's like trying to stop a cut from bleeding- I have no control.

I understand phobias. Which means it makes it hard for me to believe turning my nose up at a viable alternative to dealing with a phobia.

Because one of the components of phobias for me is shame at my unnecessary and extreme reaction (in my case, to heights/perceived instability). I might call a friend for assurance, but not embarrass myself by asking them to spend 4h on the road in order to sort me out instead of staying in a hotel.

Some phobia reactions are a mixture of genuine fear reactions, and the learned behaviours of how the person deals with the phobia.

This woman's learned response is to make everyone around her drop everything and deal with it, which isn't a great long term solution.

Original poster
Eastie77Returns · 24/10/2022 12:02

After a lot of calls between me, friend and her DH she eventually went to stay at a hotel in Milton Keynes. The lightning and rain stopped but she was very distressed and couldn't face driving home in the dark. We did read the weather forecast before setting out. I saw heavy rain forecast but not a full on storm and lightning until much later in the evening so stopping for lunch was her undoing as she would have made it home before the inclement weather if she drove straight home.

I do understand the comments about her distressing her kids but I can only assume some of you have never been in the grip of a full on panic attack. The impact can last long after the reason for the panic has passed.

OP posts: