Friend called: panic attack driving with her DC in lightning

[Eastie77Returns]

Not sure WTF to do. We went away on a trip for DS’ birthday together with a friend and her 2 DC. We left the birthday venue earlier this afternoon to drive back to London in our separate cars (roughly 3 hr drive). I drove straight home but friend stopped off for lunch. She has called me screaming hysterically that she is still many miles from home and cannot drive because of the lightning which is terrifying her. She has stopped at a service station and is experiencing a panic attack. Her DH is away for work. I don’t know what to do as I think she wants me to drive and get them but she is about 2 hours away. I’ve told her to wait until the lightning stops but she is crying, her DC are crying and I feel terrible!

She's now instilled a fear of lightning in her children as well. Tell her to shut up, pull herself together, and stop terrifying her kids.

Anyway, inside a car is pretty much the safest place to be during a thunderstorm.

Ask her to breath

Big deep breathes

She needs to regain control for her dc and you going anywhere won’t help

Breathe..and breaths not sure how I mixed that up

The lighting is still flashing where I am (East London). There is a Days Inn motel where she is, I’ve suggested she checks in there because she is saying even if the lighting stops she cannot safely drive home in this weather as her nerves are shot to pieces.

This! What an awful position to put her kids in. They'll now have the same fear, or be scared for their mum to drive them anywhere if she is likely to have panic attacks like this

Either stay in the car, or wait for a flash of lightning then go inside. There is no reason for you to go and get her

Well, once she gets home, she needs to put her car up for sale.

Can you get her to call a mental health helpline like The Samaritans or similar? The people answering should hopefully have experience in talking to people experiencing a panic attack and may be able to get her to calm down.

This sounds quite harsh. She is genuinely afraid. I do understand that this is not good for her children.

Disclaimer - I am more than willing to be told this is not the case for everyone.

I have occasional panic attacks, so does my husband (well, he has them quite frequently), so do a couple of my friends. While they are terrifying when you're in the middle of them (or someone close to you is) they tend to pass quite quickly - generally within 10-15 mins IME. I don't think you setting off for two hours to pick her up is going to help.

I would encourage her to go into the service station if possible. Breathing into a paper bag is good advice and helps me. My husband needs to eat something sugary to bring him round - we always have a bag of haribo in the house solely for that reason. Might be worth a try?

I do have to say that people who are saying it's illogical to be scared, she should be the grown up etc etc clearly have no direct experience of this. A proper full on panic attack is not something that can be controlled.

Christ on a bike. She needs to pull herself together be an adult & assure her children that they will be ok. If there is a hotel at the services, she should check in. She shouldn't be on the road. She is a danger to herself, her children and other road users.

Think there are a lot of harsh comments here and a very poor understanding of both the mental and physical symptoms of panic attacks.

This. She shouldn’t be driving on the roads if she’s scared of lightning. Those poor kids.

If she can afford it she should check in hotel and drive back tomorrow when calmed down. If she can't afford it then she'll have to wait till she's feeling calm enough to continue driving.

It's not actually possible to do that in a full blown panic attack. Clearly you have never experienced one. If you had, you would know. Very unhelpful.

The lightning map linked to by TooManyPjs is great. I use it sometimes to see what is happening with a storm.
Either she or you could check it along with weather reports and see what the situation is like where she is.
It sounds like a proper phobia rather than just fear. I wouldn’t like driving in lightning, I know that it isn’t dangerous to be in a car, more that thunder makes me jump. Your friend sounds completely terrified. I think maybe she needs some help long term - perhaps hypnosis ?

Obviously you’re not going to go right?

The lightening will have stopped by the time you get there and if she can calm herself the panic will have passed.

I agree. She can’t just ‘pull herself together’ and she is staying off the road as she recognises she is a danger to other drivers.

I’m not afraid of lightning but I hate driving on the motorway when it’s raining heavily or foggy. I feel an additional level of dread when my DC are in the car in those situations.

She needs to get a grip. Tell her that she needs to sit tight and calm down. Her crying will be what is frightening the kids. I hate driving in torrential rain and when visibility is poor especially on fast roads. Stopping is the best option.

Look up the nearest hotel for her. I would suggest she either drives there if possible or gets a taxi.

I also should have added kids find the map a lot of fun too, so it might be something she could do with her kids while they are waiting.

Christ, the poor kids must be shitting themselves.

Are you still on the phone with her?
Tell her to turn on some music and start singing loudly.
Or sing kids songs loudly.

The storm should pass shortly.

I've suffered from panic attacks for many years.

There is a Days Inn motel on the site of the service station. I’ve told her to try and check in there because she now cannot/will not drive home in the dark and rain.

How can you help? She’d have to drive back behind you. She needs to check in to a motel and rethink car driving with dc generally and how not to scare the dc

Forgot to mention, once she's collected herself a bit, go check into the motel.