Friend called: panic attack driving with her DC in lightning

[Eastie77Returns]

Not sure WTF to do. We went away on a trip for DS’ birthday together with a friend and her 2 DC. We left the birthday venue earlier this afternoon to drive back to London in our separate cars (roughly 3 hr drive). I drove straight home but friend stopped off for lunch. She has called me screaming hysterically that she is still many miles from home and cannot drive because of the lightning which is terrifying her. She has stopped at a service station and is experiencing a panic attack. Her DH is away for work. I don’t know what to do as I think she wants me to drive and get them but she is about 2 hours away. I’ve told her to wait until the lightning stops but she is crying, her DC are crying and I feel terrible!

@Ilovenotebooks I understand what you are saying. But I think it's different from something like spiders. Lightning is dangerous to everyone. It's not something harmless. If you are unlucky, you will be hit. No matter how you feel about it.

If she has such crippling anxiety about lightening I don't why she's on the roads today. It's been forecast.
That said, she can't sit and wait for you on the verge of panic for 2 hrs.
If she is unable to help herself (and really, if she has kids with her, you'd think the instinct to get her kids out of the car, in the warm and car would kick in) then can you call someone at the Services to help her? There must be some sort of assistance there?

We've just got in after driving through what's probably the same storm band, and the conditions were fucking diabolical.

Praise her for making the right decision to pull over somewhere safe, keep reminding her that the storm will pass, and offer to count her breathing.

Staying on the line is (probably) the best thing you can do. Just be there, through the ether, for as long as it takes for her to calm enough to get in to the hotel.

I'd tell her she did the right thing to stop in a safe place.

I would not go to get her because she's two hours away and the storm will be long past by the time you get there.

Stay on the phone for a bit, then hang up, but call again every 15 minutes.

The panic attack can't go on forever. They're exhausting.

When it all blows over, she needs to talk to her doctor about anxiety, possibly medication.

I cannot find a number for the Days Inn or any way to book on her behalf and she doesn’t really want to stay there anyway as she said it looks rough and like a Norman Bates motel(!)

Her husband called to see if DP would be able to get her when he finishes work although it would be at least 9pm before he got to her. I have been advising her re the breathing etc. The lightning has completely stopped thankfully, @2ManyPjs thank you for that map - very useful. I think she will just have to drive home as there is very little realistically that can be done. She did call the RAC but obviously they will not come out as she has not broken down.

Honestly, hats off to you for driving safely through that because it looked absolutely atrocious.

She didn't leave her in that state. Friend got into that state after the op had already left.

I was feeling sorry for her before she asked your DH to drive and get her. She isn’t a damsel in distress, she’s a grown woman and a parent and for the sake of her kids she either needs to book into the hotel or drive home.

If she can't cope with inclement weather then she shouldn't be on the road.

Honestly, the knee jerkers have zero common sense

Agree wholeheartedly with @Hooverphobe wrt 'emotional vomit'..

Your friend needs to address her problem when the dust clears.

Also agree with @Firstruleofsoupover wrt physically giving yourself a panic attack or the effects of one. I did this to myself once trying to breathe through my mouth due to totally blocked sinuses during a massage, lying on my face.

Even if someone drives to get her, they can't drive both cars. Is she just going to abandon hers there?

Struggling with the dh requests for our dp to go. Can’t she just sort out her situation?

It’s madness

She called the RAC? That's ridiculous. Her husband should book her a taxi to the nearest "passable" Hotel and make her reservation, not call your husband to step in.

The whole thing is bonkers.

If she is that scared of lightening, why wouldn't she check the weather forecast before a long drive?

I cannot find a number for the Days Inn or any way to book on her behalf and she doesn’t really want to stay there anyway as she said it looks rough and like a Norman Bates motel

She sounds afraid of everything

Weather was forecast, if she’s so afraid of lightening/driving in the dark, why on earth did she stop for lunch and prolong her trip?

The lightning has stopped, she can either drive home or, if she’s not feeling up to it, check into the hotel at the service station that she’s described as a ‘Norman Bates motel’ to try and guilt you into picking her up so she doesn’t have to pay for it.

The rain and lightning seems to have stopped now (I’m just outside London) obviously depends where she is but just tell her to wait until it’s eased and plan to drive for 20 mins or so then pull off the road to take a break. Shorter or longer depending on how she feels. Stay in slow lane at 50. Keep checking in with you if she needs it and had hands free.

By the time your poor DH finishes work, she could be halfway home or nearer. It’s ludicrous to just wait for someone to come get her who won’t be there until 11pm from what you’ve said if storm has stopped! I can understand being panicked driving while it was happening.

Is she a new driver?

I’ve driven in it. The rain was torrential. You just slow down and adjust. The lightning was flashy, yes. The thunder was loud, yes. As inclement weather goes, it’s the rain, surely, that’s the problem? And the wind? Not the lightning?

I totally agree. Absolutely ridiculous reaction by an adult responsible for children. No one fucking likes lightning and everyone most likely finds it extremely scary but there are things that you just have to do calmly as a parent.

Tbh op I really wouldn't like my friend sharing this situation publically on social media if I had rung her for help in a panic. I hope she doesn't see this thread or she will feel much worse than she already does!

Surely she can drive herself home now the storm has gone? Surely your partner doesn’t have to go and get her?

So what has she done then? Apart from absolutely traumatise her children.

Panic attacks are awful but they pass. Keep her and the kids on the phone and get them singing until she feels ok to take them in to the services.

The song My Favourite Things from Sound of Music is specifically for distracting children from a thunderstorm. Give that a blast.

While they are singing they are breathing regularly which helps calm the panic.

Then when she is calmer they can go indoors and get a hot chocolate and some food and sort themselves out ready to resume the drive when she feels ok.

When all is calm there is a really good video that Richard Hammond did showing that cars are Faraday Cages and therefore incredibly safe in lightning. They actually strike the car with artificially generated lightning while he sits inside. It would be helpful for her and the kids to rationalise things a bit.

She also needs to access some therapy to help her deal with her panic. Hypnotherapy might help or CBT.

Your poor friend. She must be feeling very traumatised.

Try and persuade her to see a hypnotist for a couple of sessions to cure her phobia, before it gets any worse.