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Original poster

Friend called: panic attack driving with her DC in lightning

148 replies

Eastie77Returns · 23/10/2022 17:50

Not sure WTF to do. We went away on a trip for DS’ birthday together with a friend and her 2 DC. We left the birthday venue earlier this afternoon to drive back to London in our separate cars (roughly 3 hr drive). I drove straight home but friend stopped off for lunch. She has called me screaming hysterically that she is still many miles from home and cannot drive because of the lightning which is terrifying her. She has stopped at a service station and is experiencing a panic attack. Her DH is away for work. I don’t know what to do as I think she wants me to drive and get them but she is about 2 hours away. I’ve told her to wait until the lightning stops but she is crying, her DC are crying and I feel terrible!

OP posts:

JabberwockyPie · 23/10/2022 18:31

Can you book her in op? Save her having to talk to the receptionist?

AllThatFancyPaintsAsFair · 23/10/2022 18:34

Ilovenotebooks · 23/10/2022 17:55

I couldn't leave a friend in a state like that. Go and get her.

Don't do that, the logistics are crazy, driving past her on the motorway to turn back on yourself to get to her. Driving wiith extra people in the storm then doing it all again to reclaim the car tomorrow

That's mad

Hooverphobe · 23/10/2022 18:34

She needs to check into that day’s inn, sweep the M&S (at the service station) for snacks and wine. Get the kids in the room. Drink half the wine. Apologise to the kids with “silly mummy”. Have a long, hot bath. Drink more wine. Sleep. Drive home in the morning. Download a fucking weather app. Sell her car. Buy train tickets.

if she’s a danger to the others because “weather” then she needs to get off the roads.

amylou8 · 23/10/2022 18:35

She needs to get a grip. I know how terrifying panic attacks can be, but her poor kids. Go into the service station, have something to drink, and wait it out.

Mamette · 23/10/2022 18:36

blacksax · 23/10/2022 18:15

She's now instilled a fear of lightning in her children as well. Tell her to shut up, pull herself together, and stop terrifying her kids.

Anyway, inside a car is pretty much the safest place to be during a thunderstorm.

Have to agree wholeheartedly with this tbh.

She needs to be reassuring the dc, and putting them first.

Hooverphobe · 23/10/2022 18:36

I’m not saying “silly mummy” to minimise the terror she’s feeling - but to minimise the terror her children are feeling. Part of parenting is NOT emotional vomit our children can’t understand.

Firstruleofsoupover · 23/10/2022 18:37

It is possible to give yourself what paramedics view as a panic attack by overbreathing. I know from experience it's possible to put oneself in this condition by thinking "I can overcome all this by intense deep breathing" and overdo it, then your hands get pins and needles and go completely straight. Not what one needs when in charge of a car. Care with the very deep breathing all please. I had to come onto the slip road off the motorway and diall 999 thinking I had had a heart attack. Paramedics arrived, checks all done, panic attack was the diagnosis.

grapehyacinthisactuallyblue · 23/10/2022 18:40

If she thinks it's too dangerous to drive during lightning, surely she can't expect others to drive either. So if she wants you to go get her, tell her that.
If she's so afraid, then better off staying in a hotel for a night. For them and for others.

AllThatFancyPaintsAsFair · 23/10/2022 18:42

Hooverphobe · 23/10/2022 18:34

if she’s a danger to the others because “weather” then she needs to get off the roads.

I hope you're not suggesting she drives in the morning after drinking a bottle of wine

IhearyouClemFandango · 23/10/2022 18:42

Ah the poor love, what a shitty situation. It will pass soon though

Is this a new fear?

Ilovenotebooks · 23/10/2022 18:42

grapehyacinthisactuallyblue · 23/10/2022 18:40

Phobias don't work like that. Someone who is terrified of spiders knows deep down they are harmless but the fear is still there. They could ask someone else to get rid of the spider as they know they won't get bitten/die but it doesn't mean they can do it themselves.

Hooverphobe · 23/10/2022 18:44

@AllThatFancyPaintsAsFair how big are the bottles YOU buy? 🙄

Allsnotwell · 23/10/2022 18:44

The storm has moved north and off the motorway now. The worse thing she can do is be on the phone - and she needs to seek help. One thing to be frightened and another to scare the kids and sobbing hysterically.

TeaAndJaffacakes · 23/10/2022 18:46

FFS what is with all these comments claiming she shouldn’t ever drive because she’s scared of lightning.
She’s actually handled this quite well. She’s got herself off the road into a place she knows she we feel safer and where she is safe to wait til it’s light and the storm has passed. She’s called a friend for emotional support.
She can’t just turn off her panic response, but she’s managed to keep it under control enough to keep herself and her kids safe.
If you’re ever trying to help someone breathe through a panic attack you should tell them to breathe in for 3 and out for 6 (exact numbers are not that important) - you want to prevent/reverse hyperventilation by having them take in less oxygen. Breathing into a bag is the same principle but you don’t need the bag if you can do it just by counting. So the point is - slow breaths not just deep breaths.

IstillloveU · 23/10/2022 18:50

Aw. You need to calm her down. If it's a fear, it's a fear and telling her the rights or wrongs of that fear is not going to help her. The storm will pass over soon and it will stop. She can then go into the service station and ask for help (in case her phone runs out of battery) and then she should check in somewhere for the night. Yes, I know her children are going to be terrified seeing their Mum terrified but it is what it is and there's no point crying over spilt milk right now. She needs to calm herself down somehow. Is there anyone else who might drive up to meet her for the night to soothe her a little?
I have some genuine fears and they can be overwhelming. I feel for her.

NormalNans · 23/10/2022 18:51

The panic attack will pass, as will the lightning. To slow the panic she needs to slow her breathing, find her a link on YouTube and send it to her to practice with the kids. The best thing she can do then is go into the service station and get a drink for her and the kids and focus her attention elsewhere.

Don’t go and get her, that will not help in the longer term because she will internalise a message that she can’t cope and needs to be rescued. She can cope, she’s made good decisions so far and just needs to wait it out. She will feel better and then she can get on with her journey, maybe put some music on loudly for her and the kids for them to sing to together for the rest of the journey.

Buttons294749 · 23/10/2022 18:52

I dont love driving in the rain etc. In her shoes i would check into the hotel and return tomorrow. I had a panic attack for literally no reason once, i was able to control my actions but you defo need to rest after the shot of adrenaline

Clymene · 23/10/2022 18:58

She needs to check into the hotel and check the weather before she leaves London again. This storm has been widely forecast.

Theydoyaknow · 23/10/2022 18:58

The poor kids. Christ Almighty can you imagine the panic they would have felt thinking they were going to die and get struck by lightning and her screaming hysterically down the phone for you to come and save her. I don't care HOW afraid you are you don't so that to your kids. Before anyone waffles on about phobia's...I have a very irrational one that completely consumes me, my kids know I am afraid but I have never, ever acted like this even though I was screaming on the inside.

Istolethecookies · 23/10/2022 19:02

Agree, she needs to check into the hotel. I would stay on the phone with her whilst you convince her to leave the car, tell her she needs to do it for her kids and she will feel so much safer once she's inside the hotel and can get into bed and let the adrenaline settle. Maybe you could phone the hotel and ask if someone working there can come and help get her and the kids inside?

Emelene · 23/10/2022 19:04

I hope they have stopped at the hotel.

When you can I think you should show her this -
www.gov.uk/anxiety-and-driving
i think it’s fair to say her anxiety is impacting her driving so she needs to report herself to the DVLA. What if she couldn’t pull over easily when lightning started?
she sounded very distressed. How scary for her children. Do you know what help she is getting for her panic attacks?

IstillloveU · 23/10/2022 19:07

Tell her to tell the children that they're going on an adventure because the thunder and lightening is a really good thing to happen. Depending on their ages, it might work.

Fordian · 23/10/2022 19:07

She needs to stop driving and get some professional help, til she can cope with 'weather'.

Her DC aren't safe with a parent who becomes so hysterical in the face of what will become ever more 'normal', sudden, heavy thundery squalls.

She needs to learn how to cope.

Hugasauras · 23/10/2022 19:10

Poor kids They must be scared.

I think she needs to check into the hotel, stick the kids in front of TV with snacks and go into bathroom and try to get herself under control. If she can't, she needs to seek medical help (or her husband will just have to be summoned from wherever he is, or her parents or whoever is able to assist).

Salome61 · 23/10/2022 19:13

I do hope she managed to book in, poor woman, poor kids seeing their Mum so scared.

I've become nervous of lightning when I read about the poor the woman who was struck and killed by lightning on the beach in Croatia. Take care everyone.

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