What did '14' look like for you?

[Echobelly]

Out oldest is 14 and a bit now and I've been struck by how different people's experience of this age can be. I was talking to a friend I hadn't seen for years and he asked me where 14yo was going out drinking with mates and that is so far from anything they or their mates would do at the moment, though I know some mates' experience of being 14 was drinking, having sexual partners, maybe even clubbing. And still is for some kids (but I wonder if fewer these days?). Mine was not having many mates, and probably still mostly doing things with my family. No interest in boys, or girls - in fact wasn't ready for a relationship until my early 20s.

Current 14 year old likes visiting historical sites, doing weird make-up, making tiktos, has had a pretty innocent starter relationship (mostly during COVID, but they did get kissing in at the end). But drink and sex not on their agenda or their friends, far as I can tell.

14 for me was similar to you I think. Had a small group of friends, went shopping cinema etc with them. I had a paper round. No interest in dating (I did fancy people but was too shy to do anything about it).
had sleepovers at friends houses but didn’t really start drinking at those till we were 15 going on 16.

there were people in my class who were out drinking and having sex but I wasn’t one.

For me it was spending time with friends, clothes shopping and music. For my 14 year old it’s clothes, make up, shopping and friends and lots of talking about boys plus lots of time on TikTok but not much more. Some people in her school year are doing things with boys and drinking but she’s not quite there yet.

One of mine was hanging out around the skate park, trying his luck with girls and dabbling with vaping etc. the occasional contraband cider I suspect but never saw him pissed at 14.

The other was in lockdown, so spent all his time gaming online.

Pubs and clubs with older friends. Didn't drink much though. Relationships with 19/20 years olds. A bit screwy! Didn't relate to my peers at all. I was too "weird "

14 was hell for me, bullied, no friends, only left the house for school (when I couldn’t skive).

15 I started drinking, going to gigs, hanging out in pubs (mid 90s).

When my ds was 14 he sat in his room gaming. It’s only in the last two years he’s started going out (he’s 20 now).

At 14 I was going to the cinema or the fair. Also to the market and buying makeup and pieces of lace to wear in my hair (Madonna like a Virgin times). We would follow boys around town.
My dad would take me to the pub. I’d occasionally go to a house party or we’d drink in the park. A lot of my Saturday nights were spent watching Blind Date.

It wasn't too bad. Largely peaceful at home because she had taken to her bed about a year previously with a bad back/serious painkiller usage, so I wasn't being hit anymore and I could take my time going home after school/leave early because she couldn't do anything to stop me.

Refused to do homework at home because I preferred doing it in either lunchtime detention in winter (it was warm and dry in there) or, once they realised that was the appeal, the library or IT room with mates.

No money at all, so couldn't do anything interesting, but the canteen ladies were nice and would say 'oh, I'm turning my back, I do hope nobody takes those bacon rolls on a plate that I've left out' at 7.50am when I started arriving.

My evenings were making myself something to eat, watching TV and feeding the animals.

14 was listening to Leonard Cohen in a darkened bedroom post my parents' divorce and not liking my mother's new partner.

Shopping - I still find shopping a cheer me up at 62.

Rotaract, YC's and Pony Club. An interest in boys but nothing naughty. It was much easier to buy a drink in a pub or bar and smoking was a rite of passage. At 16 every party had booze.

This was mid 70s.

My 14 year old were into sport in an organised way, far more into music - one classical. There was no drinking. However by 16 there were far more gatherings, usually at people's houses. My DS knew every corner shop across SW London where booze could be bought and put in a plain bag. Of course they had the internet, computer games and phones. This was 10 years ago.

At 14 I still played with my barbies! Can't believe how babyish that sounds!! None of my friends knew - I packed them away if friends came round! Spent almost every Friday night having a sleepover with my best friend. Lots of tv like Dawson creek (I was obsessed!). Hours of ballet lessons. Maybe a trip to town on a Saturday morning with my best friend to buy Mac Donald's and stuff from the body shop!

Drinking alcopops, texting boys, sometimes meeting up and snogging/touching, ‘sleepovers’ where we sent dodgy photos on MSN, putting on too much make up/body spray and going to an under 18s night once a month at our local night club. Good times.

I was at a very academic all girls school and mainly it was about GCSEs and researching future paths. Lots of sleepovers and shopping with girlfriends but no boys. Friends and ER were the in shows. I’d read in Just 17 and Sugar about girls my age who dated but not many people I knew did yet, at least in any serious sort of way.

I was listening to music and fancying boys and buying stuff in TopShop with my friends. Way too scared/shy to actually have a boyfriend though.
my dds are similar age now and very similar but less into music, more into tiktok. Sign of the times! I know some of their friends are drinking, snogging etc but mine aren’t there yet which is good - the longer they stay away from that the better imo.
i loved being 14 - it’s a nice mix of grown up but not too grown up.

I was totally immature- also still played with Barbies! Spent a lot of time reading. I had a few close friends and we would go to each other's houses or walk into the small town but that was about the extent of my social life.

I have a 12 year old. She is also quite immature and doesn't venture far from the house.

Great group of friends, male and female. Under age drinking but very careful, never drunk and pub with older friends. School was fine, I was average, had decent teachers a good laugh.

I am so envious reading some of these! My teenage years (and childhood), was just very lonely, putting one foot in front of the other, getting though the day and willing it to be over. All stress. Adulthood not been much different to be fair.

I had a lot of boyfriends at 13 and again at 15 and 16 but none when I was 14. I was into music, doing my homework shopping and my friends.
I had been travelling independently from the south east suburbs into central London for a few years and when I was 14 I liked to meet my cousin in Covent Garden and walk around.

At 14 I had a weekly paper round delivering a local free paper.
I saw my best friend most weekends on Saturday afternoon and looked round the shops.
Normally spent Saturday morning grocery shopping with my mum followed by having a cup of tea and a slice of cake at a tea shop.
Used to listen to music in my bedroom, did those wash in wash out hair colours. Watched TV in lounge with parents- only one TV.
Wired telephone was also in lounge - no privacy! Also shared a room.with younger sister who had my little pony posters on her side of the room and I had Aha posters on my side, I was very cross about having to share with her.
Had no money and couldn't afford many clothes so although I cared about fashion didn't really get to participate in it!
I remember being full of teenage angst and insecurity , didn't really like being a teenager tbh.

Things did get better socially the year after I was 14 when I met the crowd who became my best friends while doing a musical at school. I didn't go out much until 16 in part because I was very small and looked very young for my age. I'd never have got in anywhere before then. My 14yo is taller much more mature looking, could definitely pass for 16, but isn't taking advantage of that (yet)

I think it varíes so much! I’ve been a bit shocked at the attitudes of some friends about their 14yos and underage drinking, saying things like “well it’s the time they all start doing it isn’t it” and a good friend of mine let’s her 14yo have her boyfriend stay over in her room. Mine thankfully hasn’t got a boyfriend yet, has been tipsy at a wedding once and I am sure has occasionally tried drinking/vaping with friends, but nothing major at least that I am aware of!

At that age I was a total nerd, obsessed with animals and saving the world one morello Cherry lip balm at a time 😁

I was hanging out with my boyfriend, my (male) best mate and his Gf. We had a lot of laughs together and life was good. Then it all changed. Best mate's GF moved to the other side of the country when her parent split up, which left BM heartbroken so didn't see him outside of school much and then my Bf was killed in an accident. What started off as a year of joy ended in heartbreak.

Fairly tame really.Went shopping with my friend on Saturdays ,Watched TV and visited my DGP where I would stay over .Riding our bikes and listening to music. Did have a crafty cigarette and a few sips of Cider the odd time but didnt really like it

I would go into my local town centre on my own and window shop and I think at about 14 I was allowed to do the same in central London - I was very savvy on how to get around. My 14yo does the same themselves if they can't get hold of friends, but luckily, despite my worries (they are unconventional like I was) they have done much better than either DH or I at the start of secondary and made a lovely group of friends.

Drink, sex, boyfriends and parties. My Mum would think I was a saint she didn’t have a clue. I still enjoyed family meals, holidays and other family outings. I don’t think it matters which way your child is, I’m married in a secure relationship, two children so obviously didn’t harm me.

14 was pretty awful in lots of ways for me. My dad was ill and needed looking after lots of the time. Mum was working full time and struggling to cope. Loads of strsss in our house and lots of arguments.

I wasn’t a wild child. Had my first boyfriend then but just lots of going for a walk/ listening to music/ kissing. I had tasted cider but drinking was not a regular thing. Small group of friends, I wasn’t very popular at school and got bullied most of my high school years.

I hadn’t even held a boy’s hand at that age, though my best friend was pregnant with a 21 year old (no statutory rape charge at the time).

Within a year I was drinking and smoking cannabis in the park and snogging lads.

My kids were not as rebellious as me, thank goodness.