What did '14' look like for you?

[Echobelly]

Out oldest is 14 and a bit now and I've been struck by how different people's experience of this age can be. I was talking to a friend I hadn't seen for years and he asked me where 14yo was going out drinking with mates and that is so far from anything they or their mates would do at the moment, though I know some mates' experience of being 14 was drinking, having sexual partners, maybe even clubbing. And still is for some kids (but I wonder if fewer these days?). Mine was not having many mates, and probably still mostly doing things with my family. No interest in boys, or girls - in fact wasn't ready for a relationship until my early 20s.

Current 14 year old likes visiting historical sites, doing weird make-up, making tiktos, has had a pretty innocent starter relationship (mostly during COVID, but they did get kissing in at the end). But drink and sex not on their agenda or their friends, far as I can tell.

I do think being on a sports team really helps both of mine, DD in particular, because even though she wanted to experiment at14/15, she didn’t want anything to jeopardize her place on the team, IYSWIM. Fitness was still more important than drink/drugs.

14 for me was spending a lot of time in my room, all about my friends, going on shopping trips, exploring makeup, music. Wasn't interested in boys or drinking. I was very innocent and I'm so gld I was.. 14 year olds are kids.

At 14 I spent a lot of time in my room listening to my Travis and Alanis Morissette CDs. I had no good friends and had never kissed anyone. Going to the local shopping centre, mooching round topshop and buying a magazine and maybe a McDonald's was the height of my social life. In case you were wondering, I was not cool 😅

This for me too

I was stuck in a rural area not allowed to take the bus by myself. I did go out meet friends but I had to be driven everywhere or be picked up. It got much better when I got a bit older.

14 was the last proper year of childhood for me, because at 15 I got a Saturday job, started smoking and drinking, and kissed a boy for the first time.

So at 14...I had a paper round, had the occasional sleepover and met friends in town for shopping or cinema, spent a lot of time in my room reading Sweet Valley High and listening to the top 40 taped off the radio. All very tame still.

My parents would have you believe I went off the rails at 14 but I was at home every night doing homework, forced to go to church on Sunday, working Saturday in a shop and only a couple of friends who I socialised with in our own homes! Didn't stop them searching my school bag and room every day though. No idea what they were looking for or when I was meant to be getting up to mischief! I left home as soon as I could because of their mistrust of me.

I think it also gives them focus for their spare time where there's actually an activity at the heart of it rather than just hanging around, so if you're a bit shy or a bit uncool (see 14 year old me on both counts), it doesn't really matter. You've still got somewhere to go and something to be involved in, and the camaraderie that comes with the team sport. DD is friends with people from her sport that are completely different to her school friends, so it really extends her world.

Me: grew up in central London, was buzzing around on my scholar travelcard around Covent garden, Oxford street, etc. Was ok at school, veering on the nerdy side, bullied though, but had some ok friends. Had been very sporty, but also had long recuperation from surgery and never got back into competitive swimming and netball. Sounds not bad, but my dad had stopped working through ill health - not insured - so dm had gone out to work (and gave up her studies to do so), and my older DB had gone to uni. He was my best friend and confidant, and I missed him terribly. Younger sister and I squabbled a lot. I was quite insecure, had to look after my dad a lot. Very skint after dad stopped working, but my and 2 of my 3 siblings all went to university, all expenses paid.

DS - 14 - growing up in moderate size Yorkshire village. Stable family unit, comfortable but not many foreign holidays. Bit sporty, bit musical. Comfortable in his nerdiness. Can just about get the bus to school by himself, when it turns up, otherwise fairly reliiant on lifts to best friend's house, orchestra. Only 1 sibling. Healthy parents (🤞), who both work. Grandmother half a mile away. Not really familiar with our nearest towns, let alone any cities!!

Also at 14 - neither ds or I had the slightest interest in sex, alcohol, smoking or any kind of vice at all.

14 for me was few friends and pretty much neglected by my parents - I wasn't guided when it came to hygiene and self care, which probably fed into the lack of friends

I came into my own at 18

14 for me - big group of mixed sex friends. Ice skating, roller skating, trying to get served in pubs, smoking, trying weed. I had a Saturday job and got really into fashion and we would spend summer days during the holidays hanging out in different parts of London and getting the train out to the Kent coast for the day. Also had my fair share of falling out with friends and boyfriend troubles but on the whole, it was the start of ten years of having a blast.

I liked 14. I liked school, and after school I did guides, ballet, gymnastics and went for sleepovers with my friends. I started going to gigs around then but someone's parents would drop us off and pick us up. I had kissed one boy by 14 but wasn't that bothered by boys tbh yet.

I was at a private all girls school, so it was mostly homework. I helped out at guides one night a week, went to a pub quiz with my parents one night a week and played hockey and girls football. I used go to the swimming pool on a Friday night as they did a session with music and floats etc for teens. Sometimes went into town with friends or had sleepovers. None of us really had boyfriends until we were 15/16. I had the occasional drink with my parents at home or at the pub. Pretty wholesome and innocent really. 6th form and uni was when life got more exciting!

I was also listening to music a lot - oddly, I seemed to be one of the few people in my year group who was a youngest child, not at oldest, so I listening to what my siblings were listening to - Pixies, Primal Scream, Talking Heads, some rave stuff - and everyone else was listening to NKOTB and Vanilla Ice. As I said, it was just that I had older siblings, not because was extra sophisticated or anything.

14yo's generation seem a bit less into music scenes per se, and more into a general 'aesthetic' - they are quite into some LGBTQ punk bands, which bodes well for an interesting music taste at least. In fact they were star struck as they run into two members of a favourite band near our house the other day, and when they messaged them on tiktok, said they are in the area quite a lot!

I was drinking in parks, had loads of mates, went to gigs and pubs and lost my virginity at 14. Took drugs. Had a whale of a time!

I was having a lot of headaches.
I think now I was over studying.

14 I was into indie and grunge music. Me and my friends had started a 'band' and we used to sit round my friend's house singing. I fancied a lad who was 19 but we only ever kissed. I also smoked but didn't like it.

@Cameleongirl I agree. I remember reading a book about raising boys which emphasised the role of a male mentor outside of the family.
All of mine were extremely fortunate to have these extra role models in their lives , so much more than the physical sport, it was the team work, camaraderie, not wanting to lose their place etc. With a hobby/club/activity that needed a level of commitment/fitness etc, they also were very anti drugs, smoking etc.
They weren’t angels, there was definitely some underage drinking after matches but not at 14.

I was in hospital receiving experimental treatment for my cancer diagnosis. That was all of my teenage years tbh and I feel as if I missed out on the typical teenage activities. I went from being a child to an adult without any middle bit.

I'm still here though with no relapse so it was worth it.

We'd get train to the big local town, see a movie, eat at Burger King and try on clothes we couldn't afford at 14 to 16. DD was 14 at the start of thr pandemic so missed all that, but DS is almost 14 and is out at the movies right now and will come on the bus shortly.

I was a shy quiet kid so I definitely wasn't going to parties or drinking. I didn't have a boyfriend until I was 16.

My DS is 14 now, he's more popular than I was at that age but his mates don't really do "parties" they go to each other's houses and game, or go round town.

Exactly, @Knittingnanny2 . It doesn’t need to be a sport, my cousin’s son (also 14) is really involved in a club that gives him a different set of friends from his school friends and male role models in addition to his Dad (who’s great too).

I had an absolute blast at 14. I had a really big group of friends of boys and girls. We had parties every weekend, lots of drinking, we dabbled in drugs and kissed lots of boys.

I think I was a ‘typical’ 14 year old growing up in the early noughties.

I never went through a rebellious stage, I got on with my parents, respectful, was doing well at school, good group of friends.

I had a Saturday job which meant I always had money to spend at the weekend.
We’d sometimes go to the cinema, or go into ‘big town’ on the Sunday, where we’d all meet for a McDonalds, then off to Superdrug to look at make up/spray impulse body spray.

More often then not, a lot of Fri/Sat eve was spent just hanging around the park or in an abandoned bus shelter, huddled up chatting, messing around, showing off to the boys we fancied, smoking a crafty cigarette, sometimes we’d club together enough to get a bottle of Caribbean Twist to share.

Occasionally, there would be a U18 disco somewhere, everyone would go. I still remember being excited that the boy I fancied at school was going. It was a big social event and me and my pals would spend days planning our outfits.
The discos were always such a good laugh. We pretty much just spent the night dancing, messing around and snogging boys.

Most weekends were pretty uneventful really and I think it was an innocent time, before mobiles and social media.
We never did drugs, most of us had only snogged boys, we didn’t cause any trouble, even though I’m sure to some passers-by’s, we were all walking asbos.

I look back at those years fondly.