What did '14' look like for you?

[Echobelly]

Out oldest is 14 and a bit now and I've been struck by how different people's experience of this age can be. I was talking to a friend I hadn't seen for years and he asked me where 14yo was going out drinking with mates and that is so far from anything they or their mates would do at the moment, though I know some mates' experience of being 14 was drinking, having sexual partners, maybe even clubbing. And still is for some kids (but I wonder if fewer these days?). Mine was not having many mates, and probably still mostly doing things with my family. No interest in boys, or girls - in fact wasn't ready for a relationship until my early 20s.

Current 14 year old likes visiting historical sites, doing weird make-up, making tiktos, has had a pretty innocent starter relationship (mostly during COVID, but they did get kissing in at the end). But drink and sex not on their agenda or their friends, far as I can tell.

14 for me was going up to the stables as soon as I was back from school and spending all day on the weekends and school holidays in the countryside. I had two ponies that I absolutely adored. I would be there in all weather. Even on Christmas Day, I had to be dragged away from the ponies for my dinner and to open presents. My mum and dad didn't really see me apart from in school uniform or my riding stuff.

DS aged 14 has spent the weekend playing on his sports team , on his playstation and making films with Lego. Pretty typical for him. He's also come up to me for several hugs. He's still innocent and not interested in parties it drink. My nephew though was having sex at this age and had been arrested for taking drugs by 15.

14 for me was shopping, sleepovers and dancing competitions.

Awful. 14/15 were the worst years of my life actually. Drugs, drinking, depression. But still getting straight As at school and all my family and teachers thought I was fine. There was a lot of very sad background to that. I feel oddly... envious? of all these normal teens leading innocent lives, and very sorry to those of you that were also having a shit time at that age

14 was hanging out with friends, usually in cold parks drinking cheap cider and smoking cigarettes. Sex was more 15 onwards for me but it was so common for us to be hanging around with guys 18+ in age.

Is that still a thing? 14/15 year old girls going out with/shagging/snogging 18 year old lads? If my 15 year old was hanging out with guys that age it'd be hugely frowned upon nowadays!

I had a much older boyfriend and a full time job. Was doing it all- sex, smoking, drugs. Thank goodness my own 14 year old spends most of his time gaming, looking up memes and playing his guitar!

Me at 14: OBSESSED with the thought of getting a boyfriend. Think I had my first snog at this age during a game of spin the bottle. A little bit of drinking, a dabbling in smoking - both very short lived. Spent most weekends mooching around town spending small amounts of pocket money.

My sons, who turn 14 in January: honestly can’t imagine any of the above happening unless they both have a huge personality change! They’re both what I consider immature for their age, but tbh so are all their friends. I’m not actually sure they are immature of if they just are compared to me at their age. But, they are definitely on the young side, I think this is in part due to their Y7 being in lockdown. They never really had that transition to secondary school.

First proper boyfriend.
Babysitting job.
Parties and drinking.
Friends were everything.
Make up and clothes.
Music.
Also into netbal, hockey, running and drama.
Loved it.

We were still probably little girls at that age but trying to grow up.
Long hair and short skirts
I actually enjoyed most of school (apart from the gym teacher) although I was quite naughty in class.
we did have a lot of homework which kept us occupied
I did have a friend who was a boy who I used to play the piano with and played tennis with. I was very fond of him. Had besties too.
Had great parents although they were pretty strict with us. Of course as teenagers we only noticed how strict they were. Totally and appreciative

Think when I was 14 was when I had 'crushes' on boys at school but wouldn't dare tell anyone, also feeling like a little girl and enjoying being protected by family and them helping me make decisions
But also wanting to be popular and cool and trendy like my peers.

I find it funny how in some ways, the 14 year olds I know are so much more mature than I was at that age (makeup, hair, fashion - the most expensive thing I owned at that age was a Jack Wills hoodie, but now they're wearing trainers which cost more than my car!)
And yet in other ways, they're very "immature" - they don't seem anywhere near as Worldly as I was at that age and spend most of their time either at home with their parents and chatting to friends on Snapchat etc, or at a friends house watching a film. There isn't the getting drunk in a field or sneaking into a club anymore (as there wasn't when I was 14 to be honest)

Class a drugs, being an unpaid babysitter to my cousins that I lived with running the streets eventually being in care and going home with random men for somewhere to sleep worst year of my life actually!

14 for me was all about rock concerts, drinking, reading as much subversive literature as I could get my hands on, and snogging boys (nothing more than a fumble and kissing).

I’d work hard at school (loved being organised about homework and note taking) and had also been working since 13, first at the riding stables and then in a care home, but in my free time I’d go to any gig I could get into in the towns and cities nearby and would even take the train or coach to London (2.5hrs away) on my own or with a friend the same age. We’d get drunk and meet dubious people there and snog boys. I blush to think of it now!

My parents would also go away for the weekend and leave me home alone. I’d get some beers/alco-pops in, a decent bit of hash, and enjoy living like a rock star, then clean up just in time for their return and act all angelic!

14 in 1991. At a girls' school. Lots of parties with the boys from the boys" school. Drinking, smoking, lots of snogging, bad fingering and bad hand jobs. Sex came a year later for most. We could get into the pubs and clubs back then too. But did normal things like riding, netball, drama. I was at a quite academic school, so school work kept us busy too.

I spent every spare minute at the local riding stable
When I wasn't there I was pretty much playing out at the park all day or maybe in my
Room
Reading
I was pretty boring I think

Spots, unrequited crushes, bad poetry.

Playing out on the streets or the park still! Winding security guards up in little Tesco pretending to shoplift. Riding BMX. Running round the pub, not in an attempt to drink but to do as many loops round before we got kicked out youth club. Hanging around grave yards. Think I first kissed a boy at 14 too. And first cigarette. Hanging out in the chicken shop and cafe. Under 18s nights at a club in town which my mum didn't know about because she said the club was too rough back in her day. Fair amount of just walking round town centre. Liked the ice disco. Would fall out with friends a lot. But not for long. Was mad for rap. Knew the lyrics to everything and would write them everywhere. Wrote songs in lessons with my best friend and performed them at youth club Was a fun time with good memories but I do remember feeling quite sad in an existential way.

At 14 I was quiet, studious, short and flat chested with limited interest in boys. Never had a drink. Went shopping and to the cinema with friends.

15 was an entirely different story.

Loved being 14. It was all about going to the cinema, playing sport, hanging out with friends, trying hard and doing well at school. No social media pressures back then. If we ever had a disagreement we made up quickly enough.

Great branch of friends. School was good. My parents were quite well off so I spent the summer with relatives abroad. Tried alcohol but didn’t like it, still don’t. Had my first sexual experience. Learnt to drive on my grandparents farm. No drama at home. Happy days.

Bunch of friends

Saturday job at local hairdressers
Babysitting
Dying my hair.
Sleepovers with friends
Shopping in town, bodyshop, Mark One, Topshop, Miss Selfridge, Camden Lock.
Listening to The Stone Roses.
Spin the bottle.
Snogging boys (no sex yet)
The start of parties,trying smoking, drinking (no drugs yet)
Did well at school
Got on well with my parents
Spent most of my time with my best friend. When we weren't together we were usually chatting on the land line 🤣

More or less the same.
Underage sex.
Not crazy drinking but friends did and we put ourselves in daft situations. We shudder when we think about it.

However I got fabulous grades, never in trouble, did great at uni/work. Good job, stable relationship age 17- present day (married 24) and a lovely group of mates who are doing well!

Same for me! I was very adventurous as a teenager, had sex with my first bf (15yo) at 14, don't regret it and we've remained friends for 25 years. Bit of drinking, no drugs yet. My parents didn't know and I was the friend in my group that all the parents thought was the Good one as I did well at school. Worked a treat.

My experience was much like yours, small town, school, family home life, no relationships which my df absolutely would not have tolerated. I'd started to get attention from local boys and he blamed me.

I did have a job, and had started to buy clothes but I wasn't allowed makeup. I had a school friend that I was allowed to go and see at weekends, until df discovered her mum was 'living in sin' with one of the men from his work who was senior to him, so that was stopped. Rebellion struck 2 years later and I left home for good just after my 18th birthday.

My DS can go wherever he likes, has sports activities etc. but he's happy to be at home, not interested in girls or clothes yet, although one of the girls in his class has suddenly acquired a name. 😀