Tell me why you've had to end a friendship

[heartbroken22]

Even if it was small one.

Friend of about 10 years. We had a crazy time in our early twenties (clubbing, drinking etc) and when I started to calm down in my late twenties and stopped going out as much, got married and stopped bad habits, she hated it. As my life got happier and healthier she would drag me back towards bad decisions and question me on why I was doing things that made me happy. I tried writing her a letter about it all and how I felt but she didn't listen, so I stopped talking to her.

Friend went through difficult 12 months - relationship broke up , was suspended from work , hid that from adult children , depression and some money problems . I supported her 100% , always there for text or chat , saw her weekly , paid more often for lunch or coffee out and just let her talk about it all - was found to be not guilty of the allegation at work / returned all settled down .

18 months later - I had 2 pets die within 3 months of each other , a medical issue became more serious , huge family fall out which has never been resolved - depression sunk in for me , could not lift myself out - she never even text rang or saw me for 5 months , was then really offended when I said I'd have appreciated some support , end of friendship

I ended one because I was sick of being second to everything. She was and is man mad, so any random came before me. She had no morals. She judged everyone all the time when she was the one using sex to get a man to pay for her. She always thought she knew better or was better than everyone. And the kicker was she thought I should be happy with the crumbs of friendship. My life instantly became better.

It seems a very common theme that one party is doing all the giving/caring but when they are in need of some support one day the 'friend ' is no where to be seen. That tallies with my experience. I just thought, what happens if I get a serious illness, a bereavement, something happens to my kids.... I'll feel like I can't tell you for fear of you making me feel worse! This was a long time formerly close friend, not a casual buddy and I thought I couldn't really trust her again so what's the point.

Because she always needed to be centre of attention - to the point she'd fake panic attacks if she felt there wasn't enough focus on her.

She'd also sulk if I'd been out with other friends, although it was fine for her to see other friendship groups.

One day I decided I'd just had enough and that a friendship shouldn't be such hard work. It was a shame because we had, had a lot of fun in the past and when not so totally needy, she was a lovely person.

For it becoming increasingly one sided and me growing a backbone and stopping people thinking they could treat me badly because of all the excuses in The world.

This friend bitches about everyone, gossips about everyone ( she has a job that means she meets a lot of local people ), tells me stuff I don't want to know about people . I therefore have a hugely strong gut feeling that she is doing the same about me. I am not myself around her and tell her nothing . She is also a user, it's very one sided and I have helped her out numerous times. It's a very one-sided relationship. I feel much less stressed without her in my life, but it's difficult as she's lives close by.

Also she's playing the system hugely which makes me so angry .

I'm another that got fed up with always being the one doing the listening to the latest drama. Then just into the first lockdown now-ex-friend texted to see how we were. I answered, suggesting meeting when we could, and that was it. No answer. She rattled my cage, got a response and that was it. I didn't bother following up.

What about you, OP?

Are you writing an article by any chance?

The last straw was friend joined me to a group chat without asking. I messaged her and said I would do the thing she was asking for but would leave the chat as feeling overwhelmed and very sad about something I didn’t want to talk about.

She asked what it was about? l i told her it related to my daughter and not my story to tell.

A few days later I put a post up on Facebook saying my daughter’s Instagram and tiktok account had been hacked and that recent posts were not from my daughter so could people report to get them taken down.

Friend posted publicly What this the thing you were upset about? Well no, it wasn’t, it something far worse. I messaged her asking where was her integrity? That was prying. She got nasty .I told her I would unfriend her and I did. No regrets.

BF of 12 years. My soul sister.

I got married in December, had invited her and her DP.
Four days before, after ignoring my messages for 3 weeks (very usual), she messages saying she cannot make it.

She’d come to my hen and had the date 18 months prior so no excuses really.

To me, it feels like someone died this year. I am so confused and bewildered that anyone would do that to someone. Utterly bizarre and doesn’t make sense.

*very UNusual

A friend since I was 12! She was an alcoholic and vindictive crazy bitch. Even though she had a good side was so smart and held sienna job as a solicitor. The final straw was when I heard she was going around accusing her husband of physical assault which has he admitted wasn't true when I confronted her. That was it fir me.

I hear you. No offence to anyone bereaved but it does feel exactly like someone has died. My bf changed into someone unrecognisable. The old friend is gone. Even if I was to get back in touch, it wouldn't be with the same version of her I was friends with. The bond is broken.

She liked it when I was down - nasty divorce, DS self harming, my DSis had a car crash (she’s fine thanks goodness) - and couldn’t do enough to lend a listening ear. She didn’t seem pleased when things took a better turn in life when I got a big work promotion and started earning much more money. Snide comments about my new clothes and when I took my DS out of local school and sent to private school. Plenty of passive aggressive comments about not agreeing with paying for education. Final straw was when in the same week my DD got an offer for Cambridge and some extensive building work on our home was completed. She turned her nose up at the work that had been done and made more snide comments. This was enough for me and I told her to her face that she had become a joysucker.

I called her my best friend but one day I realised she really wasn't. She couldn't grow as a person, everything was everyone else's fault, never hers. She became more and more angry as she stayed in her dead end job and saw others around her move on in their career and earn more. She simply was never wrong so would never take on board constructive criticism at work.

Then started all the comments on things I'd buy 'Wow that SO expensive!' she would say and I ended up not telling her about items I bought as she'd always go on about the cost.

Finally I found out about a few times where she told me fundamental lies and I couldn't get over that. I cut her off. She has tried to contact me a few times, one message made it clear she was still the angry, resentful person I cut off years before.

Hours and hours of offloading onto me, everything about him. We both got ill at the same time with covid- he had a blocked nose, I was quite unwell (not dangerously but very unpleasant). Cue hours long conversations about him, endless texts about him, tears about how lonely isolation would be (I was alone too), consternation about how he couldn't bear to not go into work- the job he had offloaded about for hours and hours over weeks and had several grievances outstanding. Perhaps I should have cut back contact sooner and perhaps the free therapy was his way of coping with life but I tired of the selfishness, oversensitivity and lack of resilience. Didn't ghost or tell him why, just stopped providing the service and he never twigged/ cared to start talking about other things.

A newish friend who I met through mutual friends. We had similar interests and she supported me through a bereavement, for which I'll always be grateful. But I remember always being on edge when out with her - she could be incredibly rude to people, not right to their faces, but making comments as she walked out of shops etc. Maybe she didn't realise they could still hear her. She would flake on me regularly, there was constant drama with her living arrangements, but one day she suggested we buy a house together. This wasn't because she thought I'd be a good housemate, but because she knew I had a hefty deposit to buy my own place whereas she was in a crappy job and not saving anything (entirely her own doing). We lived 250 miles apart but she'd always wanted to move down here. I would be the cash cow, basically. I just didn't respond to that but after she let me down repeatedly (including after I changed plans to accommodate her) I told her to GTF and why. She did reply, probably with yet more crappy excuses, but I deleted the text before reading it. I haven't missed her, which says it all.

I live in a popular holiday destination. It's amazing how it shows up the people who just want to use you for a free holiday. I've culled a couple more friendships as a result of being treated like holiday accommodation/transport. I do the inviting now.

Yep and completely unrealistic expectations of what I could sort in her life. Hissy fit when I didn’t immediately set her up with a friend who was completely bereft after losing his wife 2 months before. Dismissive and minimising of my issues to shut me up so she could continue discussing her own issues. She had a lot of serious interpersonal issues because she had extremely rigid ideas about everything really. But at the end of the day I had managed the friendship for years with good boundaries and it was only when I was really struggling myself that I wasn’t emotionally in a position to do that so ultimately I was as much at fault because obviously she had her good points too or we wouldn’t have been friends.

Another friend recently - I worked out she had been Googling what all her friends had paid for their houses even years ago. She’d then drop into conversation that soandso had only paid X amount which is why they must be able to afford such and such holiday. I found it very weird and prying and judgmental. Saw a very different side to her and dropped her.

Threatened to ruin my marriage by outing very confidential information only a best friend would know

A friend who brought her neighbours dog round to my house and when it ran up my stairs thought it was funny , It was absolutely pouring with rain and she told me to put my cat out as this dog didn't like cats ! Nope not happening.

Also when my son was born started to bring round clothes for him from car boot sales and charging me for it saying every little helps. I told her we could provide for him thank you very much .

She was really angry that I didn't tell her I was in labour so she could come round and rub my back . That was the last thing I thought about !

She was estranged from her adult son and when he came back into her life she cut off . I was relieved more than anything else .

Im older and wiser now and put boundaries down quickly. I would say E wary of people who get too friendly too quickly. They are usually CF.

For failing to invest time and effort in the relationship which is a bit like why I refuse to contribute to your and others' threads when the OP comes across like journo wanting info and giving nothing themselves.

all relationship need to be on an equal footing, including respect.

Apart from obvious bad personality traits, I have ended several friendships over continued bad time keeping. It's rude, shows a total lack of respect for other people's time, and shows a sense of self importance. I've just met a fantastic woman, we have so much in common, she wants to be friends with me and vice versa, but I've quickly withdrawn before the friendship can form as her timekeeping is appalling.