What’s it like to be a lovely calm person?

[Rocklobstershell]

I’ve suffered with anxiety for pretty much all my life (I was even an anxious child). I was wondering today what it must be like to slip into the mind of someone who doesn’t flap, doesn’t fear the worst and lives a lovely calm and tranquil life.

If you are a calm and collected person please tell me what it’s like on your head please? Do you get bemused by people who flap about like headless chickens? Are there any downsides of being ultra calm? We’re you always this way or is it something you have taught yourself to be?

I’m not a calm person naturally. I’ve bitten my nails for as long as I can remember. I worry about everything. I’m always always stressed or panicking and take that out on people.

So I started taking anti anxiety medication when it was getting too much (I should have started years ago). I take 30mg Citalopram a day and I’m a calm person now. It’s wonderful. I’m such a better person. Am a better mum and wife. I stopped biting my nails. Can recommend!

So if you don’t mind Kfjsjdbd - can you tell me what’s it now like for you if something stressful happens? Do you feel some anxiety but in proportion to the event or does it numb you to feeling stressed?

I'm a 'calm' person in that I don't flap about and I find it really difficult to relate to/ sympathise with people who can't stop and think logically about things before overreacting.

It doesn't mean I don't ever feel anxious (quite the opposite), but being calm isn't the same thing as not having any anxiety.

I just take a step back and think about the situation before reacting. It annoys me when people go from 0-100 without thinking first and then you can't calm them down.

As for downsides of being calm, two main ones:

• People come to expect it of you and will be surprised to see you react in any other way (it must be REALLY BAD if you are reacting to something)

• People assume you haven't understood the gravitas of whatever is going on that is making them flap/ they think you are a bit inept/ not paying attention so may not treat you as respectfully (even though you are probably the person who has actually managed to think something through in a reasoned way).

I get anxious about some things (who doesn't, life can horrible at times) but I wouldn't say I was usually an anxious person.

I feel bad for people I know who do fret about everything, it makes every day so much harder for them and it sounds absolutely shit - I kind of look on it the same as any other MH thing.

When minor things go wrong I try to move straight to the bit where I try to think what's the worst that could happen? how bad is that thing? If it's not that bad (like e.g. having to cancel something and losing a small deposit) I try to have a word with myself inwardly and "tell" myself it's not that bad and any rising anxiety isn't needed - and try to distract myself if that doesn't work.

If it's about worrying what another person may have thought of me, I try to tell myself that most people are too busy worrying about their own lives to be sitting around thinking how terrible I am.

Thanks for the replies so far!
Bit of a cheeky question here but I wonder do calm people feel other emotions in a less heightened way? I had an incredibly calm boyfriend once but he used to get disappointed that he never had any extremes of emotion including heightened joy. Everything just sort of ticked along nicely for him? Is that a common feeling among calm people or was that just him?

I am a calm and generally relaxed person and it's often remarked on by colleagues and friends. Of course I have worries like anyone else and periods of greater stress, but outwardly I am very calm, even-tempered and unemotional pretty much all the time. I don't know if it's my nature or a learned tactic (probably repression!)

One downside is that at work I don't always display the degree of urgency or assertiveness that is sometimes expected. I get this feedback occasionally but I can't seem to change the way I am 🤷‍♀️

Another pondering- I often wonder what people think about when they are free from the constantly nipping dog of anxiety. It must be absolutely amazing to drive on a motorway /fly in an aeroplane and not feel they are seconds away from the jaws of death? Does having a calm mind help with creative thought /make you more insightful?

Am a calm person generally as well but do get into flaps sometimes. I have practiced meditation and mindfulness for many years. It helps to be able to observe our thoughts as then you have the ability to consciously let go of those thoughts that lead to the path of flap ;-)

I experience emotions in a deep way the same as everyone else, and possibly deeper to be honest. It's not about blocking our emotions. But as people mention above, I ask myself "what's the worse that can happen" and the phrase "this too shall pass" is also very useful.

I would describe myself as level-headed and calm.

I look at others and everyone seems to have problems. Full of angst about this, that or the other. Worrying about things that it hasn’t even crossed my mind are things to worry about.

Sometimes people say things and I just cannot relate to them at all, although I do listen and sympathise as I understand it’s a big thing in their life.

Its partly personality and partly my own life experience I think.

I am calm because the shit has hit the fan quite a few times in my life and now not much phases me. The worriers I know have been in the fortunate position of not really experiencing much drama in their lives, and so I just don’t think they have much resilience.

Anyway, being calm is great. Much less draining than worrying. But sometimes people lean on you, which is annoying, especially when you know that person could well do with developing their own skills. Also, sometimes people mistake my calmness for me not being affected, when they are not the same thing.

I'm following this thread as my life is blighted by anxious thoughts and reactions to what others might view as everyday events.

I hold down a full-time job and am raising my two DC well etc., but I know my life could be so much easier and more enjoyable if only I didn't have panicky reactions. One of my DC is like me, an anxious, nervy type of person also

People say I am an incredibly calm person. Unflappable, resilient ect. It has come in handy in for my career in the events industry. It does come with disadvantages too of course.

Interesting a previous poster mentioned biting nails - It is something I have done since I was a child (I think subconsciously this is my release). When I am anxious/stressed I struggle to show emotion, however it breaks out in other ways: skin issues, eye twitches, hair loss... yet my mind remains calm.

I think my mantra of 'If I'm not likely to be worried about it in a years' time why am I giving it so much thought now'. I think having a logical and practical brain set-up helps too, I never have run away thoughts everything calculated. However, as I said, on the flip side it can come across as quite emotionless, but I swear I'm full emotion in my own weird way!

I'm not calm as such. Not ultra calm at all. I have met a few who are. An attractive trait. But, There is a fine line between being ultra calm and too laid back. But I don't have anxiety. I think a lot, possibility an over thinker. I like to / enjoy chewing the fat, trying to work out why when my children were younger they behaved they way they did, what was behind it, what was prompting it, could I resolve it in any way. I'm proactive, if I need to ring my GP for blood tests I just get on and do it.

But I don't worry. I don't flap in a crisis, I'm practical : ok this is a pisser, right what can we do now.

Headless chickens do bemuse we. Procrastinators puzzle me. I don't like people who are unorganised. People not open to their emotions I struggle to understand. Anxiety I find hard to comprehend. Lack of self worth in others makes me very sad.

I'm good for a cup of tea and a listen. I'm sympathetic. But because I'm so practical I'll then offer advice and expect them to at least do something.

My mum said as a child I was I was content and stoic, never complained about my diabetes just got with this. I'm quite a dare-devil now, like dangerous things. The more someone tells me I can't, the more I want to.

Dh has been on management training including MH and it always talks about how worrying about what's outside of your control is pointless. I like that.

I'm sure a lot of it can be learnt. You make a point of trying not to default to your norm, but push yourself to try and behave the adjusted way. I do that, I know I can be this it that, eg sometimes abrasive, so I always work on smoothing my rough edges. I often fail and return to my default. But yes OP can at least try.

I'm generally an outwardly and thought to be calm person in that I'm good at rolling with things and thinking fast and on my feet.

But then I go home and I overthink and I panic and then I spiral but equally I can ground myself and be logical about the situation. Being like that let's me cope 'in the moment'

I'm not sure I am naturally calm but I am logical which must look calm from the outside and forces a level of calm on the inside.

I think in a cbt type way:
What's wrong?
What's the worst that could happen?
What would you do if that happened? (get robust plan)
Can you do anything to mitigate it? (do it or set the plan)
Distract myself until its time to enact the plan, or more often until whatever it is doesn't happen.

It took practice but I can't see how flapping helps.

I get told I'm very calm in work. I grew up in a volatile household and I didn't much enjoy all that. If there is a situation and people are flapping I'd much rather get to the root of the issue and look for a solution, or at least make the next steps. People can misinterpret calmness to not caring, but its not the same at all. Of course I care, but flapping serves no purpose.

Headless chickens do bemuse we. Procrastinators puzzle me. I don't like people who are unorganised. People not open to their emotions I struggle to understand. Anxiety I find hard to comprehend. Lack of self worth in others makes me very sad

Yep, you’ve summed it up well. I am the same, especially the disorganised ones!

My default is calm, I've been described as 'cool' at work (they def didn't mean trendy 😂).

I think the main benefit for me is that if I'm not feeling that way I've got some banked resilience to sort it out.

For instance, I had some mild PTSD as a result of birth trauma. When baby care settled down I knew that how I was feeling was mental ill health so I sought talking therapy which quickly got me back to normal. Because I expect to be calm I didn't attribute my symptoms to personality or anxiety which isn't worth treating.

I don't think it feel things less, I'm quite capable of intense joy and sadness it's just that I don't live at those extremes day to day.

I'm pretty calm and not a flapper. I found that senior staff tend to listen to me more. And ask what the real situation in the ward is. Rather than the nurse in charge, if they are a known flapper!

I don't bite my nails. I bite the skin round then. But it's a habit rather than a nerves thing.

DoodlePug speaks sense. What does flapping achieve. West a waste of energy.

Also what does worrying achieve. There's a difference between worrying and thinking things through abc making a decision.

And the recommendation to think of worse case scenario is a good tactic. Mostly when you think : realistically what's the worst that could happen here, within a millisecond you realise : not a lot!

I'm on trazadone which makes me lovely and calm - I have to say it's a very weird feeling. I care to a point, but I also feel quite detached from things and I observe rather than becoming overly invested or wasting any energy. I can't even bother to really think about things - life will happen no matter what, and things will be what they'll be. Perhaps being a naturally calm person is different, but I'm not sure how.

I'm really calm and I find it really offensive when people swear or shout to make their point. My family do this to me and never realise hownit makes me feel. I always explain myself calmly and I think it winds them up. Then they think their behaviour is justified. But I hate being shouted and sworn at.

Well, you’re just thinking about everyday stuff like the shopping or the laundry or whatever. The fact you’re on a plane or on the motorway is not interesting or relevant to your thoughts.

There must be times when you’re not anxious - in the shower or walking the dog or something. It’s the same as that - what do you think about when you’re doing those things?