What’s it like to be a lovely calm person?

[Rocklobstershell]

I’ve suffered with anxiety for pretty much all my life (I was even an anxious child). I was wondering today what it must be like to slip into the mind of someone who doesn’t flap, doesn’t fear the worst and lives a lovely calm and tranquil life.

If you are a calm and collected person please tell me what it’s like on your head please? Do you get bemused by people who flap about like headless chickens? Are there any downsides of being ultra calm? We’re you always this way or is it something you have taught yourself to be?

I like to think that I do not worry about the small things in life,and that goes on a lot what you need to do is let all the small things just go over your head they are not worth bothering about and if it is bills nobody wins by taking you to court every one wants to help you so do not worry. I know it is not easy to not worry but people are not bad people.

I am probably what you’d call a calm person. Everyone says I’m calm and soothing. I’m often told I make everything seem better. I’m calm in a crisis, but definitely not laid back: I can be very calm whilst working at 100mph to sort things out. My mind tends to automatically cover every possibility and address everything that needs addressing, especially in emergencies, unpredictable situations or highly emotional situations.
I also suffer from anxiety. I experience physical and emotional symptoms, but my way of dealing with it is to address the causes, hence the above approach. So, no, I don’t judge anxious people (or flappers!) as I completely understand and empathise.

I'm calm. I don't really find flappers bemusing, more annoying tbh, sorry.

For me it is about logic and risk assessment. The chances of bad things happening are really low and even if they do, they can usually be rectified. Nothing really bad is likely to happen so it's such a waste of energy and just not productive to worry.

I’m mostly pretty calm.

I do feel anxious about stuff, but try to keep
a lid on it, focus on what I can logically do, and remember that mostly things work out ok-ish. I try and recognise the irrational ‘plane might fall out of the sky’ feelings for what they are, and distract myself.

I don’t think there are any disadvantages of being calm. I’m not bemused by anxiety because I have suffered from periods of it, although people who cannot manage their anxiety are hard to work with.

🙄to people dismissing anxiety as a choice or personality trait when it's an actual illness.

I have anxiety. I overthink everything. But I'm not a flapping around headless chicken. In a crisis I'm actually very calm and competent, it's the rest of the time that's difficult. Apparently that's a thing, people with anxiety work through every possible scenario in their head before it happens, which isn't great for day to day functioning. But then when the worst happens, they've already imagined it and worrying about it is pointless, so the calm takes over.

I think a lot of it comes down to realising our thoughts aren't reality, and we don't have to act on them. There is helpful stuff on YouTube, eg Dr Amy Johnson. You don't have to agree with the thought that you're going to crash, you can think about the 100s of safe journeys you've made on the motorway. Your thoughts will come and go, they are just thoughts.

Similar experience here. I had panic attacks from being a young child and the constant anxiety I had throughout my teens was crippling.

Now I take Citalopram my life is unrecognisable. I still feel appropriate feelings of anxiety (before a job interview etc.), but I no longer panic about everything. My mind is calmer and I can think things through without going into fight or flight.

I don’t feel like my other emotions are overly affected (I still cry at any hint of sadness in films and get over excited about things), but I don’t lose control in the same way as I used to.

Before taking medication I would sometimes experience extreme uncontrollable emotions that, even when positive, had a negative impact on my life (physically rolling around in uncontrollable laughter etc.).

Oh, I'm highly emotional, as in I feel things intensely but I don't hold onto it. I can only be angry for a very short term, and then it's done. I don't understand holding grudges, I've had someone do something utterly terrible to me in the past, I cut them out of my life, I feel nothing for them now.

On the other side of that, I can feel immense happiness, but I can't maintain that state, so it's a short high and then I'm back to my default genuinely happy self.

So to try and describe it, I can feel extreme highs and lows, but like a rollercoaster, it's quick and then I'm back to my default level as such.

I think I'm pretty calm and laid back ... your point about not showing / feeling over emotional about things is probably quite true as well. I am probably like your ex ... life just ticks along and I never get really excited - or really despondent - about anything much.

I see no point in getting anxious about things I can't change ... my pet hate is people droning on about politics but not doing anything constructive ie; if you feel strongly join your local Town Council or whatever ... don't be an armchair politician.

In my career I've always had the customer focussed job ... dealing with the difficult situations as it was assumed I could deal with them in a calm & considerate way .

But in many ways I am quite lazy ... a lot of things just don't bother or interest me enough to get angry or anxious about....

I am pretty calm or that’s what others see. My job needs me to be calm externally even when I feel stressed internally and I’ve always been good at that.

I don’t get stressed easily but when I do it tends to creep up on me and like someone else said, people think things must be awful if I’m stressed. I have got better at dealing with stress as I’ve got older and more confident in my abilities.

I work in mental health so very much get anxiety, it’s horrible condition and I see people who suffer so badly.

I’m calm in any situation that doesn’t involve my family of origin. See below.

I learned to be incredibly unreactive as a child due to having quite a volatile aggressive father but as I’ve grown up I’ve learned more about reacting appropriately.

I think under reacting can be a thing too.

People need people like you, whatever you see in the past has happened and you can't change anything but you can do the best you can now, good luck we support you.

For me, my internal narrative is the polar opposite of my external demeanour.

It always pissed me off in jobs where the management's main criticism was that I didn't appear keen enough, mainly because their definition of 'keen' was 'a ball of grovelling anxiety conspicuously staying late and literally running round the office in order to be seen to be busy' - my approach has always been not to spray petrol onto a raging fire because I'll look like a hero before we're engulfed in flames, it's been to stop, quickly and quietly assess the situation and then leave purposefully with other staff, closing the door behind me.

Another way of putting it is that I always know my surroundings and my exits - I've observed and planned for multiple outcomes and my way around the negative ones.

So I will look cool, calm and relaxed - but I'm still thinking fuck fuck fuck fuck FUCK whilst I'm dealing with whatever it is.

i am pretty calm, although I would probably describe myself as steady rather than calm. Like, I don’t get really stressed or anxious or panicky, but I can also be a little reserved in general - I don’t get hyper excited or impatient, for example.

I think I’m able to be calm because I usually feel relatively prepared/confident in solving problems or unexpected issues, and I usually feel sure that (a) many things don’t really matter and (b) people are generally decent and understanding and (c) I’m good at explaining , so for me that takes the fire out of some situations.

I also like helping people so I think my calmness kicks in when other people are panicking as it’s like a helping instinct too. My focus is on helping them feel calmer, which obviously manifests as a kind of steadiness.

having said that, I’m always agitated if I think I’m going to turn up late and also I do get overwhelmed in really busy hectic environments. I’m less steady then 😂 also when I need to do something and I keep getting interrupted. Also not calm then 😂

I'm generally pretty calm - but I'm one of those people who is really, really good in a crisis or under pressure. Doesn't mean I don't worry - of course I do, but I don't get into a flap or work myself up into a state.

My DM is the opposite and it was exhausting growing up. She will even create an imaginary crisis or drama just to have something to get in a state about. I don't have the time or energy to behave like that.

I’m generally calm although like everyone else I can get anxious, worried and fearful about stuff but it’s usually fleeting and then my practical logical side comes in. I suppose the best way to explain it is that I feel like I have me and my normal thoughts and then I have another character that comes into play. A tough as fuck, no nonsense version of me that talks to me in my head and can usually override any anxious feelings. This character quotes my mum all the time and often shouts and swears at me in the manner of my extremely attractive ex-marine gym instructor.

Reading it written down for the first time is actually making me feel like actually this is probably not normal behaviour but it works for me 😂

I am both calm, and suffer with anxiety. I can deal with pretty much any crisis calmly, and rarely appear wound up apart from with close family. I just don't outwardly show that I spend a lot of my life worrying about pointless things that I can't change.

I'm very calm, don't flap, e.g. have been witness to a couple of medical emergencies - so I was the person who stemmed the bleeding, sent someone to get the injured person's ID and docs (we were abroad on holiday) and someone else to get transport, in the other case I did the CPR etc. Afterwards I could think "shit" and needed a large glass of wine - but at the time I stay calm.

I don't have a high emotional state generally - I don't swing between happy and sad, most of the time life is good and I'm happy, sometimes not so good and I might be a bit sad for a while. Shit happens, you deal with it. Some people call me unemotional because I don't display the extremes, not surprisingly I don't find that an insult 😉 - it must be exhausting for your happiness to be at the mercy of other people's actions.

I am calm but I do find myself feeling as though I’m in ‘the jaws of death’ on the motorway etc. I stay calm though and just accept I might die. Accepting you might die doing almost anything and having your affairs in order appropriate for your life stage is the best antidote to anxiety surrounding danger to be honest.

op I’m on maximum AD & anxiety meds but still horribly stressed an anxious. I’ve done yoga and daily meditation for a few years in a desperate attempt to ease it, I’ve had CBT & ACT therapy but I’m still a wreck.

I had an operation last year and the combination of morphine & something really suppressed my breathing down to just 4 breaths per minute when I was in recovery.

It.Was.MARVELLOUS!!

I’ve never felt so calm and relaxed in my life, the total opposite of hyperventilating. Obviously not something I can recreate but a tiny glimpse of calm. I too am envious of people who aren’t stressed an anxious.

I did experience a brief moment of calm today -a rarity. Instead of getting annoyed, stressed and grumpy that someone was late for a meeting, I told myself ‘just accept that sometimes people are going to do this and if I rage against it it’s only me that it hurts’. I was weirdly relaxed and cheerful, it made the meeting a lot happier to be involved in. I wish I could be in that frame of mind all the time.

I have a sibling that doesn’t stress, consequently she is often late for things because she’s unconcerned about being late! Drives me up the wall. BUT, she doesn’t have the sleepless nights I have. I’m so envious.

I used to be a much more anxious person but I've managed to calm down a lot through meditation and changes in lifestyle.

It's also surprising how much your diet can affect your mood. I have a gene mutation that affects around 30% of population (MTHFR) and means you don't process b vitamins properly which can lead to depression and anxiety.

Once I found all of this out and adjusted my diet, cut out caffeine and took special b vitamins, I felt much much better.

That said, there will always be situations that make you a bit more anxious but my mantra now is that it's the thoughts in my head, not the situation itself that causes me stress.

I'm told I'm calm. I kind of choose not to outwardly react if that makes sense? And in a panic situation it helps me to be proactive rather than standing around panicking- taking control of a situation helps. I'm not a control freak by any stretch of the imagination, in fact quite the opposite, I'm very laid back. But I've noticed in an unexpected situation a lot of people seem to sit back and wait for someone else to take charge. I'll hang back, but if no-one else does I will roll my eyes and step up.

In everyday situations I think we all have a tendency to worry about things and let our minds run away with the 'what ifs', but I tend to think, 'well if that happens, it'll be shit but I'll have to face up to it and deal with it when and if it does.'

Sounds twee, but remembering you're not that interesting to anyone else, and the phrase, "you die if you worry, you die if you don't," helps keep things in perspective. Obviously if you suffer with anxiety though I appreciate it's not that simple.

This is an assumption and sorry but you are way off.

Being in control of yourself doesn't mean you are not feeling things just as powerfully as the next person. Still waters run deep, as they say.

And some people who lose their temper in a flash have the emotional range of a teaspoon.

People have called me calm, but I spent most of my childhood in fight or flight but not doing either. I swore to myself that I would never again live on eggshells.

So to do that I have to have little interest in most things. If you dont care, it doesn't matter. I am also lazy af

I have a boring shitty job that demands little of me, I arranged my entire life to this end, cheap small house, part time local job that requires no transport and few people to interact with. I find it's people who cause issues mostly, not things so the more I keep away from people the better I am at being calm. When the shit hits the fan as even in my very simple life it will. I usually start with what's the worst that could happen. Will anyone die, no then it's just not important enough to worry over. Up to present day, its served me well and no one has died yet either.
If your thinking bills and services or war, you can only change what's in your power.
Bills, do your best to use less or earn more, services are not in your power, neither is a war none want.
If your thinking job, well I've lost jobs, and soon enough got another, not in a role I wanted, but a job. What matters more, money coming in or job role/title?

Tl/dr dont stress about what you cannot change

I don’t think that I’ve ever been anxious about anything. I wasn’t as a child and I’m not as an adult.
It just doesn’t occur to me to raise an eyebrow over much.
I came from an aggressive and violent childhood. Both parents had anger issues.
I think that has an awful lot to do with it.
Forcing down any glimmer of anything that might betray my inner feelings so that conditioning has removed stress from my brain possibly.

Motorway driving, flying, public speaking don’t bother me at all.

Im an antisocial introvert so consider stuff carefully. There is always a way and always an answer to issues I find. Logic figures strongly in my thoughts.

I struggle very very much with “highly strung folk” ( as my granny used to describe anxious types)
I just don’t know how to handle their energy and make sense of how they see the world.
Never known any other way.