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What’s it like to be a lovely calm person?

131 replies

Rocklobstershell · 18/10/2022 16:08

I’ve suffered with anxiety for pretty much all my life (I was even an anxious child). I was wondering today what it must be like to slip into the mind of someone who doesn’t flap, doesn’t fear the worst and lives a lovely calm and tranquil life.

If you are a calm and collected person please tell me what it’s like on your head please? Do you get bemused by people who flap about like headless chickens? Are there any downsides of being ultra calm? We’re you always this way or is it something you have taught yourself to be?

OP posts:
GalesThisMorning · 20/10/2022 22:56

I'm not naturally calm, but I have learned how to calm myself and that is very powerful. So I know that I can run through things I can touch, taste, smell hear, feel and bring myself back to the moment and prevent spiralling out. I'm very lucky in that I love reading so books are a place of respite. I know that a walk or a swim will calm my mind. I know that drinking or smoking doesn't calm me.

I think I appear calm, but in reality I just have developed a lot of skills for bringing myself back to calm place. I wasn't always like this, and I'm grateful for it. Calm is so underrated, but a calm mind is something to be grateful for

CookPassBabtridge · 21/10/2022 00:09

I'm calm, positive minded and can handle most things well.. it makes life much easier. I know people with anxiety and fast busy minds and I feel for them, they don't choose that.

Booklover3 · 21/10/2022 00:25

It IS hard living with someone with anxiety or depression when they aren’t responsive to getting help or the appropriate treatment.

There is such a thing called depression fallout when living with a depressed family member.

@cowskeepingmeupatnight you sound utterly burnt out and like you need a break. Any chance of you getting some support or some time off?

and for everyone else also having a hard time 💐

Blocked · 21/10/2022 01:11

cowskeepingmeupatnight · 20/10/2022 18:36

Ok, so my husband has chronic, diagnosed anxiety and OCD. I don’t have anyone to talk to about it because he doesn’t want me to tell anyone, which I accept. His parents know but they don’t really want to talk about it either.

So I feel like I have a good understanding of how anxious people think and how debilitating it can be. But I also have experience of how fucking irritating it can be to be around. Anxious people can be massive hypocrites, as they hold everyone to a higher standard than themselves, because ‘anxiety’. They can also be very draining, as they witter on and on about the same old tropes. ‘Did I run someone over?’ ‘Is that blood on the wall?’ And don’t get me started on making decisions, round and round we go, seeking reassurance and chewing the fat. It sucks the joy out of even the nice things, like going to view a house or packing for a holiday.

Its really hard to be a calm person supporting someone with anxiety, because the support is so one way. Sometimes tough love is the only answer, because if you engage in the worries then you’re enabling the anxiety. The fact is, the only way past anxiety is through it. My husband is really good at always challenging himself - therapy, constant exposure to fears, meditation, self reflection - and that’s what gives me the respect and energy to carry on. So I get what PPs mean when they say anxious people have to put their big kid pants on and front up, because sorry but they do. For their sakes and for the people who love them. I know it’s harder than it sounds, but we need to see you try.

Thanks for this. This has made me realise I need to ring the doctor tomorrow and get myself some help, for my families sake.

SirChenjins · 21/10/2022 09:15

Absolutely it's hard - it's difficult living with family members who are mentally ill, and it's difficult living with mental illness, but please, do not stereotype and lump everyone who experiences mental ill health as fucking irritating or just not trying hard enough or massively hypocritical. If you're experiencing difficulties coping as a direct result of someone in your family not getting help with their mental illness then fine, speak to your own experiences - but don't make sweeping generalisations about people with mental heath problems.

kizziee · 09/07/2023 12:09

Have just found this thread and only commenting so can find it easily again

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