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Original poster

I think my dd is clever, school say she is really struggling. I feel like a knob.

235 replies

SewhereIam · 17/10/2022 19:52

I have a 5 year old dd in year 1. She is my PSB, as my PFB is 13 years older and there are 6 miscarriages inbetween them, and PSB was a very poorly foetus and very poorly baby.

As a bit of background, I was a high achiever at school, went to Oxbridge, and PFB outshone me in her GCSE's and A-Levels, and is currently at a red brick university with hopes to do a masters PhD at Oxbridge, so academia means a lot to me and I put a lot of time and effort in to making sure my girls have everything they need to be able to suceed. (This is my problem, I know, there is more to life than academics).

DD2 has always had issues with her motor skills, and has had medical investigations for a suspected brain tumour and mild cerebral palsy when she was younger, but we have been very lucky and she is fine. She is incredibly quick, can outsmart me at every turn, is very self assured, loves word play and puns, and is on the pathway for ASD diagnosis. She has a fantastic vocabulary, a photographic memory and usually gets concepts first time (which is just infuriating 😂). I know I shouldn't say this, but out of the three of us I would say that she is mentally the quickest.

School have said that she is really behind. Her writing and numbers are very clearly wobbly and usually back to front and very shakey. We have done a lot of work on fine and gross motor skills from pretty much day dot, but she is still finding it really hard. School have said she needs a lot of extra support and we need to do more at home with her, which is fine, but they also suggested that she is far below average intelligence. Apparently they see "glimpses of great ideas in there but they just don't translate".

What can I do to help her? This isn't the dd2 I know, but maybe I have been blinded by her being my precarious child and my last baby. I feel like such an idiot, and like I have failed her terribly. Where do I start? I feel terrible.

OP posts:
SophiaLarsen · 19/10/2022 12:42

It's the assessment methodology for schools and children of that age OP. It does not take into account disability or neurodiversity I don't think.

You're not an idiot. You get her.

PeppermintyPatty · 19/10/2022 12:43

My DC2 has struggled with his writing. I do believe he is an intelligent child, he is able to make insightful comments and is a good conversationalist. However, he left y1 last summer barely able to write (completely illegible) and I was very worried he was about to be completely left behind.

he has turned a corner this term and seems to finally be getting the hang of it. It’s still too early to know but I think he might well be ok. I’m still unsure about dyslexia/dyspraxia. I don’t suspect other neurodiversity at the moment (my older child has ASD and DC2 doesn’t seem to have comparable difficulties).

DC1 is some kind of genius though - with lateral thinking and insight abilities well beyond his years. It has been a really different parental experience supporting DC2 through school after DC1.

whatchamacallit · 19/10/2022 13:58

Have you considered dyslexia? Runs in my family very high achievers and iq but trouble with reading and writing and fine motor skills. Worth looking in to as schools really do still seem to think it applies only to spelling and unfortunately only children who are clearly struggling

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SEN
Dontsayfuckorbugger · 19/10/2022 15:24

Sounds just like my son. Great imagination, sharp mind, witty, could tell a great story but just couldnt put in on paper. Diagnosed with Dyslexia which I had already sussed out anyway. Also dont compare. Ive had 3 children and they are all completely different people but all beautiful and shine in their own way

KAT0779 · 19/10/2022 15:47

@SewhereIam Hope you don't mind me asking, what month was your child born? My daughter is the youngest in her class and seems ok to me at reading and maths, and generally retaining information. Her handwriting isn't great but she's not long turned 6 so I wouldn't really expect it to be, and we have had a similar thing from her school saying how behind she is. I'm wondering if this is compared to the rest of the class, some of whom are nearly a year older than her, or if they do adjust their assessment based on where they are age wise amongst the class etc.

Dibbydoos · 19/10/2022 16:03

I am considered bright (Mensa member) but
I am often looked at by average intelligence people as thick. Some people assess others using their own inability to understand/ comprehend/ think outside the box.

I think your DD sounds amazing. If she is neuro diverse, whatever. That won't affect her intelligence for most things, but it might mean, like me she has to learn to dumb down how she articulates what she she thinks. I suspect you do this too OP, so you can teach her how.

Good luck x

Catscatsandmorecats · 19/10/2022 23:52

@SewhereIam I have been here with my DS. A very quick and bright kid but struggled in Y1 and 2 with the exact same thing. School spoke to me about it too In a similar way. However, some of the teachers also admitted that although they were giving me advice on how to support him at home they actually thought he'd suddenly get it with the writing and surge forward, they were telling me as he wasn't meeting the arbitrary government targets, not because they were worried he wouldn't ever catch up.

Please please take the pressure off, all that happened with DS was he felt really under pressure and his fine motor skills couldn't keep up with his brain to enable him to do the written work so he just shut down and didn't try. Then if they stayed on at break to help him do some he thought he was being punished for being bad at writing. He started trying to school refuse and got very anxious. I ended up talking to the SEN leader and he was given an ELSA which helped with the anxiety.

Then in Y3 he suddenly got the hang of it and ended up meeting all targets and excelling in some. His teacher said that as a young for the year, left handed kid, just after all the covid distruption he would never have expected him to be at that level and was really impressed with him.

I really do think they all learn and improve at such vastly differing paces that sometimes the targets the schools are told they should be meeting are crazy for such young ages.

From a practical point of view I wouldn't push anything your DD doesn't want to do if she's already articulating that writing doesn't feel good. If she shows interest in anything that does help fine motor skills, even rubbishy computer games, let her go for it.

It's really hard, and whether you get some sort of ND diagnosis or not it doesn't mean she will be 'behind' forever. Kids need to be happy to learn, and let's face it, do many careers now rely on handwriting?

Good luck

Wetblanket78 · 20/10/2022 00:27

,

I think my dd is clever, school say she is really struggling. I feel like a knob.
Stewball01 · 20/10/2022 08:05

Of course her writing is wobbly. She's only in 1st grade. Mine is wobbly too but I'm 78 😁. Can she read nicely? Then she's not dyslexic. Don't push her too much. If she's been moved to a smaller class and us doing well then it seems your problems are over.
Good luck and keep smiling 😃.

CrazyLadie · 29/12/2022 15:10

SewhereIam · 17/10/2022 19:52

I have a 5 year old dd in year 1. She is my PSB, as my PFB is 13 years older and there are 6 miscarriages inbetween them, and PSB was a very poorly foetus and very poorly baby.

As a bit of background, I was a high achiever at school, went to Oxbridge, and PFB outshone me in her GCSE's and A-Levels, and is currently at a red brick university with hopes to do a masters PhD at Oxbridge, so academia means a lot to me and I put a lot of time and effort in to making sure my girls have everything they need to be able to suceed. (This is my problem, I know, there is more to life than academics).

DD2 has always had issues with her motor skills, and has had medical investigations for a suspected brain tumour and mild cerebral palsy when she was younger, but we have been very lucky and she is fine. She is incredibly quick, can outsmart me at every turn, is very self assured, loves word play and puns, and is on the pathway for ASD diagnosis. She has a fantastic vocabulary, a photographic memory and usually gets concepts first time (which is just infuriating 😂). I know I shouldn't say this, but out of the three of us I would say that she is mentally the quickest.

School have said that she is really behind. Her writing and numbers are very clearly wobbly and usually back to front and very shakey. We have done a lot of work on fine and gross motor skills from pretty much day dot, but she is still finding it really hard. School have said she needs a lot of extra support and we need to do more at home with her, which is fine, but they also suggested that she is far below average intelligence. Apparently they see "glimpses of great ideas in there but they just don't translate".

What can I do to help her? This isn't the dd2 I know, but maybe I have been blinded by her being my precarious child and my last baby. I feel like such an idiot, and like I have failed her terribly. Where do I start? I feel terrible.

My sons first school told me the same about him, I know I learn differently that what is expected by schools so O showed him how I do things too, we moved house and schools at the same time. He is now 12 and 2 years ahead of his age academically, so don't stress sometimes they just need to find themselves

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