Things you can never say out loud in real life as you'll hurt the feelings of someone you like....

[hatetheplayernotthegame]

...stop buying puppies from breeders FFS.

So sick of people popping up with the latest - inevitably moustachiod dull as fuck doodle - puppy that they've bought from some back yard breeder.

I love dogs. The people who do this never seem to really like dogs much, if they did they'd consider adopting one of the gazillions dumpbed post-lockdown (bought by moustachio-doodle loving twats just like them).

Laughed at this. I know just what you mean. I have also politely responded to such while feeling quietly embarrassed for them.

Stop telling me I am "lucky" to have an established career and good income and that it isn't fair that you don't. I have worked my arse off to get where I am. You were streets ahead of me at school and had the same advantages but chose a different path. (Oh, and I won't forget the years in between when you crowed about "raising your own children" and openly pitied mine for going to full time nursery, even though - shock horror - they really enjoyed it.)

Aaaaahhhh, that feels better.

Colleague: It's a miracle you've not been fired, I've defended you for as long as I can but frankly you're past the point I can help you any longer and my patience has really run thin.

Friend: you have to realise that he is a total fucking tosser and it's the reason the four of us don't hang out as a group the same way me and DP do with others; because we can't stand his pathetic one-upmanship and boasting.

GMIL: if you want to sort something out to see your grandson, then for fuck's sake tell us more than a week in advance! We only have every other weekend with him so, surprise, we tend to plan in advance! And more to the point, if you need to ask your son something, ask him, don't use me as your messenger!

Do not waltz into my home telling me I need to tidy up x ,y and z, do the garden, etc whilst offering NO help with my baby. I do not have time to do everything single thing and unlike you, I actually play with my children and have fun with them.

No, I'm not 'rationing' my phone calls to you. I'm actively choosing not to call because you talk too much and talk over me the whole time, barely letting me get a word in. You blame dyslexia for not wanting to text, but you seem able to text fine when it suits you to do so.

Colleague: Before you tell the boss you don't have enough to do and want more of my work, how about you do yours right first? Every time I'm away I have to clear up the chaos you left and do things you failed to do, even when it was decidedly quiet.
And no, you don't get first dibs on Easter, Christmas and all Bank Holidays just because you have children.

Stop talking about being a Christian and attending church whilst being the most back stabbing and selfish work colleague I’ve come across in a long time.

Stop posting be kind and other inspirational shit on Facebook, you stole my friends husband a week after she died. He's now your fourth husband giving you financial security you never had, because you had so many partners.

Another person:-

You're a nurse not Amanda Holden, no one is interested in seeing you in a bikini. You chose to bring your children up differently and that's the reason you can do nothing with them and they don't respect you.

Just fuck off, Margaret!

Being good at organising holidays doesn’t mean taking control when no one asked you to, then signing people up for things you decide they’ll do without asking or taking into consideration what they want, then getting annoyed and arguing when they do their own thing.

Also, peoples feelings and opinions are not up for you to argue against. As an example, if someone says they feel uncomfortable wearing an outfit in public they shouldn’t have to justify it to you. Or if they dislike a film, you’re allowed to like it but they have their opinion.

I know you are proud of your writing, but it is awful. You go on retreats to write, but you never finish anything, and there is an exciting new idea every couple of months. I am sure it gives you joy, and I am happy you get so much from it, but I really, really don't want to be your go-to reader, especially as you want to talk about it in so much detail. I have rarely been more relieved than when you told me that you were abandoning the historical romance written in verse...

Have you noticed that we've been talking about you for two hours now and it hasn't even occurred to you to ask a single question about me?

If you want to save every penny you've ever earned and live like paupers that's up to you. But for the love of god stop constantly moaning that you can't afford anything and are permanently on the breadline. We all know you're not and it's as boring as fuck.

It's LOSE weight and LOOSE fit.

I know she was your mum and you loved her but she was 96 and had a heart condition. How shocked could you really have been?

Stop having children you can't emotionally look after! They're neglected. Everyone can see it.

@LightDrizzle that sounds exactly like my dad after he injured his knee. My cousin asked what happened. I said he slipped on mud and tore a tendon. He gave her the full convoluted story that went on, and on. And several tangents.

No thanks, I don't want to see a picture of your new grandchild. I'm not interested.

I love you to bits but when you tell me what you did today (not a lot) and it includes 2 'rests' it just makes me respect you that little bit less. Combine that with telling me you might have a sick day because you're tired or have a sore finger, I'm starting to feel the ick

Why are you TTC at the age of 42. I'm sorry but it's very unlikely to work, you also have tween and teen children already albeit with an ex as does your partner. Why do people feel the need reproduce with every partner they have.

AND THERE IS NOTHING WRONG WITH AN OXFORD COMMA!!!

(I love you, Oxford comma, and don't care what Denise Coffey thinks. She is a cowbag.)

Stop talking and listen to somebody else. I don't think that you realise but you absolutely dominate every conversation and nobody else can get a word in edgeways, so they just give up.

Sometimes what you class as honesty, is very rude.

Jealousy is a very unattractive trait.

Why on earth haven’t you clued on to the fact that I’m not interested in your family tree? Why did you ever think I would be? It’s not my family.
Please put the chart away. Please notice that I am not engaging. I don’t want to have to be blunt with you but my free time is limited and I don’t want to spend it this way.

Having a child isn't a right but a privilege. If your mental health is so bad that you haven't been able to have a job for the last 15 years and haven't been able to live independently then you should not be bringing a child into the world. This child won't solve your problems but add to them.

Similar to a PP I am not lucky to be in the financial situation I am in. I work hard and save harder. I taught myself about personal finance and invested wisely.

And to my mother; you're an abusive, nasty, bitter, old cow. Some of the things you said to me when I was a child are unforgivable and they cause long lasting damage. The reason I have gone no contact and not tried to talk to you is that you lie and twist the truth, you always have to be right and you wouldn't take any responsibility for your behaviour.

You cannot have any credibility at all when you're writing could of and should of and we was saying.

Stop with the daily selfies on SM and musings about your fabulous "soul mate" DP and wonderful DC. Anyone who really knows you knows that its all fake, so who are you trying to impress? Your DP is an immature arse who treats you with disdain, your adult DC have drink/drug abuse issues and can't hold down a job. You use your SM as a way of "validating" yourself online instead of getting help in real life. How sad is that 😪