Things you can never say out loud in real life as you'll hurt the feelings of someone you like....

[hatetheplayernotthegame]

...stop buying puppies from breeders FFS.

So sick of people popping up with the latest - inevitably moustachiod dull as fuck doodle - puppy that they've bought from some back yard breeder.

I love dogs. The people who do this never seem to really like dogs much, if they did they'd consider adopting one of the gazillions dumpbed post-lockdown (bought by moustachio-doodle loving twats just like them).

I'm not busy, I just don't want to see you.

Ha! Yes! This!

You're a lying narcissistic bitch, and no, I'm not going to be all supportive now karma is catching up with you.

Stop pretending to be a fantastic dad, who is loving and involved. You are a deadbeat dad to 2 other children from your first marriage who are still teenagers and would love to see more of you but instead, you only see them on their birthdays.

I can’t believe you’ve blindly fallen for this trans-rights bollocks, and you signal this on social media, group WhatsApp messages, and by having she/her after your work email signature.
….I honestly thought you were one of my most intelligent, socially switched-on lifelong friends…but now I see you in a whole new light and I’m not sure our friendship can withstand this feeling I have of being so very disappointed in you.

It's disingenuous not disungenerous . The latter is a made up word .I admit it does a good job of describing how you often feel about something .

YES!!
And while we're at it, dearest friend, it's not "the proof is in the pudding". It's "the proof of the pudding is in the eating." I love you, but please get a dictionary of proverbs and sayings, look it up, and stop saying it wrong!!

The reason your son acts like that in public is because when he does it you buy him shit to shut him up.

Our parents are ageing and they are struggling to have your 3 children every weekend all weekend. Oh and they talk to mum like crap so sort them out.

Stop posting your child's personal medical details on Facebook you twat. It's no ones business and your child won't thank you for it.

For the love of all that’s holy stop posting rants on social media about how you’ve been abandoned by all your old friends. You moved abroad in 2005 in your 20s and have barely been home since. It now 2022, we’re in our 40s with all the commitments that brings and it’s hard to keep a friendship going when they’re close by let alone when you haven’t seen them for years and they live in another country.

The cheek of you moaning about not having any money when you earn upwards of £70k+ AND don't pay a penny in rent or mortgage because you moved into your partner's home and for some reason have never contributed/there seems to be no plan for you to do so.

I am insanely jealous of course.

If you're honest with yourself, our childhoods were far from perfect. Remember [insert various incidents that were more complex than "doing their best at the time"]? Why do you think I've been through therapy, and that you will need it too when you just admit to yourself how messed up things actually were?

To Person 1: You don't need to be quite so proud of your 27yr old DD, who is no longer a child btw. She's had to move back in with you because she can't manage her life- she is a nail technician who is bad at business. If she was good at business you wouldn't have to bail her out so often and you SHOULD mind paying for her flash new car that she bought on pcp and has found out she can't afford. She didn't NEED the boob job you paid for, she didn't NEED the hair extensions and seriously, please stop saying how proud you are every single day. You love her and care for her and that's lovely but the sun doesn't shine out of her butt, sorry. Every single day "she's a businesswoman and I'm so proud of her"....AAARRRGGGHHHH!!!!!

To Person 2: You have ONE child, he is 15 and seems a fairly normal 15yr old, again, not ass shine perfect but, nice enough lad. He's not a baby, you don't need to call him every couple of hours when he's at school to leave him a voicemail. Stop telling me how hard it is to be a single parent, I'm a fucking single parent to 4 DC aged 5yr to 13yr so I would win this Top Trumps but, I don't play...only in my own secretly bitchy head. And no, you don't need a 7 seater for 1 child, especially for a 15yr old.

That was so long but felt so good 😂I am a horrible person!

He's an autistic low verbal child who loves Disney princesses. He isn't trans, or a 'they' - or a she. I just hope the long wait for gender services will mean there's enough time for gender critical views to filter through into your internet bubble before it's too late. He's too little to know what gender is, and he might never fully understand it. You've gone from being mistrustful of labels to putting them on every single member of your family, and yourself. You have complex PTSD. You truly need help. If you had tried to adopt instead of having children you would never have been approved. I think about your kids all the time, and hope they'll be spared the worst of this latest phase you're in.

Do you honestly believe that suddenly the human race has had a massive rev forwards in evolution so that a huge proportion of young people are suddenly not of one sex or the other?

Or could it be that this non-binary shit is just a massive fad and fashion and you have jumped on the bandwagon making yourself look like a giant moron.

When you grow up a bit, you will look back on this period of your life and feel utterly mortified that you were such a twat. Or you should do, anyway.

(with apologies to the teeny tiny percentage of actual, genuine non-binary people out there)

This.

I always wanted children (deep primal urge) but equally always hated children (bar newborns) and had zero calm.

I had children and LOVE my children but still felt I had no tolerance for other children until I realised I dont hate children I actually hate other PARENTS... its the the lazy parent that let their children act like little shits that bother me because its not really the childrens fault.

Also realised its also not 'all' children either, you just dont notice the 5 well behaved ones sat quiety because the 2 naughty ones being ignored by their parents pull all the focus.

posted too soon.

I always want to say to the kid 'Mummies to busy having friends and chatting about gossip to notice and tell you this but 'NO'' but your not allowed to do that.

NDN: stop copying us. It’s so weird and competitive!

I wish you’d never got back with him 25 years ago. He has made your life hell, and to be fair you’ve enabled him. He’s absolutely broken you and your and your daughter’s lives. This could and should have been so different. He has wrecked your life and now you’re absolutely stuck with him as his carer. It’s a terrible thing to wish someone dead, but I won’t be sorry when his self inflicted death comes and frees you

Your son is not big boned, chunky, well built, all there, solid or muscly. He is grossly overweight. He cannot run, he cannot keep up with the other kids, you cannot get clothes to fit him, he cries because the other children make fun of him.

He has been checked over by 3 different doctors, there is no SEN, no physical problem except YOU FEED HIM TOO MUCH. You are also morbidly obese and blame it on genetics not on the fact you buy trolleyfulls of absolute SHITE food with no nutritional value whatsoever. You load up the snack press and that darling little boy can go to it whenever he likes day or night. You don't make dinners, you don't cook at all because as you say..."too much effort", you order takeaways and call that dinner. You PISS me off. You never even try to change. How you can look at that little boy getting bigger and bigger and DO NOTHING makes me fucking sick. Your denial, your ansolute fucking denial that your child is dangerously overweight has brought health visitors to your door and you brush it off as saying, he is just a big boned boy, nothing wrong with him. You refuse to try anything they tell you. Your answer? We like what we like and that is it. By all means eat yourself into an early grave but don't do it to your child. Stand up and be a decent mother. At least TRY change some small things.

Arghhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhh fuck you and your fucking bulging snack press. This is child abuse.

I know it’s not your fault, I know you’ve painted on a smile so long you don’t even realise you’re doing it anymore. But all my life as long as I looked ok, you didn’t ask any questions. That’s why we can’t talk, your advise is always paint on a smile and get on with it.
and guess what I’m fat, not ideal but it hasn’t actually ruined my life.

It’s we were going. NOT we was going!!!

Oh I have more...I could fill up a thread I think but:

I'm not just a parent, I'm way more than that and I hate being made to feel guilty for saying my children aren't world. I love them more than I can describe but I still am a person in my own right. I want to talk about more things than children and I struggle to see why it's all you are. Surely you're still in there?! Also, stop doing that weird voice to my 5yr old, he is judging you, I can see it in his eyes.

^this

PLUS stop putting lots of tacky shite all over the grave including helium balloons (aka wildlife killers) non biodegradeable plastic hearts and flowers. Why not just spend the money on a decent headstone instead of just leaving the “temporary” marker and all your litter.

Stop with all the helium balloon launches too! They don’t reach your loved ones in heaven - they kill wildlife on earth.