Things you can never say out loud in real life as you'll hurt the feelings of someone you like....

[hatetheplayernotthegame]

...stop buying puppies from breeders FFS.

So sick of people popping up with the latest - inevitably moustachiod dull as fuck doodle - puppy that they've bought from some back yard breeder.

I love dogs. The people who do this never seem to really like dogs much, if they did they'd consider adopting one of the gazillions dumpbed post-lockdown (bought by moustachio-doodle loving twats just like them).

To one of my oldest friends-
Your relationship is abusive. It's not normal. You know this.
And it is affecting your children even though you pretend it's not. It really is.
Your oldest in particular needs help. He is abusing you too, he is following his father's behaviour, he treats you terribly and it is so upsetting to see.
You all deserve better. Apart from your partner who deserves nothing.

The things I'd like to say to some absence-taking pisstakers I have to manage at work. Every excuse in the book to not turn up to the office or not work at all.

Stop preaching about the immorality private schools when you bought a million pound house to get into the catchment of the local school (that I couldn't get into because of the likes of you!)

If you laid off the cocaine for a bit you may find your anxiety gets better.

Please stop shagging your abusive ex husband, then moaning to me about him kicking off again. I have my own shit to deal with and I don't need more misery in my life.

Please stop comparing my child to your cat and how they are the same in terms of parenting. Looking after a child isn’t the same as looking after a cat. I know you’re trying to relate to me but you take over the conversation with examples that make no sense and then it always ends up being about you.
The same with everything else.
I also don’t need to know the back history and updates of all your other friends who I’ve never met before but now I do feel like I know them because I know everything about them.
You’re a lovely person but you’re frustrating.

You are a lovely woman, very caring and generous, but you really need to get your head out of your arse when it comes to your kid.
He is not being singled out and picked on, he is aggressive and rude and by you pandering to his every whim not telling him he’s wrong, you’re making it worse. Also he isn’t that great at the sport he’s in and unfortunately he never will be, because of his aggression, rudeness and self entitlement.

My child gets picked for certain things that yours has also tried out for because he has been doing this hobby for 9 years and puts in 100% effort, whilst yours turns up tells people what he wants and expects to have everything handed to him on a plate, it doesn’t work like that. Myself and a few other parents all agree that since he has joined the dynamic has changed and the leaders are putting him in positions that he is not any good at just because they know you will kick off if he doesn’t get what he wants, I’m also considering removing my children if something isn’t done about it.

As I said you’re generally a lovely woman and I do however enjoy our chats, but please for your sake and your sons sort it out, he really is going to get worse and you can’t control him.

Also please stop complaining that you don’t go anywhere or do anything, I have offered to take you and your child places to have different experiences but you overthink and complicate things to much, then don’t end up going and sit in the same area you live in complaining, then your son gets upset with mine because they have been somewhere.

None of us really think your son is now a woman. My sympathy is entirely with his distraught former wife.
I'd really rather burn money than donate it to Mermaids so stop telling us how wonderful they are.

You liked my outside school help and my support, but turned into another person at the school gate, running off to stick your head in the crotch of the alpha crowd like a desperate puppy. I have never trusted you since you went behind the backs of the parents to kiss up to the head. We all know that when you offered to handle the end of year gift for the teacher, you purchased it from your own MLM and pocketed a commission. We all know you got the job by pushing out the incumbent through your bullying and backstabbing, which you think you hide with your stupid nicey nicey twee voice and constant shit eating smile for the boss. You looked like a fat, middle aged sex worker on your birthday.

Just because your husband doesn’t like you and never speaks to you, doesn’t give you the right to spread malicious lying gossip about people so that others don’t notice the mess your life is in. Stop pretending you are someone you are not, and stop lying about other people.

B: I don’t rise to your snide rudeness and icy aggression, your public humiliation of me as you’re the mother of my grandchildren and you could deny me access. I have thought of apologising unreservedly for whatever you think I’ve done but you’re an absolute bitch and I fucking hate you.

A: Wise up. No, only one of us is this dress size and it isn’t you. Stop giving me clothes presents in the size above, whilst squeezing yourself into items which are four sizes too small for you. You eat far more than you should. It’s nothing to do with the pills you take. It’s self-indulgence and greed coupled with your indolent lifestyle.

I wish that everyone except my husband and children would fuck off and leave me alone almost all of the time. Occasionally I want my husband and children to fuck off, too.

You have spent your whole life, living exactly as you please, regardless of how it affected others, accepting no responsibility for your actions. The drug taking and so called mental health condition you claim to have, have wrecked your children's lives, they never had a chance of a normal childhood, it was total chaos and destruction, how they were never taken in to care, God only knows. You can't understand how your kids have turned out so badly, really? Don't know how you can call yourself a mother

thirded!

No, the death of your cat is nothing like the death of my son.

Or the death of your elderly grandmother either, if I'm honest.

yes!

Yes, you are a bitch.

You're mean-spirited.

Your attempts to have the upper hand make you look petty.

It's not controlled crying the way you're doing it, it's just neglect. And I know that you love him and think it's for the best, but it's really, really not.

Omg this!!
Won't go into details incase I'm outed, but this this and this.

No, the death of your cat is nothing like the death of my son

To be honest, you should let the person know in no uncertain terms. Wtf is wrong with them?

When I say maybe I'll see you there, I won't. I won't be anywhere near there. Maybe means no.

He's struggling through puberty, because his Dad does nothing with him, and he's not allowed to play with other boys. Not because he's Trans.

Oh no, I’ve got loads of these:

1. I am running out of corny, insincere phrases in response to the hundreds of photos of your children you keep sending me.

1. Go and help your mother cope with her elderly, disabled husband sometimes. Just a weekly visit and some shopping/respite would make all the difference

1. Why have you just got a huge dog when you are struggling to feed your kids? You can’t afford to look after the poor thing.

1. Just because you sometimes chat to people on the bus it doesn’t mean you are “practically a counsellor”

1. Just say it once to me, not four times with different paraphrasing.

Sorry :( she’s becoming our mother, who we’re still both scared of.

Why did you allow a load of people to turn up to your party in black face? It made them look bad, but you look worse for not telling them to leave. The whole event was cringeworthy.

I'm disappointed that everything we've done for you over the last 12 months was for nothing and you're right back where you started. You had the opportunity to get your head down, save, crack on with work, have a fresh start and instead you squandered it.

Look, he's a nice bloke and I know you love him, but I don't like him and I don't think he's right for you. You're not an equal team and he doesn't have your back. He watched you struggle and because you couldn't do the emotional labour anymore, he fucked off to his mother's, leaving you struggle with your mental health alone. He's going to drain the life out of you.