Things you can never say out loud in real life as you'll hurt the feelings of someone you like....

[hatetheplayernotthegame]

...stop buying puppies from breeders FFS.

So sick of people popping up with the latest - inevitably moustachiod dull as fuck doodle - puppy that they've bought from some back yard breeder.

I love dogs. The people who do this never seem to really like dogs much, if they did they'd consider adopting one of the gazillions dumpbed post-lockdown (bought by moustachio-doodle loving twats just like them).

You're stupid. You tell lies to make your FB statuses more exciting even though you know those of us who know the truth can see it. I'm going to comment the truth everytime you do this so everyone knows you're stupid.

You're my friend and I love you dearly, but if you show me the nursery app detailing your child's bowel movements, or worse still, a photo of those bowel movements, one more time im going to snap. Ive asked you nicely to stop and you giggle like its funny.

This!!!

If you actually do feel guilty about not having enough time for all your children, why the hell are you having a 5th?

Small claims court??

If its for the kids, then definitely fight for it back.

I feel sorry for your son. Good fathers put their children above their new girlfriends and don't move to a different country to start a new, exciting life.

To my exH and his new P - You don't deserve to breathe the same air as my children and playing happy families with them now doesn't cancel out the harm you both caused with your sordid affair.

Old school friend, I’m glad you’re happy and settled in London. But no, living in London does not make you superior to the people who live in small towns (such as the one you came from). Take your nose out of the air and clean the black snot from it.

Of course trans people exist - but (Newsflash) no-one - NO-ONE changes sex.

Small children play with all sorts of toys and like all sorts of clothes and it doesn't mean they're trans; teenagers are conflicted about their bodies, and autistic teenagers can become particularly conflicted; it doesn't mean they're trans; gay, bi- and gender non-conforming teens can have difficulty in accepting their sexuality; it doesn't mean they're trans.

Body discomfort is just something that puberty does to us - all of us. It shakes us up and rattles our bones and we come through the other side with better awareness of who we are.

Equating transness with being gay and/or having a disability is a false equivalence and is insulting to all of those groups of people you have mentioned. They are individuals - not an amorphous mass.

There are trans people. They have every right to be trans. They don't change sex, though.

However, many who think they are trans are just exploring possibilities and finding themselves, and given time will realise that they are not trans. Others will realise that they are trans - that they have a genuine body dysmorphia. It is an informed awareness after they have had a chance for their brains and bodies to mature.

You're my Pa and I love you Da but bloody hell I hate you for smoking. The house stinks, the furniture and walls are stained yellow - and look what damage it is doing to your body!! You're getting treated for cancer. A smoking-induced cancer. You are cutting short your time with my and your grandkids because cigarettes are more important to you. You are a cigarette addict and refuse help. I hate you for it.

I hate that you ask me to pick up fags from the shop on my way to see you. I hate that you get mardy with me when I refuse to buy fags. So I buy them to keep the peace and I want to keep you happy because I love you.

Stop complaining to me about the COL crisis when your household income is literally double what mine is, and you know this. We're fine, so you're very, very fine. It makes you sound like a spoiled, ignorant asshole.

Fucking stand up to her and tell her she is in the wrong. Stop dancing around the issue because you don't like conflict. Other people depend on you too.

Shut up about your BDSM fetish. No, it is not a minority sexuality, you're just a standard straight man. And you do not need protection against discrimination, just have some fucking dignity and keep the explicit details of your sex life private.

Mother, every time we speak you tell me about something you saw on your iPad. It's a tablet made by Samsung, not an iPad, and for some reason it irritates me when you say otherwise.

Also, stop asking me to buy SIM cards for your extremely basic mobile phone. You know damned well you'll never use the bloody thing, despite me showing you umpteen times how to use it.

This is the same person who used to moan that my father would never show her how to use their laptop. I understand now that he probably tried loads of times, but she refuses to learn or remember or take notes.

Designer handbags and lip filler are a huge waste of money when you kid is going to school in crocs in the rain.

Sitting back and not chastising your child by saying "he's autistic, nothing I can do" is being a WANKER.

Labradoodles, Cockapoos, Snoodles, Yorkipoos, Puggles, Pomapoos, Pugapoos etc are overpriced, overbred glorifed MONGRALS.

I’m not a vegan 🤣🤣🤣

Stop treating your mother like shit, she doesn't deserve it.

If your son calls my daughter a fat lesbo one more time I'm going to come round and bully him back.

Your daughter is in a heterosexual relationship, her male partner is not ‘she’ and your daughter is not ‘they’.

Its nothing but attention seeking, they’re simply a young heterosexual couple, I wish you’d stop enabling this silliness.

Having blue hair is not an indicator of gender, sexuality or anything else except the decision to dye your hair a particular colour.

Your daughter spends every moment moaning at you and demanding you stay next to her when she's riding as she's massively overhorsed on her deranged pony. You should have bought her something less flashy looking that doesn't try and throw her off every 5 minutes.

I like dogs, I like your dog, and I don't mind looking after her when you go away. But you can cut out acting as if you're doing me some kind of massive favour rather than saving yourself the cost of boarding kennels.

Everyone thinks you're sweet and easy going but your a self centred hard crafty cow underneath

No one gives a flying fuck about your stupid "Thursday Thoughts and Thanks" messages posted all over our Teams boards - haven't you ever noticed it's only the same 2 or 3 (annoying/stupid) people who reply? What makes you think we want to hear your bloody ramblings?

Your lip fillers aren't natural and 'such a great job'. They are very obvious and literally everyone can tell you have them. Which is fine! Either own it or don't get them.

You are boring. Talking about yourself is dull. You should've learned this by the age of 54, but you have zero emotional intelligence.

When I yell about X or complain about Y, I'm really complaining about you. Read the room.

Get a job. Pay for childcare. Yes I know it'll nearly bankrupt you, that's what it does to everyone. Stop pretending you're above all that just because of your 'hopes and dreams'. Grow up.

That's better!

You do know dogs have been bred domestically for generations upon generations and they are in no way wild animals any more? Or did that pass you by?

Stop talking constantly about your kids when I am desperate for adult conversation. They are lovely, they are great , we know already