Things you can never say out loud in real life as you'll hurt the feelings of someone you like....

[hatetheplayernotthegame]

...stop buying puppies from breeders FFS.

So sick of people popping up with the latest - inevitably moustachiod dull as fuck doodle - puppy that they've bought from some back yard breeder.

I love dogs. The people who do this never seem to really like dogs much, if they did they'd consider adopting one of the gazillions dumpbed post-lockdown (bought by moustachio-doodle loving twats just like them).

We all know you were born into affluence because your parents worked hard.
We all know you went to private school because your parents worked hard
We all know everything in life has fallen into your lap because of the money given to you by parents who worked hard
We all know who funds your lifestyle, your businesses, your constant holidays and it isn't you.
Stop bitching about your mum calling her toxic because you wanted to use her for childcare so you could continue your rich lifestyle
Stop asking people what you did wrong now that she has cut you off
Stop showing off your 'celebrity life' on social media to ordinary folks
Stop constantly showing your photos on social media with your husband and children looking as if they would rather be somewhere else. Nobody is impressed.
Your mother is not impressed. She feels liberated now she has a life of her own after having worked for most of it for you and what did you learn despite having a career which also fell into your lap?
You learned to take take take and you still want more !
What the fuck is wrong with you?

Baby led weaning is ridiculous and your child is always hungry because most of their dinner ended up on their head.

Stop being such a fucking joy sucker!
Always finding the cloud in every silver lining… I am tired of pointing out that everything isn't awful.

To an ex work colleague who bullied me: "stop denying that you bullied me, I have proof, from emails which you were stupid enough to leave open on your PC and when my PC died and you had to dash off to an emergency suddenly, I saw them".

Said ex work colleague admitted drunkenly to her behaviour at my leaving do, crying and hugging me in toilets, me trying to back off but say "it's ok" just to get away from her. Next day on FB she writes "I had to go to Gonna's leaving do" (made it into a chore) - well you seemed quite happy getting pissed on cocktails there!

To same ex work colleague "own the fact that you're approaching 60, get trollied regularly and break your glasses, lose stuff" and it looks sad.

We’ve been friends since school and I will always hold you close - and I’ve been honest with you that I can’t give you the validation you’re searching for, I won’t condone your affair because I think you’re in the wrong. You know that, but what I don’t say to you is that I WISH your lovely, lovely husband would stop letting you treat him like absolute shite and leave you so he can have the better life he deserves. He is worth SO much more than you.

Just thought of someone else.

If you choose an organic wheat-free vegan diet and you buy fermented cashew 'cheese' at £8 a chunk and eat a whole chunk for lunch along with a £3.50 bottle of kombucha most days then you're going to have to stop complaining about not being able to turn the heating on. £50 a week on lunches alone is not 'average'.

Mother, a conversation goes two ways. It's not 2 hours of you talking 'at' people, spouting your vile, negative opinions, talking over people, taking disagreement with your opinions as a personal insult, and ending every mention of future events with "If I,m even still alive then". Switch off GBnews and talk tv FFS, no one wants to hear you regurgitate all their talking points every time we see you.
That's why we are all reluctant to visit you, that's why you don't get invited on holidays or trips out and that's why you have no friends because you're a miserable person to be around.

Your baby had you up 14 times last night because you won’t stop frantically rocking him all day, why would he want to sleep in a flat boring bed?! 🙈 But instead I act clueless and say ‘aw yeah he was a bit like that’ (he wasn’t) 😂

You know I don't have a TV so why do you keep asking me if I've watched x and then give me a blow by blow account of what I'm apparently missing

You have always been incredibly self-absorbed and selfish, and want everything to revolve around your own needs, and it's obvious that you can't stand that people aren't willing to accommodate that anymore.

You cannot handle drinking alcohol, but will not learn to temper your drinking accordingly, which means no one wants to go on a night out with you as you always pick a fight and then never apologise afterwards. This has been building for the last few years, and your obvious jealousy of specific people is awful to witness, particularly as they have not done anything to you to deserve it.

You constantly moan about how hard/busy/complicated your life is, without making any acknowledgment of the fact that you have structured it to be that way. You didn't have to buy a house that you can't really afford - the fact that this has put pressure on you and your husband to maintain your jobs and your current salary level was foreseeable. You will never be happy as you constantly compare yourself to others - your in-laws, your husbands friends, instead of taking stock of your own life and realising that you've actually got a pretty nice life!

You have recently started telling people all about your terrible childhood. Noticeably you're not mentioning this to your parents when they're lending you thousands of pounds for your house deposit and doing loads of childcare - which you also moan about, as your mum didn't retire as quickly as you wanted her to and sometimes has the audacity to book a holiday outwith school hols.

You have main character syndrome and do not seem to believe that everyone has a life outwith you - you demand so much emotional heavy lifting as a friend and do not offer anywhere near as much support back, because it's all about you!

If you are in the same situation as someone else, you always make sure it's clearly explained that it's harder for you, because of x reasons (usually under your own control and could be changed if needed)

And constantly talking about how easy it was to fall pregnant to your friends with fertility troubles is just you being a shitty friend.

Phew - I'm glad we're not friends anymore!!!

I love you dearly, but actually, yes, you are racist.

That’s funny as that is what people would say about being gay back in the day that it wasn’t scientific not normal it’s not an ideology as that means it’s not real. News flash trans people exist like gays do and disabled do that’s the reality but you do you

Your "dad" is clearly not your biological father. That "whirlwind" romance you speak of was clearly your already pregnant mother needing a father for her child (you), and your dad needing a visa. No, it's not remotely normal for your dad to have spent the vast majority of his married life living and working in a different country to his wife and children. No, you have not suffered racial discrimination, you look, act and sound like the peaches and cream English rose next door that you are. Your children behaving like hellcats is nothing to do with their "Mediterranean" heritage (which they don't have). They are brats because you and your husband are ineffectual parents.

Adding there and their as well as to, two and too.

🤣 I love an Oxford comma.

Colleague I know you're a PE teacher, but it doesn't mean that you can put random apostrophes in (Math's department 🙈) or omit them (girls football) on notices/ emails. We have a responsibility to teach the correct English language everywhere. It rips my actual knitting!😱

If I put some helpful worksheets in your pigeon hole you'd know it was me, so I can't!

You are so very wrong. My first was weaned the traditional way, total pain in the arse and she was always a very slight baby. Second was BLW, so easy and he was a great big fatty.

You could say it but you'd be wrong.

Absolutely both of these. Be tasteful.

Whilst I'm here: brother/ SIL stop putting fake flowers beside mam's grave, she hated them!

You've really messed your face up with all the fillers and botox, I jumped when I saw you, you were always beautiful and I get your struggling with ageing and your appearance but may I suggest learning to cook, doing some exercise and smiling more.

Once mum is gone I don't I tend to see either of you ever again.

You both blighted my "childhood" and I feel nothing but anger towards you.

In fact, once ds2 finishes his schooling I'm off and I won't be giving you a forwarding address :)

This would have been from my mother to her neighbour, No, my daughter is not lucky to have good O and A levels and to be a teacher, she worked bloody hard whereas your feckless daughter had exactly the same opportunity at the same grammar school left at 15 because she wanted to be out every night with a variety of lads.

It was one of the rare subjects about which I ever heard my mother criticise her neighbours.

The biggest problem in your failed relationships is your own behaviour.

Stop trying to hug and kiss my 14 year old daughter you fucking fat sleazebag.

If you don’t want me there you should have said . I could have found a better solution myself . You’re making it incredibly obvious that you invited me out of obligation and not any real desire to have me there . Do you know how utterly soul destroying it is to realise this?

You’re an utter twat and what’s worse is you’re making a twat out of him too . I don’t get what he sees in you at all .

The worst thing is I defended you . I sat when they were all saying how much they didn’t like you and I said ‘I’m sure she’s very nice really and we’re not being very fair’ .

I was wrong and I’ve never felt so gutted as I did when the penny dropped that actually, you don’t appear to care at all .

How are you not embarrassed buying that shitty Daily Fail every day?

@MrsMorrisey I really hope you snap one day and actually say that.