I can't afford to live normally anymore, what's the point?

[savingallmylove]

No this isn't a suicidal thread! I'm not depressed. But I don't see a way out and it's terrifying

I don't have enough money coming in to cover food for myself properly. I'm living on soup and a few handouts from church (that I don't attend)

Now, I can't work so what do I do?

I'm a carer for my disabled child. When he's at school, I'm sleeping mostly or running errands that need doing, life admin etc

My monthly income no longer covers everything. There is no wiggle room, and I don't even have 'Netflix' or Spotify - my mum pays for my account as it's her family account

My son does swimming and horse riding but they're paid for by his DLA.

What on earth do I do? No it isn't a begging thread before someone reports me - My mum and dad will certainly feed me if I was starving or short!! But others aren't so fortunate to have family help if they're desperate

I've heard things are going to get a little tight in the UK over the next couple of years ( I don't live there anymore, so please don't judge me if I'm wrong)

It's not that you're wrong, it's that things went past a little tight several years ago, and past dire before the pandemic, cost of living crisis and
"unstable" economy (to put it politely), happened.

But the child here isn't going without food to fund riding sessions. If they were, then yes I would agree.

Riding sessions may be as important as physio sessions or speech therapy - would you stop those and call them a frivolity?

Although I would say even before activities are cut, have you done a full detailed budget? Sometimes we can be wasting/missing money and not even notice. And even £10/£20 saved over the month can make a difference when you’re sitting with no food. I always make sure I’ve got at least enough for bread and beans, even if that meant (when I was struggling badly) walking miles instead of getting the bus anywhere, budgeting strongly etc.

It’s very hard. But I think the first step is to prioritise and budget.

How does it impact on one’s health to give money?

It doesn’t, does it? OP is doubtless being generous. The truth is, he isn’t giving money to her because he does not want to.

Even JSA would make a small cut for child maintenance. Isn’t it a princely sum of £5 a week?

If you bothered to read rather than assume, you would see he is unwell.
Engage brain first, then 'mouth'.

@RedToothBrush . If you read her post, her son is eating fine. And the horse riding will most likely be subsidised.

OP said that the father is unable to help financially because of his health, not that he’s unwilling to do it.

Well what does he live on then? Fresh air? NRPs on benefits still have to pay child maintenance don't they?

How does your son cope being at school if he only sleeps 3hrs at night?

But the child’s full time carer (who is unable to work due to her caring duties) is going without food.

So in the hierarchy of importance

full time personal care
horse riding
swimming lessons

It needs to not be looked at as taking away from the child to give to someone else. This full time care is also something he needs, and yes, I’d rate it as more important than the other things.

If your benefits that you are receiving are not enough to feed your household then you need to contact the job centre and tell them so.
If you are in receipt of all the available benefits and without spending money on any luxuries apart from £20 a month on some horse riding lessons something has gone wrong.
Seek assistance you must not be receiving the correct amount. If your child is in need of care 24/7 as advised you should be in receipt of the higher rate as well as your carers allowance / council tax etc etc.
It sounds like somewhere a calculation is incorrect.

This

I did see that.

I bet if the op was unwell, she'd struggle through and look after her child

From reading your post I think you’re looking more just to know you’re not on your own. You sound like a wonderful parent who cares very deeply for your son and his well being! You’re doing the very best you can under the circumstances!

perhaps OP could use less advice and more common ground. There are an awful lot of people in a terrible position currently and the cost of living really is a crisis! It’s ok to feel like life is less enjoyable (because it is!) but it will get better. Things will improve, it will just take some time. Hang in there OP!

But it is a bit odd the son is eating well while the mother is not.

I do think some things don’t fully add up here. There have been some dick responses but even so, it’s a bit of a strange thread.

How many hours do you sleep at night?

Do you have 24:7 responsibility for a disabled child?

Do you care for that child a minimum of 20 hours per day.

no no no no no. Obviously not. Otherwise you wouldn't be suggesting she goes out to work in the few hours he's at school.

FMD You should get a job in Govt youd fut right in!

This is the most hilarious post ever ! As if the job centre are going to turn around, here have another £50 a week as you are struggling. That's not going to happen. The only help available to op is charitable help.

Don’t know. That’s why I agree that he should look after his son so the mother can work, for financial reasons and so that she doesn’t know feel trapped.,

Are you getting all the benefits you are entitled to if on Universal Credit disabled child element and carers element? Might be worth using a benefit checker.

OMG people RTFT

More to the point you only have to read OP's posts.

Child's father has been deeply unwell with septic shock and hasn't been able to work for 18 months.

He is presumably having to live on state handouts like the child and the child's mum are.

There are many deadbeat dads in the world but PLEASE don't add on to the OP's stress levels by making her have to defend the child's dad again.

OP I'm sorry you're going through such a shit time. Those activities sound wonderful for your son.

What sort of financial position are your parents and siblings in? Are they in a position to help you out financially for 6-12 months?

Hey. I run a foodbank and we would be absolutely glad to support you and your son. We'd also be able to get you to chat to our financial inclusion officer who could help make sure you were getting everything you're entitled to. Your son's swimming and horse riding is really important, and it wouldn't affect a foodbank referral. I'm quite ashamed of some of these comments, be assured that foodbanks across the country will support you and your choices wholeheartedly. Sending you love (which I know is most un-MNetty!)

Yes - state handouts don’t mean you don’t have to pay child maintenance, @ThereIbledit

Many, many disabled children survive on very little sleep. My autistic son does. I don’t know how he copes. I barely cope. But he does. It’s part of the disability.
Im not sure your question was asked in good faith, though. It sounds like you disbelieve the OP when she says her son sleeps 3-4 hours a night.

@foodbankfi Thank you for posting this, I hope OP comes back on here and reads it but it's likely some of the sanctimonious and ignorant twats on here have scared her off.

The most important thing you can do right now is put on your own oxygen mask.

Feeding yourself has to come before enrichment activities for your son.