I can't afford to live normally anymore, what's the point?

[savingallmylove]

No this isn't a suicidal thread! I'm not depressed. But I don't see a way out and it's terrifying

I don't have enough money coming in to cover food for myself properly. I'm living on soup and a few handouts from church (that I don't attend)

Now, I can't work so what do I do?

I'm a carer for my disabled child. When he's at school, I'm sleeping mostly or running errands that need doing, life admin etc

My monthly income no longer covers everything. There is no wiggle room, and I don't even have 'Netflix' or Spotify - my mum pays for my account as it's her family account

My son does swimming and horse riding but they're paid for by his DLA.

What on earth do I do? No it isn't a begging thread before someone reports me - My mum and dad will certainly feed me if I was starving or short!! But others aren't so fortunate to have family help if they're desperate

Yes it will
You can spend DLA on anything you want.

The OP said some things were 'covered', i.e. implied that some things were taken care of through a care package separate from DLA.

As it's not clear, no point speculating about the details right now really.

I think the confusion is that the OP is getting around 2k a month in benefits but can't afford food. The subsidised swimming and horse riding has very little impact on that. PP says she should use the money on other things, but she's getting over £500 a month more from his DLA so she IS using it on lots of other things.

Unless you have a decently paid job and family or a carer to assist, you accept you won't be fine dining and need to eat everyday foods like soup. I eat well in similar circumstances, feeling trapped living with disability can be difficult but it's a separate issue. There is much lacking in education, housing and care, but i'm grateful to live in a country where people get that much in benefits.

If you can spare an hour a day try working at home for Cambly. An hour a day will cover your food for the week easily

Have you missed the post by the OP where she states that he is recovering from an illness and his own mother cares for him?

Hi OP haven't read the whole tread - just to say hats off to your determination to maintain your son's standard of care. I think it would be morally OK if you diverted some of his DLA to your food budget as he needs you, but if you refuse to do that, respect.

And (being an insomniac myself) I don't think you have to explain yourself re. sleeping during the day. If you need that you need it.

Hope you find a way to square the circle.

I was being sarcastic about all the suggestions that's what the OP should so easily do.

OP, could you just ..?

"You can't just spend it on what you see fit. The award letter explains it's for the disabled person And the disabled person only"

You are taking that too literally. Food, bills, housing costs etc etc all the essentials are still for him - he needs warmth, shelter, food and you fit and well to care for him.

Have you also missed the post in which the OP states that his own mother cares for him?

If he can't care for himself how is he meant to care for his son?

Yes something is not adding up. Higher rate DLA and the higher rate disability child element alone comes to almost 1k a month. Whilst I acknowledge that basic benefits are not enough to live on, when a child is severely disabled the rates ( quite rightly) jump hugely in recognition that costs are increased and the parent likely cannot work.

If she has a car for him they'll have lost all the mobility part of the allowance for a start. DLA doesn't go far when the person has complex needs. It's ridiculous for people to be saying "you must be lying, it's definitely enough to live on". You have no idea what her expenses are.

Are you speaking in your capacity as an expert in therapies for children with very severe developmental needs or just as one of a line of posters posting from their armchairs of ignorance about the level of disability the OP describes?

PP was right - someone definitely left the door to the cunt farm open tonight. Apparently people can't even be bothered to read the OP's posts before lecturing her.

I don't think you understand how dla works. You can't work due to your sons disability therefore the entire dla can be used in lieu of a wage on any household needs at all.

Is that the ex-partner who is currently suffering septic shock? The one that OP has explained needs his own carer atm?

brilliant suggestion 🙄

The only thing with certain grants from your LA or energy company is that they need proof that you have explored every other option, need your bank statements showing income and outgoings, energy and water bills blah blah.
I helped a friend who was struggling
(not in the OP's situation re child with disability) and the list of details they wanted, even charity grants, was long, with proof needed at every turn. I do realise that they have an obligation to disperse the money to those in real need and I'm certainly all for that but in the end she got nothing once they (CAB all the others) had done their sums. They did give advice as to where she could make cuts in her expenses, some if which was good, however the energy company, OVO, said she could pay extra in the summer to cover winter costs. This was in Feb 2022.
What made me annoyed in her behalf was that they sent her some leaflets including recipes for 'inexpensive' meals and batch cooking which seems to be the thing to do 🙄🤔 but not if you can't afford to buy ingredients.
They also advised working more hours or doing a course to get a better paid job.
A lot of effort for no result.
I hope the OP persists and has better luck. Any food bank nearby besides the church which was mentioned? Olio app has free food collected from supermarkets on offer daily. See if you have food heros nearby who do the collections.
Good luck. 🍀😁

OP - If I were in your shoes, I would work from home - surely you can spare 2 hours a day? Sign up to Cambly and chat with students who want to practice their English.It's a piece of cake. You can make $100 a week doing this for just 2 hours a day. That's roughly £360 a month. That should cover all your expenses in terms of food and making your lives easier to manage.

Even taking off any payment for the mobility component in lieu of the car comes to £1500 + a month for bills and food and child's activities.

It is beyond belief isn't it? I knew about the cupboard, I just didn't realize it was so full! 😆😆😆

BTW you'll definately qualify for the reduced water bill rate. (someone's chucked the link up earlier)

@PipinwasAuntieMabelsdog agree!

@Neome 👏

Perplexed by the OP's financial situation, and absolutely dumbfounded at some of the responses. Responses from a lot of people who very obviously didn't read the thread and, worse, from those who have had empathy-, compassion- and humanity-bypasses.

This is the list of things I'd be doing in the OPs situation:

1. Revisit the funding for respite care. Go back to whichever agency agreed it, and advise them it is not working. Consider requesting a higher hourly rate and/or seeking overnight cover (at home) to allow a proper sleep.
2. Check via CAB, online calculators, MSE Benefits forum to ensure all eligible benefits have been claimed.
3. Also check MSE site for their budgeting forum. You can anonymously detail your income, outgoings (including any debts). There is tremendous advice that comes from forum members advising of ways to reduce outgoings/debts.
4. Consider moving in with parents if at all possible.
5. Join specific online fora where other parents with children with disabilities share their worries and concerns. They are also a source of inspiration as to how to get the best value, find resources etc. etc. I think SCOPE has a specific forum like this.
6. While you're working through the above to ensure you're getting the correct benefits and you're using those benefits to your best advantage ... make sure consider all the suggestions about OLIO, TooGoodToGo, Supermarket Magic/Wonky Bags/Boxes etc. to access fresh food that is more diverse than simply soup.

I hope you're able to do the above, and take up any other suggestions on this thread except, obviously, the ones suggesting you halt your child's therapeutic activities, find yourself a job or chase the child's ill father.

I genuinely hope you find a way through this extremely difficult situation.

Donald Trump just popped on the thread! Sad.

What they mean in that DLA letter is that you're not to spend the money on getting your hair or nails done.

Not that it can only go on individual food items or activities for your child that you get no benefit from whatsoever.

You can of course buy more fruit or veg or eggs or meat, or get a patch of mould in a bathroom fixed using that money.

Though I absolutely agree with @Neome, both wrt her assessment of the policy element and the personal observations.