When I go to my children's houses when they're grown up I'm going to

[Dustingdemon]

Put a nearly empty milk bottle back in the fridge.
Turn on all the lights in the house and leave.
Tell them at 10pm that I need something desperately for the next day that they have absolutely no way of getting in time.

Your turn.

Yes, very damp towels on the bed. Dirty clothes on the floor. Toothpaste all over the washbasin. Sit at a desk with a computer game on and shout loudly. Keep ramming stuff in the kitchen bin rather than empty it.

Seriously, mine aren’t too bad but they do the above.

Drag all the cushions off the sofas, pull the (already made) beds and roll around in the duvets until they are half hanging out of the cover 😂

Smash the glass oven door when I’m house sitting while they’re on holiday abroad and ring them to tell them so so they worry the rest of the holiday

Wrestle with my husband incessantly on the living room rug, pull all the cushions off their sofa onto the floor and make sure I turn all the lights and tv's on in every in single room simultaneously.

I'm going to smear my fingers on every window (both sides).

@Nocaloriesinchocolate my MIL did something similar in 2003! The then 8 and 5 year old grew up significantly more thoughtful.

Leave dirty socks everywhere.

Everywhere.

@RosesAndHellebores the frustrating thing is he still, some years later, can’t explain how it happened!

Drop crumbs everywhere and have a tantrum in the supermarket embarrassing them.

demand printer ink at @9.30 at night when a drive to a supermarket is required for such ink!
scramble eggs/make porridge without washing up after me
offer to make food but take 4 hours to cook a not very large meal

Call them at 1am.

State quickly and confidently that I didn't miss the last train home.
Explain in vague tones that it's been cancelled, even though the train line app mysteriously say it wasn't - how confusing.
Mention the local cab company aren't picking up.
Then say that, actually, I do feel a bit vulnerable right now..

When they come to pick me up I'll also have 3 of my friends with me and ask awfully if we could drop them off to their door.
And no, they don't live particularly close to home.
Or each other in fact.

Having got into their warm car I'll adjust the stereo to a station of my choice.

And then promptly fall asleep for the entire journey.

If their house is tidy congratulate myself for FINALLY teaching them, if it's untidy apologise for doing such a piss poor job as a parent.

@forlornlorna1 I think you are my hero too!

I will get them to drive me to the pub, and pick me up again from a random friend's house at a quarter to three in the morning.

mine is really young’s o this is probably unfair but:

I will put stickers on every surface and then cry at the suggestion of their removal.

I will leave my shoes in front of the door so nobody can open it.

I will complain about the food I’ve been given and then leave a mess all over the floor.

😂😂😂😂😂😂😂

Tell all my friends to visit, any time, day or night, including staying over for days on end.
And that my friends (and random acquaintances) are particularly welcome when too drunk to go back to their own houses, when having a crisis or when I'm not there, and ideally all three.

Eat the last part of something and leave the empty wrapper in the cupboard or put it by the bin but not in the bin.
Drop crisp /biscuit wrapper on the floor and leave it there.
Sit on the sofa and moan about how late tea is even though I've done nothing to help.

Use up every last thing of toiletries, snacks and food and not include it on the list for the weekly shop.

Steal the kitchen scissors and leave it in my bedrooms so they will have to open every drawer in the kitchen to find it to cut something before yelling upstairs.

Leave the freezer door open so that the freezer needs to be de-frosted overnight to work properly.

Hold the fridge door open for 20 minutes while repeating "I'm starving and there's nothing to eat".

Shower for the entire length of a Taylor Swift album. At full volume.

Leave socks every. I mean everywhere.

Put shoes at the top or bottom of stairs for optimal trip hazardry.

Is that you, DH?

on my first visit I'll wake up at 3am borrow their car,crash it into a fence,leave it there, lock the car door, return to the house, go to sleep.
When the Police turn up to the door,deny any knowledge of crashed car.

On the next visit I'll return very drunk and get them to sit up all night next to me..whilst I vomit throughout the night.
Then I'll wake with no hangover and ask for a fry up... even though they won't have had a wink of sleep.

On the next visit I'll get drunk again but this time I'll vomit in the single toilet. I'll make sure the vomit covers every wall and the floor. Then I'll go to bed and get them to clean the dried vomit, that they'll step in as they open the door.

Tread mud and wet grass through the house and grind it in to the pale carpet.

When challenged, deny it was me, even though I am still wearing the minging (football) boots and am clearly at the end of the trail of filth and obviously responsible.

@blueshoes In some strange way it comforts me to know that I am not the only one who comes downstairs to an open, over frosted freezer in the morning.

Push empty crisp packets down the side of the armchair because I can't be bothered to get up to go to the bin. Also, walk through the living room in muddy trainers and when challenged say 'but the mud is DRY'.