When I go to my children's houses when they're grown up I'm going to

[Dustingdemon]

Put a nearly empty milk bottle back in the fridge.
Turn on all the lights in the house and leave.
Tell them at 10pm that I need something desperately for the next day that they have absolutely no way of getting in time.

Your turn.

Open all cupboards and drawers in the kitchen. Rummage. Leave- And leave open.

Shower without moving the bath mat next to shower. Step out. Create mini swimming pool on bathroom floor. Leave.

Put washing on. Leave it in there forever

Empty dishwasher BUT get distracted 1/3 way through and leave with door and drawers open.

As soon as arrive home before saying hello see step one at top of list.

Ah yes, and put the dirty washing into the machine - but not turn on the machine.

Leave decaying sandwiches at the bottom of school.

Tell them two minutes before departure for a match that the vital sports jersey / socks / shorts is in the wash

Put every item
of clothing I own in their washing basket.

Glitter - I'm going to drop glitter all over the house in little bits that they'll be finding for years.

Tiny bits of paper everywhere too.

Run grubby hands on the walls up the stairs.

And one sticky finger print on the tv.

And stick stickers on windows.

Smear make up on the carpet, bedside table and mattress. Also block the toilet.

Empty dishwasher BUT get distracted 1/3 way through and leave with door and drawers open.

And then return moments later to add dirty dishes on top of the 2/3 clean ones

Tell them I'm pregnant.

They'll be stunned as I'm 62

‘Borrow’ tweezers, hairdryer and mirror. Either break or lose vital part.

eat a whole block of cheese (or just ‘borrow’ it).

spend at least 1/2 hr in the shower and an hour in the bathroom.

be 3 hours late with no comms.

claim to be 10 mins away, but do this 3 times.

catch the bus in the wrong direction then phone in a panic asking what to do or even better ask where I am, describe it and expect them to know.

Put clean washing in the laundry basket so it's washed again for no reason but because I can.

Stand for half an hour in the rain trying to work the key safe.
Have the poor dog so excited to be released that he wees on my shoes.
Realise the poor things haven’t had time to get their laundry done so spend my day swapping it around and getting it dry.
Go into town to buy milk for my tea because they don’t use milk and I dislike coffee that tastes of porridge.
Empty and load the dishwasher.
Make the beds once the bedding is dry.
Walk the dog.
Chat to the new neighbours.
Look around and smile and think they’ve done OK. They’ve a lovely little house that they have worked incredibly hard to buy. It has a lovely settled feeling, with invitations on the mantelpiece and a sense of belonging to their community.

Lie on the floor and scream, hit, kick, punch, poke, bite, roar and then wail that they hurt me ON PURPOSE, refuse to get ready until they make moves to leave without me and then lie on the floor and scream, refuse to put my shoes on and when child1 puts them on for me, take them off and lie on the floor and scream that I wanted child 2 to put them on, refuse to make a choice when given 2 options and then lie on the floor and scream I wanted the other thing, ask factual questions and then get angry about the answer, wake up at 6 screaming that I'm hungry, tell them they're poo, refuse to let them take my night nappy off before breakfast, wait till they sit down to have their own breakfast and then start freaking out because I need the toilet NOW, do a shit and refuse to get off the pot until the whole of house stinks. I could go on, it's been a pretty rubbish morning...

Write my name on the side of the door but say I didn’t do it.

Give them a vintage video player then post a jam sandwich into the slot

Leave a trail of cushions and craft supplies and dog-eared books across the living room floor.

And hoard every pair of scissors in a hiding place, then ask where the scissors are, at the most inconvenient time, obvs...

Along with everything else mentioned (except the yogurt stuff, as we rarely have them for some reason).

I'll just be very grateful if I get invited over!

Reheat uncovered spaghetti bolognese at Maximum in the microwave for 5 minutes and leave the sauce splattered all over the inside.

Write someone else's name on the door that couldn't possibly have written it - the baby and deny that I did it!

Put empty cereal packets back in the cupboard.

Hide their work passes to give them some excitement in the morning.

Never empty water out when I've had a bath.

Leave the front door wide open if I'm the last one through it!

But if you leave the lid yoghurt side up on a sofa arm it can fall down to the carpet yoghurt side down.

Leave empty packaging in the fridge, freezer, cupboards.

leave biscuit packets open so they all go soft and become inedible!

place the recycling on the kitchen counter above the drawer which holds the recycling bins

Take all their neatly folded clothes and place them in a heap on the bedroom floor

Put pointy dinosaurs everywhere

Walk into their bedroom half an hour after they've gone to bed and tell them all about what 'popular' bitch Evie said to 'nerdy' nice Evie and then what Poppy said on Whatsapp about it and what Lizzie's Mum thought of it and why Oliver (who use to be called Olivia) thinks it's because popular Evie is jealous because nerdy Evie is actually much better than her at hockey and scored more goals at practice two days ago, oh, and I'm really upset because you've never taken me to a concert (no, those music festivals we go to every year don't count) and I have to go to one and you'll never take me and I really really really want to go to one that I've never even mentioned before ever and has tickets on sale from tomorrow morning for only £100 each and Oliver already had advanced tickets and goes all the time with their Mum who is so much cooler than you and why are you so mean and never let me go to a concert when I've never expressed any desire to go to one before and I am so upset and really really want to go cries for half an hour

“I'll have very, very long showers without opening any windows to let out the steam. I will spray myself with huge quantities of Lynx to mingle with said steam then open the door so everyone can enjoy it. I'll leave my soaking wet towel bunched up on hook to 'dry' on the back of my door.”

This ^ but at 1 in the morning.

Ignore them all day then suddenly want interaction at bedtime!

Take one of my tools and "fix" their TV, get into their bed in the middle of the night and refuse to be covered by blankets, stare at them whilst they're getting dressed and excitedly comment on the fact that they have a penis, piss in their bathtub, throw my plates on the floor, browbeat them into letting me do something they say will go wrong only for it to go wrong instantly, get under their feet all the time, ignore all the entertainment on offer in favour of playing with the doors and winding my siblings up.