When I go to my children's houses when they're grown up I'm going to

[Dustingdemon]

Put a nearly empty milk bottle back in the fridge.
Turn on all the lights in the house and leave.
Tell them at 10pm that I need something desperately for the next day that they have absolutely no way of getting in time.

Your turn.

Oh dear lord....... that's a bad one.,....

Sleep in their bed, when I appear asleep and they go downstairs, give them half and hour then go and down and make them go back to bed, repeat 3x a night!
Insist I follow them everywhere including bath, toilet both 1s and 2s
Tell them I don't like a certain food even though I have never tasted/attempted to try it
Make them watch screaming you tubers who just literally scream that's it
Insist on going on my bike/scooter when walking the dog, knowing full well I'm going to complain my legs are sore 5 minutes into it and make them hold my hand, handle the dog and push said bike/scooter

Cook myself a meal using several pots and pans, and inexplicably every utensil in the entire kitchen.

Haha

I always threatened that when they grew up and had their own places I was going to use their sofa like a trampoline like they did with mine. All left home years ago, I tell them I'm going to do it when they least expect it.

Crying laughing at this

Leave sock donuts 🍩 all around the house.

Wet towels on beds.

Caps off anything that has a cap.

Put Empty chocolate wrappers in the fridge!!!!

Pile up the contents of their house up the side of/on the stairs, then walk past/over it all and say I didn't notice anything that needed taking upstairs

I am already at this point and think I am doing quite well. Last time I visited I rang their doorbell repeatedly at 2 second intervals as they didn't answer the door quickly enough, then scattered all my bags in the hall as I legged it upstairs to the toilet. (It is a long journey, in my defence ). I then asked to borrow a pair of black tights as I had laddered mine. I also plugged my phone into her charger as I couldn't be arsed getting mine out of my bag a foot away from me. I finished her chocolate digestives. I picked up all the recycling from the lounge (shared accommodation so lots of empty alcohol bottles) and sorted it into categories but left it all over the kitchen worktops instead of taking it to the bins. I also expected to be thanked for this. When I arrived home I sent her a really loud Snapchat video at 2am.

(In my defence before anyone misses the lighthearted and judges me, I gave her money for more black tights and bought her more digestives when I took her to Aldi and bought her the whole of the shop, including a toaster from the middle aisle. Im sure I will also be paying the bill for charging my phone!)

Step one is obviously the lavish midnight feast, requiring the use of every available plate and glass.
Step two: I'm going to go into the washing basket, turn everything inside out and scrunched into a ball, and sprinkle mystery bits of fluff, plus crumbs from my feast, right through it, to get onto the floor when they try to sort it out.
I'll come back in the afternoon to indignantly wonder why there's nothing left for 'breakfast' (I ate it all the night before).

Hmm, my parents are coming to feed my cats tomorrow. Bit actually since I was an angel child. I'll come home to a spotless bathroom. if my mum thinks mine isn't clean to her standard, she'll clean it again. 😂😂

Apply fake tan and then leave fake tan streaks on everything I touch.

Leave false eye lashes in random places so they can freak everyone out thinking it's a spider.

Leave half drunk cans of pop in my wake

Tell them at length about a programme they've never watched, including characters and plot lines. Then huff and puff when they don't care.

Hoard cups, plates and cutlery in my room then moan when they say that I have to eat my soup with a bloody fork.

To be fair I'm sure I do my teens head in too. She's off to uni next year and I will miss her, even her messy bedroom.

Bellow a barely recognisable hello, leave a trail of clothes while I change into something else and immediately demand a lift somewhere whilst bolting down two boxes of cereal swimming in a pool of milk (bonus points to leave milk puddles and let the Labrador eat the socks).

Have a poo in their toilet and not pull the flush. Ideally at night time so then it isn't noticed until the morning and leaves a horrible smell. I would also turn my skid-marked underwear inside-out, put them in the washing basket so they touch it when sorting out a load for the machine.

I'd play a game of Fortnite in the bedroom and scream and shout so loud that they can't hear what they're watching on tv... all the way downstairs in the living room.

I would sit in my bedroom in broad daylight with my curtains closed and the light on.

I'd wake up every morning and say I can't go to school because I feel poorly. Then when that doesn't work, I will get angry and upset and tell them I already know everything so I don't need to go to school, and explain how it's torture and it's not fair they're making me go.

I could go on.... 🙈

I've always sworn that I will visit and wake up at random intervals through the night and scream for no particular reason. Every time I stop and they relax I will start up again. Then the next morning when they have to be up doing things I will fall into a peaceful deep sleep as if nothing was ever an issue. (still utterly traumatised by first DSs babyhood and toddlerhood sleeping).

For anyone who has younger children and wants to get ahead of the curve, this may be helpful to you

https://www.mumsnet.com/talk/amiibeingunreasonable/3838144-aibu-to-think-i-can-t-be-the-only-parent-who-does-the-same-things-we-tell-our-dc-off-for-especially-teenagers?reply=94417147

Wiggle about on the sofa saying I definitely DO NOT need a wee. Then wee all over the sofa.

Leave a poo in the loo for them to find.

Say I don’t have anything that needs washing, wait for them to put the machine on then produce a weeks worth of dirty clothes for them to wash.

Pick at my dinner saying I’m not a fan despite not suggesting any meal options that I WOULD like to eat.

Upon arrival at their house, I will go straight to their fridge and take out probably what they're having for Dinner that evening and go cook it myself, leaving the kitchen an absolute shit tip... go lay on their bed and eat my food. Once finished I will leave the plate etc in their bedroom and go back to the kitchen to get a drink, slopping it all up the stairs. Any other snacks will be half eaten and left under the bed with the plate and cup.
If anyone comes into the bedroom, I will immediately ask them to go away and shut the door behind them.
Then proceed to take a 3 hour bath, once dried and dressed, I will leave the wet towel on the floor, toilet seat in the upright position, toothpaste lid off and the hot tap still running, then I will go through to the living room and ask them what's for Dinner cos I'm starving having only eaten the one meal today, which I had to make myself!

To be fair as soon as my eldest moved out he became as pernickety and tidy as his father !

Use up all the loo roll and leave the empty tube on the holder, not replace it.,

Use the last of the shampoo/shower gel and leave the empty bottle there.
Or, open a new bottle of ditto, when there’s enough left in the old one - if I could be arsed to give it a shake and get it out.

Leave my room an absolute tip, stuff scattered everywhere, and then phone from 150 miles away and say, ‘I really really need X - can you find and send it please?’

’Ok, where is it?’
’I don’t know, in my room somewhere…’

Ask what’s for dinner. Complain. Refuse to eat the meal dd has made for me or pick all the bits out I supposedly don’t like and put them on the table beside me. Be defiant at every opportunity, never missing a trick to eye roll or tell dd how little she knows. Ask her repeatedly what she’s going to wear tomorrow, again if we go out. Tell her frequently how horrible her clothes are and how I don’t want my friends to see her wearing that. Bring a selection of clothes, insist on wearing the same outfit, put it in the wash, ask for it to be washed asap and feign surprise when it isn’t clean and dry for the next day. Have half hour showers late at night with the music on loud, leave puddles on the floor, hair conditioner all over the shower and toothpaste in the sink. Offer zero assistance, leave my plate and cup exactly where it is after every meal, expect to be asked at least 3 times for any basic help eg to unstack the dishwasher. Squeeze eye lash glue all over the carpet and generally pout as much as possible.

Nah, you’ll probably end up bringing them toilet roll, cleaning supplies, tidying up and cleaning their toilet.

*"Apply fake tan and then leave fake tan streaks on everything I touch.

Leave false eye lashes in random places so they can freak everyone out thinking it's a spider."*

Oh God yes @MissMogwai. When you do the fake tan, don't forget to leave a weird glove on the bathroom floor for someone to step on and get fake tan on their feet. Also ask your DC at a most inconvenient moment to help with applying it your back. When you have finished ask them repeatedly if it's even. After a few hours have a tantrum that it's streaky (while they spend half an hour helping you lace up a complicated tiny corset top thing)

<packs large bottle of St. Moritz and weird glove in preparation for next visit>

Pour a huge glass of orange juice, take a swig of it and pour the rest down the sink.

Lol. I hope we don’t graduate to this. My 14 yo doesn’t ask for help and she is constantly streaky, orange and has stained hands. I bought the black and white school photo this year as her face looked dirty!