When I go to my children's houses when they're grown up I'm going to

[Dustingdemon]

Put a nearly empty milk bottle back in the fridge.
Turn on all the lights in the house and leave.
Tell them at 10pm that I need something desperately for the next day that they have absolutely no way of getting in time.

Your turn.

My one and only has gone to Uni this year. It’s been a month and you really don’t know what you’ve got until it’s gone. All my towels are dry and tidy, the fridge is as I left it and it’s money rather than Lego these days.
It’s like 18 years didn’t happen and I hate it.

Sorry. As you were.

Dirty every plate cup glass until there's none left, leave them all over the house.
Bang on the door and lean on the doorbell at 3-5Am and say i forgot my key.

Yes I forgot that one! And they will have to give me marks out of ten for the fifty seven shitty cartwheels I do. When they say that the one I just did was an eight or nine, they can justify in detail why they deducted the mark and it wasn't a ten!

I will bring glitter to their house and sprinkle it everywhere.

I will do the same with slime. If they complain about the slime, I will dab uselessly at it with a piece of kitchen roll and say there I've cleaned it up and you don't let me enjoy ANYTHING.

😂

I won't criticise anything.
I'll listen to everything they want to tell me.
I'll ask if they want any help with anything.
I'll only visit when i'm invited or when i've checked with them first.
I'll ask if they want me to bring anything.
I'll compliment their efforts and tell them how proud I am and make sure they know i'm always there for them even though they're grown and no longer live at home.

Take the back of the tv remote control and then lose it forever.

Swing on all their dining room chairs, and weaken them. My friend still hasn't got over landing on the floor with her glass of red wine!

Pick my toe nails and leave them on the arm of the sofa. 🤮

My two are grown up,my son still lives with us and I never go to my daughter's house because it's a tip.

What is it with teenagers waiting til this time to tell us all their problems! I thought it was just mine ! I'm glad she does talk to me obvs but why now!!

Gawd. I wish you had been my mother. Your children are very lucky.

This particularly from returning from uni

I will refuse to go to sleep until I have been handed a cuddly toy, but I will refuse to say which toy I want, forcing her to either offer each in turn, or to sit in stalemate until a decision is made.

I will also ask if I can have a desert every eight seconds between finishing my meal and when she finishes hers.

I will rub my face affectionately against her shoulder/top/skirt and only later will she discover that I used her as a hanky.

(in her defence, she isn't four yet)

Moan about what's for dinner and eat it without saying thank you.

Have a huge turd and not flush it. 💩💩💩💩

Get a glass out of the cupboard, fill with water and drink. Think that I’m still thirsty so will put the glass down, get out another and have another glass of water. Maybe finish it. Decide I want squash now. Get out another glass. Etc.

Say I’m not hungry when dinner’s ready. Change my mind 30 minutes later. Make 10 pieces of toast and butter them with an axe and cook a bag of chips. Maybe leave the oven on to really rack up those bills. Perhaps accidentally set the timer to go off sometime close to midnight. Repeatedly shout ‘I didn’t do it. How was I supposed to know?’ the following day when they have the audacity to complain they had to stagger out of bed at midnight to find the source of the beep.

Teenagers…

Do the biggest snottiest sneeze over every phone, tablet, laptop, and if I can manage it, TV screen.

Ask them why my phone/tablet is on 3% charge, as apparently the charger by my bed doesn’t automatically insert itself in said devices, and that’s their fault somehow

Wait for them to sit down with a cuppa to watch something on TV, then demand they turn it off as me and my three mates want to watch YouTube videos of animated marble runs

Ask for a new water bottle and have it literally vanish into thin air within 5 hours

Beg for a goldfish and spend three hours adoring it, then never clean or feed the poor thing again as they’ll be charmed to do it

I’m going to go to bed early and wait until I hear DC have tidied up and gone to bed. I’m then going to get back up, turn all the lights on, cook something messy in the kitchen, take it back to bed and spill it on my sheets. I’m also going to be very angry if anyone dares to imply I do these things (every night).

Sorry to be a spoilsport.....
I'm going to respect his home and leave it exactly as I find it.
My son was an absolute dream child, I taught him how to look after a home and he helped me before he left home, hence me wanting to be good in his home😇🥰

Put five pairs of jeans on ONE side of the washer, add double the detergent, and when the washer begins "walking" and spewing suds everywhere, claim, "I DO NOT KNOW WHAT HAPPENED!!!"

I will:

Leave empty crisp packets and drinks under sofas

In return I think they will:

Send me to bed early
Check my phone
Question me endlessly about what is going on in my life
Turn the internet off at 11pm.

On a side note. I like milk bottles with a little left put back in the fridge so their is enough for a cup of tea in the morning. Noone should ever finish milk unless they are willing to buy a new bottle before tea is NEEDED in the morning.

Make toast and leave lots of crumbs in the butter.

catch the bus in the wrong direction then phone in a panic asking what to do or even better ask where I am, describe it and expect them to know.

yes ! Mine did this 😣

I am going to sprinkle little bits of AstroTurf everywhere and make sure my shoes are very muddy and wet before I go upstairs to wee on the bathroom floor.