When I go to my children's houses when they're grown up I'm going to

[Dustingdemon]

Put a nearly empty milk bottle back in the fridge.
Turn on all the lights in the house and leave.
Tell them at 10pm that I need something desperately for the next day that they have absolutely no way of getting in time.

Your turn.

Haha that is very funny!!

Ask them if they have washed some vitality important items I need for an unannounced event as they are going to bed.

Of course I have no idea where said items are, but naturally expect them to be clean and dry by the morning.

Not reply to their text messages for 3 hours. But if they don't reply to my text messages IMMEDIATELY, I will send 15 messages with one word each in them, mostly their name
Come home at 3am, fall up the stairs and vomit loudly all night in the room above their bedroom
Grunt. A lot.

Drink a full glass of juice en-route to the living room from the kitchen so that it's empty upon arrival to the living room but just plonk the empty glass on the living room coffee table anyway. Rather than either a) drink it in the kitchen or b) drink it in the sitting room (and take the glass back to the kitchen).

Take their tweezers / perfume / shoes / body lotion / eyebrow dye / tights / phone chargers without asking and toss them in a dusty corner of my room

I will absolutely not do any of these things.

I will however, leave half a sheet of loo roll as I am polite and think it is funny

And make the place all their chairs into a circle to watch the play I've written, (always reminds me of Morecambe and Wise withe 'the play what I wrote' )

Just trash the place and slob around doing nothing 😂

Get very drunk and set fire to their microwave, then say "wasn't me, guv", before falling asleep in the dog's bed.

Repeatedly say why? To any instruction

At any formal quietish event announce in a loud whispering shout I need a wee! This is boring!

In company I’ll keep footering with my tights and keep hoiking my skirt up

Tell them I have to have an Uber, which they will pay for, because I've forgotten something I have to do RIGHT NOW! If they question me, I'll tell them to STOP STRESSING ME OUT!!

Bring round some randoms, who are staying the night, and hiss at them NOT to embarrass me

Bring round a random animal I've found on the street which massively stresses their current pets but which would be unbelievably cruel to put back outside - it has a collar

I shall visit them every Saturday afternoon, bringing with me a clump of mud soaked football kit.
I will ignore their requests to bring it to the washing machine and, instead, lob it from the top of the stairs to the bottom, with enough spin on it so that it smears a lovely muddy tidemark the whole length of the wall.

Stroll into the bathroom whist their in the shower and hand them their mobile phone which just happens to be on FaceTime to their dad. Thanks DD.

Oh just love these!!!!!! 🤣🤣🤣

Sleep in their bed with my feet on their face. Alternatively sleep like a starfish and leave them clinging to the edge of the bed.

Practice all the vowels I know at 5am, enjoy the noise they make in a quiet room and increase volume.

This made me laugh. My aunt and uncle lived on a farm when I was a kid and my aunt always told us she would come to our house and jump all over the sofa in her wellies (and refuse to eat the food we cooked her - although that was directed at my brother who was ridiculously fussy!). To be fair though I don’t remember ever jumping on her sofa in my wellies!

Stand over them forcing them to draw endless pictures of obscure animals (think 50 types of lizard) and then criticise the pictures.

When I go to visit them I will ask them to pick me up from the bus station at X o'clock. At 10 past X I will ring and ask them where they are, when they reply that they are waiting at the bus station I will say, ohh I meant the train station( which is at the other side of town.) I will then go out and ask them to pick me up from Club at 2 AM. At 10 past 2 when they are waiting outside I will text and say I meant 3 AM.

Wait til they are asleep and scatter Lego all over their floor and then call them urgently repeatedly and at the top of my lungs at 3am as if I’m being murdered so they jump out of bed with what feels like an elephantine dose of adrenaline to run to me and then step on it…… it’ll be like the scene out of Home Alone. And then they finally arrive, crying from the excruciating pain I’ll be lying on top of my duvet and will complain I’m cold. And ask for something to eat.

This madame laugh, but probably would be crying while putting up with it. 😀

If we go for a walk, when they are least expecting it, I am going to thump them hard in the arm and shout "Mini cooper no returns".

Whatever age they are, I will say what they are wearing is far too young for them.

Waken them up in middle night to participate in a random niche quiz I’ve invented demanding they answer

Feed the children sugary sweets, chocolate and let them watch inappropriate movies x

Spill an entire carton of milk under their brand new car's back seat and not tell anyone.

After the car sits in the hot sun for a few days and the door is opened.....

My plan to carry out the aforementioned was abruptly interrupted by his wife.