When I go to my children's houses when they're grown up I'm going to

[Dustingdemon]

Put a nearly empty milk bottle back in the fridge.
Turn on all the lights in the house and leave.
Tell them at 10pm that I need something desperately for the next day that they have absolutely no way of getting in time.

Your turn.

I will bring a random selection of toys into their car everytime we get in and leave them there, along with snotty tissues, sweet wrappers, fast food containers and assorted sticks, rocks, shells and pebbles. I'll then sit in the back and wipe my muddy feet all over the back of the front seats and draw on the windows. I'll check the journey time on the sat nav and if it says longer than 2 minutes I'll sigh dramatically and whine about how bored I am. I'll also throw in a few random screams and shouts while they're driving through busy roundabouts just to keep them on their toes.

I will insist DD takes me to local stables, 30 mins walk away ( i dont drive), every day, 5 days a week, then walk to collect 2 hours later, for 4 years. I will fill her hallway with hay, dried horse muck, mud, saddle and filthy boots. I will ensure her house smells like shit.

I'll also burst into the loo while ds is brushing his teeth and then wee all up the back of his legs because I'm to busy looking at a spider to bother aiming the wee directly into the toilet.

This. Plus I’ll make sure DH is with me and sitting in the back seat and we’ll take turns at bursting into tears and screaming “He/she is looking out of my window”.

Leave all the kitchen cupboards wide open.

Don't know if it's already been posted, but you might enjoy this

m.youtube.com/watch?v=tRiwgonmKJI

I really want to know what a Jew danish sofa is. I'm imagining a sofa that looks like a giant rugelach

New!!! Meant new!!! Damn auto correct

This thread has made me laugh so much, cant remember last time I laughed like this. (Also now dreading teenage years).

@WeBuiltCisCityOnSexistRoles snap!

At frequent random intervals but especially when they've just opened a book, newspaper or sat down with a cup of tea, I'll say their name to get their attention. And then say 'nothing' when I ask what they want.

I will check their wardrobes, try on their clothes. I will not put anything back. I will of course pick the most expensive new dress for the party tonight. Then "I really don't know how that happened" return the dress with stains of beer, mayonaise and vomit.

When they ask me in advance if there is anything in particular I'd like for meals/ask me for input into a weekly food plan I will make it clear that I'm too busy for such trivia and tell them that I don't mind, I'll eat anything, they should just get whatever they want to cook. When I am there, at each mealtime I will ask what we're having and pull a face, ask if there's anything else, then when I'm told no rummage through the freezer and find something I would rather have. This will always be either convenience food bought for a night when we won't have a lot of time, or a random selection of foods that are actually supposed to be components of a meal later in the week. If they insist on sticking to their meal plan I will eat 2 mouthfuls before declaring myself full- then eat sneak crisps and biscuits up to my room half an hour later.

When I sneak crisps, biscuits or other snack foods I will, of course, be sure to leave the outer packaging in the cupboard so it looks like none have been taken. When I am given permission to have one, but I have actually eaten them all already, I will swear profusely as I take out the empty packaging and ask why we never have any decent food in the house.

I will also complain that they never buy cans of soft drinks, but when they do I will take a can approximately every hour that I am in the house, have a few mouthfuls then leave it on a windowsill to go flat.

To be honest, my MIL also does half of this when she visits so perhaps she is also getting her revenge on DH.

I will sit down on their sofa so long that my bum fuses to it.

In the course of the above, I shall feign ignorance of the spherical plastic receptacle that is approximately two metres from my feet and lift the corner of their rug to conceal all my dirty make-up pads, sweet wrappers, crumbs, snotty tissues etc. The room will be so much tidier this way.

I will remove the lids from every single pen in the household and leave them in the cashmere jumper drawer to create a highly individualistic, Jackson Pollock-like garment; so much more colourful and interesting than boring grey.

When I am using their washing machine, I will helpfully unlid a couple of ink pens and add them to my pockets.

I won’t bother to wash my dirty knickers, I’ll simply put them in their clean underwear drawers.

I will remove the batteries from my hearing aids so I cannot hear a word they say.

I'll peer into their laden filled fridge and cupboards and declare that "there's no food in this house!"

Eat a packet of crisps while she’s literally putting dinner on the plates

I'm going to invite random sexual partners to the house and ask said partners to hang about making conversation with them whilst wearing only the skimpiest underwear.

I'm going to hide cups of milk under the sofa so they aren't found for at least 6 months!

Kick my shoes off in different directions. Throw my coat on floor and leave empty toilet roll on floor at side of bin and many many more things😂

Leave the bathroom light on 24 HOURS A DAY!

I will get them to take me to the park in the morning, give me a long push on the swings, and watch me go on all the equipment including doing terrifying things on the climbing frame. Bonus points if the weather is freezing cold and wet. I will make them hold my coat and the doll's pram I have insisted on taking.

I will lull them into a false sense of security that they have tired me out sufficiently that I will surely sit in front of a DVD for half an hour when we get back.

I will indeed sit in front of said DVD just long enough for them to get a coffee and a magazine and ease themselves onto the settee (they will be doing this very, very quietly and hoping I haven't noticed).

At this point, I will jump up and start causing mayhem in any which way I see fit until all their attention is on MEEEEEE again!

If I want to retrieve something from a high shelf , I show my independance and ingenuity by using my carefully thrown shoe to knock it from the shelf .

Then when my shoe is stuck there I'll throw an almightly strop and schreech like a banshee

And constant Who Would Win debates (not Wolverine and Ant-Man) but

"Who would win if Cain Dingle and Phil Mitchell had a fight"
"Who would win if Dev Allerhan and Kheerat Panesaar had an egg'n'spoon race"
"Who would win between Roly the Poodle and Kim Tates horse in a pie eating battle"

I will do very many of these things. Then I will go home and write an article for a national newspaper wondering if I've been scarred for life.

I will ask them to bring me a snack from
behind 2 closed doors and then storm out shouting when I tell them I can’t hear what they’re saying.

I will leave my clothes festering in a locker for a number of weeks and bring it home at the most inconvenient moment to be washed, dried and ironed and returned to me within the hour. I will also make sure I put a very muddy pair of shoes on top of all the white items.

I will talk for 15 minutes about my social life without taking a single breath, then stomp off in a huff because they agree with some thing that someone I don’t like has said.

Oh, I will also eat everything whilst they are serving up my dinner, not eat my dinner, then go and get a bowl of cereal which I will also leave. Despite being told not to 18468392 times