When I go to my children's houses when they're grown up I'm going to

[Dustingdemon]

Put a nearly empty milk bottle back in the fridge.
Turn on all the lights in the house and leave.
Tell them at 10pm that I need something desperately for the next day that they have absolutely no way of getting in time.

Your turn.

Oh I found an empty packet of sugar in the bin (I guess I should be glad that on that very very rare occasion the packet was actually in the bin rather than back in the cupboard) - but with a teaspoon still in it. This accounts for our steadily disappearing teaspoon supply

Yes to all. I really don't think I'm capable of leaving the loo in the state they deserve though. I'll nick all their loo roll and go in for a long showers at an inconvenient time.

Have to be an expert of every song/film ever made and recognise these by a humming sound or less and insist they find it, even if they don't have a clue

Also accuse them of not being my real child because we have different eye colour/skin tone

I'm going to go through entire packets of Oreos I've found in their cupboards, but only eating the middle and chucking the other bits in their bin.

Cut my toe nails whilst having a bath and, after pulling the plug, make sure there is a trail on toe nail cuttings all along the bottom of the bath.

I'll turn the heating up, open my bedroom window and prop the door open, then complain about being cold, but not wear more than a t-shirt and shorts. In the middle of winter.

Set up an obstacle course in the hall consisting of a trail of used bus tickets, shoes, bag, coat and any other random crap I can find.

o up the ante I'm going to wake them up after I've removed the lightbulb and make them walk through it in the dark.

I'm going to develop lactose intolerance, drink a milkshake and then have the biggest smelliest shit you can imagine. I'll use half a toilet roll and then when I'm finished I'll leave the bathroom door slightly open so the smell wafts into the rest of the house.

"Make them watch a dance that I made up"

@Bogofftosomewherehot That really made me laugh

Oh yes ! I'll start the dance , then say 'wait' because I got it wrong, start again, say 'wait' , start again etc etc until they think they'll break their teeth from gritting them so hard .

Have the longest hottest shower i can stand

Leave random lights on

Sleep in a blanket and hoody but with the fan on

@marcopront try putting the shower on but then faffing about for 10 minutes before getting into it. That's always a good one.

Ohhhh all of the above. Then I’m going to take every shoe they own and throw them at the bottom of the stairs. Any bag and coat I find I will pile them on the kitchen table. Then at around 11pm I’ll tell them “I’m just popping to the shop for something. I won’t be long”. Then I’ll ignore all their texts and calls - for hours!

Just before I leave I will throw half the clean clothes in their wardrobe into the dirty clothes bin and let them wash, dry, iron and air them. Payback for the number of clothes I’ve had to launder because they’ve worn them for half an hour and couldn’t be asr$ed to put them on a hanger and hang them in the wardrobe.

Maybe I’ll ask them if I could borrow £50 knowing I have no intention of paying it back. Then I’ll borrow their car, just to pop to my friends a 3 minute drive away, and return it, hours later, with an empty tank.

I can’t wait! 🤗

Love this thread :) I'm going to pull all the sofa cushions of and play stepping stones with them. Cover my hands with chocolate spread and make handprints on the walls, request pasta and cheese for dinner and then refuse to eat it without ketchup! Use loads of toilet roll every time I go to the loo and clog the toilet up, eat all of their hidden snacks and start elaborate conversations at bedtime about Santa clause in the middle of the summer

Push the food they have lovingly cooked and in my whinest voice say "yuck, I don't like that".
call their name every 5 seconds and demand snack, water, tell them dh is being mean to me. On repeat"
Spill coffee, red wine on their jew danish sofa and say "opsy daisy".

And shout the flor is LAVA followed by bang bang bang at 5:30am

Oh my god the tedious "shows". Loads of them

And make them sing baby shark on repeat

That is the funniest post I've seen on MN - ever!

The DGCs do that but with gymnastic routines.

This is the funniest thread I have ever read on mumsnet!

Yeah - only a few crumbs that are FAR YOO MUCH WORK for them to clean up.

I will lull them into a false state of security by pretending (gaslighting) that their Christmas box of chocolates, designed to be eked out as a much-needed daily luxury treat in January, is 100 per cent intact while tunnelling into the aforementioned box of chocolates without seeming to break any seals.

I have told DD
When I Am Ancient :

I will insist on going to Lakeside/Bluewater as I want to go to M&S . She must drive me . Online shopping Just Won't Do ..

She'll come to my house , of course I won't be ready . I'll pratt about , eat breakfast , get jam down my front and have to change .
She will ask me if I need the loo . No Im fine .

Let her settle me in the car , then decide I need to check I;ve locked the back door .
Get back in the car , she'll get to the end of the road , I need the toilet .
Start journey again after loo break
Whine the whole journey about the traffic/other drivers/are we there yet

Get to M&S , find what I want then change my mind and I'm sure they've got it cheaper in another shop.
Insist I'm tired and unable to walk about ( I;m ancient remember) insist she hires one of the wheelchairs
Make her take me to 4-5 shops ........then decide I want the one in Marks and Fecking Spencer .
Buy it ......then I want lunch . Then the toilet .
Then DD will want to go shopping for herself .
I get noughy and complain. I'm bored . Slip my foot onto the floor to drag .
When she goes to try something on, I'll get up and walk about .
If she says "Oh you seem to have recovered" I'll dramatically flounce and sit on the floor
When she tries to get me back on my chair I;ll plank

She will vow never to take me out again.
I will chatter on about what fun I've had but I;m not sure about my purchase so I might return it ....

Wait until DD is driving through the Dartford Tunnel follwed by an accompanied wide vehicle behind her , Police car blue lights flashing ....then try to hand her some messy foodstuff that I;m bored of and if she doesn't instantly take it , drop it on the floor .

(In my case it was DS , in the back seat with a Solero ice lolly)

Spit toothpaste all over the bathroom mirror.
Borrow an expensive Chanel eyebrow pencil and give it to my friend.
Cook eggs on toast in a noisy way at 2 in the morning.
Start a fist fight in the back of the car whilst they are driving an unfamiliar car around LA with jetlag.

I am going to go to their house, and when I spot a bottle of Coca Cola, say

”We’ve got some Coke!”

Then proceed to drink it! Every.Time.

I am going to get up at 1 am, shout to the cat a few times, have a very long power shower with DH, chatting noisily; and finally use my electric toothbrush at 2 am! When they’ve got work the next day!