When I go to my children's houses when they're grown up I'm going to

[Dustingdemon]

Put a nearly empty milk bottle back in the fridge.
Turn on all the lights in the house and leave.
Tell them at 10pm that I need something desperately for the next day that they have absolutely no way of getting in time.

Your turn.

Roll my eyes at them. Every.Time.They.Dare.To.Speak.To.Me

@somebodycutmygrass Stuff their laundry basket full of freshly laundered clothes that they can't be arsed to put away
Hahah this!
Also:

• break my phone every 3 months and demand they pay for a new one.

-go to a party, drink too much again, vomit, and have them pick me up

• criticise how they dress and smell
• deride their quality of life and life choices
• eat all their biscuits earmarked for school snacks just before dinner, not eat the dinner they've cooked for me and run away from the table screaming "I'M NOT HUNGRY" so I don't have to help clear up.

I’m leaving empty packets, dirty plates and cups lying around. I’m then not going to change the bog roll and dumped everything on the floor, shoes in the middle of the hallway.
I’m also going to stick my nose up in the air after they’ve taken two hours to cook a beautiful dinner and declare it disgusting when I haven’t even tried it!

my mum used to tell us she'd come round and dump all the towels on the bathroom floor!

I'll wake mine up every hour all night long demanding a nice cup of warm milk 🤣

When leaving DD's I shall fail to pack an item of clothing/make-up/phone charger and then ring her and ask that she sends it to me asap as it's "important". I then may or may not cover the cost of postage, I'll leave her to guess about that.🙄

Spend time reinforcing the fact that there are only two or three meals I will willingly eat. When they then cook one of these meals for me, become absolutely outraged because ‘YOU ALWAYS COOK THIS!’ and ‘I DON’T LIKE THIS ANY MORE YOU DON’T KNOW ANYTHING ABOUT ME!’

Beg to do a specific activity. On the day that this is planned refuse to get out of bed at the time we need to leave. On being gently encouraged to get up so we can go decide that I am so offended by this that I have changed my mind about going, despite tickets having been bought.

Insist on playing Fortnite at all times on the only TV so no one else can watch it. Insist everyone leave the room so I am not distracted.

I could go on, but I’d be here all day.

walk past the bin and give them the rubbish to put in the bin 😂😂

Take all the household iPhone chargers into my bedroom "because mine is broken" then break the 3rd one this week.

Refuse to get out of bed in time for breakfast but instead slope downstairs grumpily at 11:25, open the door to the fully stocked fridge and ask "what can I eat?" Until they give me enough suggestions of something that vaguely resembles brunch food.

Leave the dog downstairs on his own until midday when I say I'll look after him "but I'll do anything if you get a dog. Plllllllllllease"

Make my parents walk home from a friends house on Xmas day even though I'm driving my mates back in the car that my parents bought me "because I don't have enough petrol".

Stack all the used plates and cups next to the dishwasher rather than in it just in case it's clean and needs emptying.

1. wait until they are up a step ladder, doing something fiddly with two hands - then ask for a drink?
2. cover some vital clothes with mud, leave them in a carrier bag somewhere out of sight, for a week - then get them out, when they are getting ready to go out and need those clothes (like sports kit)
3. tell them, as they are about to leave the house, I need a picture of a beaver
4. tell them after a very stressful event, and are exhausted, I need some help with my German homework?
5. pour myself a cup of neat Ribena and spill it all over a cream carpet

Look at them as if they're speaking Martian when they ask me to do something I should have done without having to be asked.

Put on headphones and make them shout to get my attention, then say "Why are you shouting at me?" in an offended tone.

Make a face and say "Again?" when I see what's for dinner.

Not come home when expected and make them panic. (Actually, that's already happened. It was sweet)

Forgive them for everything because they've grown up into such lovely and caring men.

Eat all the kit kats.

I’m going to wake mine up every 45 minutes and sit in their room and cry. Also anytime I experience the tiniest bit of disappointment or any feeling really I’m going to chuck my plate on the floor and demand a banana.

Wait for them to be so ready for bed and so knackered and then start chatting to them even though I’ve spent the entire day just grunting.

On the hottest days I will shut all the windows and curtains until the house is a claustrophobic pit of fug.
On the coldest days I’ll put the heating on max and open all the windows because it’s hot.
I’ll also put every light on in every room.

Burst into their bedroom at 11pm demanding them to fake tan my back. Spill said fake tan all over the bed. Constantly talk loudly on speaker phone to my friends about the latest drama. Wait until they are at work, put the heating on full whack, lie in bed with the electric fan heater on.

Leave apple cores everywhere. Down behind the sofa cushions, hidden behind random ornaments…. The more rotten they go the better.

Leave crumbs everywhere and piles of dirty plates in the sink, dump some dirty clothes on the floor

Leave all my pants on the floor. Moan and strop when I run out of clean pants. Mess up her Netflix account watching utter shite. Moan about supermarket unbranded foods.

she’s not terrible really but these do wind me up!

And leave all my dirty clothes on the floor, ignore any calls to bring them downstairs. Shout “What? I HEARD YOU. NO.” in a really annoyed voice when asked “Are you sure there’s no washing?” And then appear 15 minutes after the machine has gone on holding half a dozen items saying “Actually I need these washed by tomorrow…”

Oh! Load the dishwasher like a psychopath so I can only get 4 items in. Unload it just as badly so she can’t find anything.

Ooh I'm going to be adamant that I'm not hungry and won't eat with them, then as soon as they've finished cooking complain that there's not enough for me.

Get in before they do, kick off my shoes and dump my my bag and coat right in front of the door so they can't fully open it. Then put my favourite music on at full volume so I can't hear them banging on the door trying to get in. Might bring my mates round too and use all the mugs and glasses and possibly break the ones they especially like

I’ll block the toilet after having a wee with a whole roll of toilet paper-and then flush

ill put clean clothes back in the basket-or somewhere close to it

ill put the heating on full blast just before I go out

I’ll eat all the snacks in the house

i’ll break stuff-then deny ever coming into contact with it

I’ll wait until they ask if I’ll pop to the shop for butter/tea bags/yogurt and come back with a Diet Coke and a packet of crisps (which I’ll have scoffed on the way home)
bonus points if they really needed butter/tea bags/yogurt and I’ve just used the last of their money

ill leave all the lights on and go out

ill forget something and demand they bring it to me-now (even though I know they are at work and can’t leave)

I’ll leave wet towels under the bed-just long enough for them to go mouldy

I’ll appear holding an item of clothing that I need washing ‘right now’ and get all huffy and scream that ‘you’ve ruined my life’ when they explain they can’t wash and dry it in ten minutes-knowing full well I wanted to wear it a week ago but couldn’t be bothered to put it in the wash

Use every bloody mug in the house for water , not refilling it and not using a glass . Yes DS , I am looking at you , I have to hunt for a coffee mug . Tons of glasses in the cupboard though .....

I shall deny that the hairs in the shower plug hole are mine despite being the only one in the house with that colour/length. I shall then proceed to remove offending hair whilst making exaggerated "ewww" noises, threaten to shave my head and declare her a "gingerist". I shall also vow never to wash my hair again if she's going to "make such a fuss over a few hairs" and I shall refuse to see the irony in that statement.