How much help have you had as adult?

[antelopevalley]

Just curious how much help you have had as an adult?
Both DP and I have not had much.
I left home at 18, DP at 19 years old. Both sets of parents are now dead.
Since 18 years old we and the children have both had small Christmas and birthday presents every year. A nice box of chocolates, perfume, books for the children kind of level. We also gave presents.
DP lived with his parents when 20 for six months when eh would have otherwise been homeless.
I was given £300 at 19 years old towards a holiday when I was working lots of overtime to afford it - DM topped up my earnings with this.
Given champagne, flowers and wine glasses when we married.
I was given a £1000 by my parents about 4 years ago when we were struggling as our Christmas present.
I inherited just under £2,000 when they died.
DP inherited £5,000 when his parents died.
No babysitting or practical help ever, but we do live a long way from where either lived.
Everything else we have ever had we have earned. We have paid for help when we needed it, neither of us are high earners but we manage okay and are savvy.

I have never inherited anything.
‘My parents probably paid about £500 towards my wedding.
Had minimal baby sitting.
I get a box of chocolates for birthday/Xmas.
That’s it. And that’s fine, happy to do for myself.

Not inherited anything, nor likely to.
Got £500 for my child when they were born.

None at all.

I inherited a few 100k at 20- but that’s on the back of a mother going into hospital when you were 5, her dead by 8, an alcoholic father at 11 and an orphan by 20 - I don’t feel like it’s help I don’t feel lucky!

I'm not even going to inherit anything. Though I have a written document bequeathing some antiques to me from my grandmother, but I'd rather not receive those anytime soon for obvious reasons.

That sounds pretty good to me, I left home at 16 and have fended for myself ever since. Never given anything from the family, whether financial or emotional.

Token gifts at Christmas and birthdays, babysitting every now and again for special occasions like a wedding reception

That's it

Once I started working I paid board and my own clothes etc. I moved out at twenty and have had no financial help since. My mum died younger but my dad has helped in time and other ways like building furniture or lifts and things like that. My partner lived at home longer but he paid some board and has not been given anything financial either. Think they paid for further uni education but he paid that back. His parents are generous with gifts at Christmas/birthdays etc.

Thing is there is a whole generation that may not have inherited but benefitted from a better society in their early adolescence. Free/ cheap uni, affordae rents/ lower house prices, better health service and childcare provisions etc.

My parents and dh parents were generous to us. His family have professional jobs and decent money my parents had low paid jobs but still were very generous. We never paid any dig money when we stayed at home and this allowed us to save up a gd deposit.

We have been given a thousand pounds every now and again by both sets of parents. My parents gave us £1k when we bought our first place his parents gave £2k. Every now and again my mum wld give me £1000 maybe every few years. His dad wld give us £1000 off his bonus every year up until he retired a few years ago.

Christmas and birthday very generous usually about £500 cash and presents. His family have a few hundred and presents and took us out for bday meals.

When we started family they bought the pram for us and started Isa accounts for our kids and wld pay in a £500 hundred pounds a year.

Both sets of parents helped out with 1 day a week childcare up until his parents got ill. Sadly they are no longer here and just recently we have had a substantial inheritance around £300k.

My dh is now retraining and we have paid off the mortgage. This is has been life changing for us and bitter sweet too though.

I hope we can do the same for our kids as they grow up.

Inherited early when my parents died, (early 20’s), but that comes with it’s own issues - I just miss them and would give everything I had to have them back; they and I have missed out on so much. I’m not married, no kids, and also acutely aware that I need to have more of a financial safety net than I do currently as there’s no other support, financially or emotionally.

My parents still give me and my brothers money regularly, they’d rather we make use of it whilst we’re young than wait inherit it. Paying half towards our wedding. Paid for my university tuition and accommodation. Generous at Christmas and birthdays. I think most parents would do the same if they had the money to.

My mum was our guarantor at our last rented house for 9 years. She of course didn't need to pay anything but it was a huge lifeline. Not long after I moved out of home at 19 she paid for a pair of glasses I couldn't afford as mine had broken and I'm very short-sighted. I'll inherit part of the money from their house sale when my parents die if they don't need it to pay for caring fees which will certainly happen if my mum dies before my dad as he is already receiving full time care from my mum.

Dad didn’t charge me board when I moved back home for a while after uni. It was on the basis that I was saving though.

They each paid £1.5k towards my wedding. Mum provides a much appreciated day per week in free childcare and any other ad hoc babysitting as well as (rare) overnight stays too. (We ‘repay’ her by getting her and her DP a couple of UK weekend breaks per year.)

my dad and both grandmothers were financially very generous when DS was born so we set up a savings account that birthday money and monthly savings from in laws and us go into.

I know they’d always help if we were desperate and they were able to, but we don’t get any help ‘just because’.

I got a student grant to go to Uni as a single parent. Was never out of work afterwards, paid higher level tax so think I repaid it indirectly. Don’t know what I’d have done without it.

Quite a lot really.

We have large, one off type gifts from my parents. Like 100k for a house deposit and they spent 30k on my wedding. Other than that, any gifts are very small token amounts 30-50 pounds worth of stuff for birthdays/Xmas.

DHs parents have probably given us about 70k over the last 10 years in smaller chunks. Is paying off DHs car so we could get a better mortgage deal, buying a lot of furniture/appliances for our house, holidays, 10k on our wedding etc.

None.

As soon as I had a part time job while at college I had to pay board - £15 a week ( I earned £65 a the time). My Mum was a single parent and money was tight.
I left home at 18 and went to Uni. My Dad gave me £160 every month towards living expenses.
When I left education I got no further support.
No babysitting or practical help when I had my DC’s.
For my wedding my Dad gave me £5000. I didn’t get a gift from my Mum.

When my Mum passed I inherited a share of her estate £86,000. It turns out she’s been very frugal over the years so that she could leave me, my siblings and my children a nest egg. I was very shocked.

Nothing at all physical or financial and I was kicked out at 16 so have been living on my own since then.

I was a teen mum and left home at 29 with my baby, my DM would babysit about once every month or two and we’d go out together nearly every week shopping. My parents divorced and my DF and I were close, he’d look after my DS for four hours on a Saturday and I would do my uni coursework.
I met my DH, his parents and my DM both gave us 1k towards the wedding. My DF looked after my DS days for 5 days while we went on honeymoon.
We had 2 DC and moved away. My PIL’s gave us a few 1k Xmas presents and 10k towards a people carrier.
We became wealthy, I became my DM’s carer. My DF died and I unexpectedly inherited 100k, I used 70k of it to buy a flat for my DS to live in. I’ve saved the rest for 2 other DC and my DH and I will help them get a place when they are older.
My DH inherited 50k.

Loads. Absolutely loads from mine. They are amazing. They can’t help practically with childcare but they have been a financial rock and help practically with so much else.
I frequently use Dad instead of the bank for loans (proper loans that I repay) plus they are very generous with cash help. I had £5k while on mat leave, £10k when we moved this year. Random £500 here and there.
My Dad organised the renovation of my BTL when tenant trashed it when I had a newborn and paid £5k towards it. He’s just fabulous. They are reasonably well off but but from
working class backgrounds. I’m well aware as they are open about it though that as we are getting cash now that means inheritance will be limited to mainly property. But they would rather we had the benefit now when we need it. My brother always gets the same as me. They are scrupulous about it being fair. I am very lucky.

DH has had absolutely fuck all from
when he was abandoned by his lot at 15 (long story but his (posh) parents are despicable). It couldn’t be more different.

19 not 29

My family were very dysfunctional so I was never going to get any help. I barely got any parenting.

Had to pay for my own driving lessons and own car and insurance.
No help at all to go to university
Both parents died young. I had to pay for my dads funeral as there was no money in the estate.
No help for a house deposit or for my wedding.

The IL have helped me put with childcare which I really appreciate.

At the risk of sounding like a Pythonesque Yorkshireman, you got shit loads compared to me.

Fuck all. Absolutely fuck all. Not so much as a tin of beans. Will get absolutely no inheritance either.

And it wasn't just no money either. Got no advice on anything. No support on anything. No modelling of what a good relationship looks like either.

No help or support with kids ( parents dead or too ill by then but would have been too far away to offer support anyway).

No compliments, no encouragement, no belief that I was loved or lovable or respected or could achieve anything.

Just nothing. Been completely by myself.

People with normal families have no idea what a gift it is or how it will have shaped their internal self and security, let alone the material help.

None at all. No-one my generation did. No financial help, no childcare.
Just because your parents didn't help you doesn't make you a better person or make it right.

However my DC are different, we have helped them a lot and will continue to do so both with lump sums and regular payments.
Both were supported through uni, both lived at home free when they first started work.